MIL over spending

[ThatGutsyHedgehog]

It’s DS’s first Christmas and everyone is very excited myself included.
Weve bought him a few small presents but not gone overboard to save our money for when he needs different toys as he changes so quick.
My family and my DH grandparents have all bought my son one really lovely gift each and we’re beyond grateful.
My MIL has told me she’s filled an entire sack of gifts ready for him
I don’t think it matters so much this year but I don’t want a competition of her trying to out do us at Christmas and also she has form for buying plastic toys that are all very similar (where do I put them all!)
DH just says it’s first grandchild and she’s excited, I get that but she’s controlling and has form for overstepping
What’s the best way to handle this?

It won't matter this year except for space... can you try and suggest throughout next year that he loves the zoo/local fun park etc and hint that membership would be appreciated?

Don't see it as a "competition" - your DS won't care where the toys have come from, but it's perfectly reasonable to want things he'll actually enjoy. But a few duds are par for the course - accept them with good grace unless it's really massive stuff you literally can't store.

Sell them on Facebook groups if he won't enjoy them!

We have a similar issue, but in one way it's a lovely problem to have. Both my parents and in laws go mad for all the grandkids at Christmas. Try not to be too harsh - particularly with my parents, they had nothing growing up and we had some seriously tough times when I was a kid too, but they have zero money worries now and they want to spoil the grandkids.
We've found that one way to minimise the amount of stuff it is to provide them with a list that has toys the kids want and have asked for, but also has useful things on too like clothes, pants, socks, wellies, puddle suit, winter coat, etc.
We've tried asking for days out/annual passes to places, but no one has ever gone for them! I think they want the kids to be able to unwrap stuff - even if that means unwrapping a practical pair of water proof trousers 😂.
Also, if space is an issue, ask if they want any of the toys at their house so there's stuff to play with when you go round with DC.

Our first Christmas with our DS, in laws went crazy! A big sack full. They haven’t seen him since (he’s now 5). Assuming your PILs aren’t total arseholes like mine, I think you just have to let them do it this year. They’re excited! Definitely suggest some toys to stay at their house.

When your son gets older, if they ask for ideas give them ideas that are more ‘high ticket’ so most of the budget goes on 1 or 2 gifts instead of tons of little items.

Thanks all some really good ideas which I’ll take forward
I think my view gets coloured where she is concerned as she has overstept massively since he was born and makes me more sensitive to anything she does
I just don’t want him feeling our presents are less special as he gets older because he’s overwhelmed by shear volume

Oh I can remember Ds’s first Christmas well. He was 3 weeks old and it took us two trips on Christmas Day to fill the car up with his gifts to come home. It was ridiculous.

thankfully it’s calmed down. I was just honest and said we didn’t have a big house and lots of place to store the huge toys they bought him.

My parents were a bit like this too and although they still spoil the grandkids, they don’t go quite as overboard anymore.
I think suggesting things to keep at their house is a good idea as well as clothes, slippers, PJ’s etc when he’s older as these are expensive and need replacing each year while they’re growing.
ive asked for a lot of garden things before like a sandpit with buckets and other toys and other boring things like a new beach towel or bedding set or rug for their room etc. if they’re determined to buy a lot of stuff make it things you’d need to buy anyway or consumables (craft supplies or baking kits) with one toy the child will really enjoy or ask for bigger stuff in terms of value like the Mr Men Library - doesn’t take up too much space, but will be used for years!
alternatively ask for stuff to go with what you’re buying e.g if you’re getting a toy kitchen and for food or pots and pans - yours will still be the ‘wow’ gift!

How old is your child?
when mine were too young to know any different, I put away a majority of their new toys and every now and again got something out for them, especially when they got fed up with what they already had played with

Leave some at each GPs house - depending on his age it probably won't make a difference at the moment but as he gets older you'll be grateful of a few less things to take when you visit!

I wouldn’t worry about your gifts being overshadowed. My own mum bought my then 14 year old an iPhone when we had specifically said no as we didn’t want him carrying around such an expensive device. He still loved his presents from us and uses his pants nd socks daily 😜

You're accusing MIL for being overcontrolling whilst you are being overcontrolling and unreasonable. If space is a genuine concern then you can just let her know you have limited space for toy storage, if not you do nothing and be grateful that lots of parents would love to have your problem.

Pick out a few things and donate the rest. Or keep the majority at MILs house. She bought them, she can store them.

My son ended up with far too many presents at that age and ended up giving Dudley Dursley a run for his money. I think we kept about 5 things out of the 46 (that's not an exaggeration, it really was that many) things he was gifted.

In future maybe ask MIL to put some money in a bank account or just pick out 1 or 2 things and tell her if she goes beyond that then they'll be donated. Find your voice now otherwise you'll end up with a lifelong battle.

My MIL is the same but not just Christmas. She’s bought everything from household items, furniture, fixings, clothes, toys and books. We have a little house and hardly any storage areas and no room to throw extra stuff in. Also she has the opposite taste to us including very different taste in kid’s clothes.

DH told her a few times that we have a small house and can’t use/store it all, that she should save her money. She was offended and continued to load up purchases.

I wish she could see that time is the most valuable item (if she liked to spend time with DC, I feel the memories from that would be worth the most). I think she buys tons to make up for her absence.

A lot of the items and clothes end up in charity.

Is DS the first grandchild? If so this would explain the overkill. It is really exciting for your grandchild's first anything birthday, Christmas etc but the second isn't so much.

If they see their DGS regularly let them keep some toys there. If not donate and let mil know you had to donate them due to lack of storage.

It sounds like she's really excited, she's not the first grandparent to act this way. When you have too many toys, it's a good idea to put some away and rotate them. This means you'll probably not need to buy anything new in 2025, and your little one will have lots of interesting things to play with and explore.

What a naughty MIL! Naughty, naughty. Don't be excited about your grand child please. Don't "outdo" the parents. Your DIL is so insecure and competitive she can't manage it.

Let it go this year as it’s his first, he’s a baby he hasn’t a bloody notion what’s going on anyway 😂 It’ll be Xmas 2026 when it’s his first proper one he understands. Just get storage containers and rotate his toys so everything’s not all out at once, maybe change them once a month so he doesn’t get bored of seeing everything all there all the time. When he’s that bit older and understanding get your DH to suggest a gift of PIL typical budget to buy for your son instead. And as others suggested annual passes is good idea for future, not for another few years though as under 3’s are usually free 😊

I don’t think you’re unreasonable or controlling at all, it’s ridiculous to fill a sack full of presents for a one (!) year old without checking with the parents about what they want coming into their house. I would definitely also see this as overstepping. Just leave toys at their house and next year make a list and ask people to stick to it. It’s a very normal thing to do.

lol . Yep

God bless Grandma's. My kids have the best memories of being with their cousin's and opening the MASSIVE sack of presents from Grandma. It was noisy & messy and chaos. Fabulous. Sounds like your kids will also have that joy in years to come.

It's not a competition and some grandparents go overboard as it's about love and their chance to spoil.
You as parents get what you get, it won't ruin the children.
My nan only had her state pension and hoarded it all year so she could give us all a sack filled to the top, bursting (there were 8 cousins) she didn't get presents when she was little post war poverty and it was something she loved. She loved for it and it brought her joy.
Try not to weaponise generosity and giving at Christmas as controlling and overbearing.
It's just different to you. Encourage to cut back and be more moderate. Let her know when you've run out of space. She's great a more expensive gift than lots and lots or something more meaningful.
But this is not a hill I'd die on. And it's not a competition and it's not healthy to make it one.

Honestly we have the same problem and I’m really struggling with it.

It sounds so ungrateful to be annoyed by it but DP and I have just had a mini argument over this this morning because I am actually trying to limit the number of gifts we give to compensate the number we will get from IL. I said that’s enough we have for him now. He’s like but he doesn’t have a big present - like the wow present. I’m like he does - a yoti player and he’s going to also get loads from IL too!

When I say a lot I’m talking the poor kid can spend ALL day unwrapping and there’s still a huge pile left. It’s honestly way too much. He doesn’t enjoy it or play with it properly. It’s completely overwhelming.

But how can I be ungrateful or annoyed at ‘more’; it’s because it renders the whole thing meaningless. It actually ends up being ‘less’ in a way than if he had had one present.

So I really don’t know what to do about this anymore. Because he’s 2 and a half now. This will actually start to become expected and less will be disappointing even though the current more doesn’t make him happy.

It is a minefield.

Thank you to all those giving helpful advice appreciate it!
Those calling me controlling, I get she’s excited and that’s lovely so am I!
But I do have limited space and can only take so many toys and have lots of lots of people buying him presents (large extended family).
Also I’ve been looking forward to certain presents I want to get him at Christmas etc and don’t want him spoilt or overwhelmed by so many presents nothing is special.

I second keeping them at her house. She'll think twice if she has to take them home again.

Defo keep at her house. Especially when she realises that the baby will latch onto one or 2 things and potentially not play with all the different things.

We had a similar issue when my eldest was born. My DP has a huge family and everyone and their hairdresser bought for him. So we divided them between all the people who looked after him when I went back to work as I didn't have to take any extra except baby bag for him.
I wouldn't be adverse to returning items for items they can grow into as they lose interest in some toys so quickly. I don't think it is controlling to not want your house overrun by things you didn't find use for in the first place. The crazy amount of things bought can be really wasteful.
A friend of ours bought the kids classic books every christmas and they are my fav things to date. We read them when they were babes and now they are getting old enough to read themselves. Proper special gifts. Perhaps you could suggest something similar.