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Original poster

DH has bought one present and is now Father Christmas personified

9 replies

Houseplanter · 04/12/2024 23:24

So once again I've done it all.. the mental effort of thinking, buying and also wrapping. For everyone except one. Let's all applaud Mr HP

And before anyone says leave his side to him, well he doesn't have any, but neither do I. Our parents and siblings have sadly all passed away, so those we do buy for are shared.

I've just said to him how lovely it must be for Christmas to happen just like when he was a child.

OP posts:
Petitchat · 05/12/2024 03:29

Houseplanter · 04/12/2024 23:24

So once again I've done it all.. the mental effort of thinking, buying and also wrapping. For everyone except one. Let's all applaud Mr HP

And before anyone says leave his side to him, well he doesn't have any, but neither do I. Our parents and siblings have sadly all passed away, so those we do buy for are shared.

I've just said to him how lovely it must be for Christmas to happen just like when he was a child.

Yes but don't be daft enough to keep doing it.
Just stop it, you're being a martyr...

ShipToNoveltle · 05/12/2024 07:54

Why is it not a conversation you are having before you start thinking of presents? You can make it a joint process for both the buying and the wrapping.

Dh and I put Christmas music on and wrap everything together, we also have conversations and set up a spreadsheet, a brain storm and then together with a laptop each we start the buying process. It doesn't happen in one night but Christmas isn't a surprise event, it happens at the same time every year so we know that there will be conversations about it.

Dh also actively thinks about presents without me prompting him because we have had this arrangement for the last 27 years we have lived together. This year is done but have a talk with him about how next year will go and initiate the conversations in November rather than passively saying it must be nice to have it all organised. That doesn't solve anything.

Rocknrollstar · 05/12/2024 08:33

DH has only ever bought my present and left all the shopping to me. DD now tells him what I want. I once went Xmas shopping with him and the result was that we bought nothing at all. When we moved in together he stopped contacting his parents and left that to me as well. He will very occasionally mention something he has seen that he thinks would be a good idea for someone. He hasn’t written a Xmas card in over 50 years, although I did used to make him write the envelopes (i now print out labels.). However, he does have other endearing qualities.

unclebuck · 05/12/2024 08:46

DH is like this but he does all the decorating and cooking so it is fair. You need to make sure he has areas he is responsible for if you do.

WilfredsPies · 05/12/2024 10:08

I've just said to him how lovely it must be for Christmas to happen just like when he was a child It would probably be more effective if you told him that feigned incompetence was incredibly unattractive and that if he carried on acting like an incapable child, then he would only have himself to blame when you lose all respect for him and attraction to him as a husband because you’ve started to see him as an incapable child.

Or, if you really wanted to make a point, you could congratulate him on his one contribution to Christmas and do precisely one thing yourself, like buying chocolate that you like and he’s not that keen on. And when he asks why you haven’t put the turkey on, you ask him if he bought a turkey and, if not, then there is no turkey to put in the oven. He did one thing for Christmas and you did one thing for Christmas. You’re even, and you’ve noticed that he didn’t even congratulate you for the one thing that you did.

It’s not your job to make sure that Christmas is completed. Nobody died and appointed you Head Elf. If you want change, and you don’t want to change him for a different man, you have to make it very clear to him that his days of treating you like his mum are over and that he should be ashamed of himself for ever having thought of you that way.

Firstshoes · 05/12/2024 10:11

I handed the whole of Christmas to DH this year having done it for 35 years. Kids, grandkids etc to buy for. He's done it all and all wrapped. He's done a way better job than me 😁. We are also going out for Christmas dinner this year so I don't even have to cook. This is the first year I've felt so relaxed and looking forward to it!

frozendaisy · 05/12/2024 11:31

Why can't you suggest a day to go Christmas shopping together?
Go for a coffee during and make a list which you allocate jibs between you. Make a WhatsApp message of what is decided so you both have in writing what you are responsible for so not excuses, I thought you were getting crackers.

Do it either shared or split.

frozendaisy · 05/12/2024 11:36

We have an issue this year the our usual weekend to pick up tree and decorate he is going off to play with his friends overnight.

So I have said I will do it if you like.

"I want to be involved though" was the response.

So we are rejigging it.

I also said "you know your family best their presents are your problem" first year he sulked but did it.
Second year he sulked a bit less
Then he accepted it.

What's he going to do if you don't do it? Sulk like a toddler because he hasn't got a box of AfterEights like he has every Christmas?

safetyfreak · 05/12/2024 13:33

I like doing the Christmas shopping, thinking of gifts to buy for the kids and planning what we be eating/christmas grocery shop.

However, we do the gift wrapping together, he cooks Christmas dinner and he buys for his own family!

Hopefully you can both come to a compromise.

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