Being let down at Christmas

[Samdon47]

20 days to Christmas eve and I've got family pulling out for Christmas dinner!!! I'm a family of 4 and have booked to go out for Christmas dinner at a Indian restaurant (as usual). Last year we went out with my family & partners family which was great both set of grandparents were there getting to eat with their grandchildren. We were due to pay the final balance this week and basically my dad is saying there's "nothing on the menu he will eat" which is ridiculous there's plenty to choose from. They had a argument I believe and my mum said she doesn't want to force him to go out and he would just cause a atmosphere & wouldn't be fair for my partners family. Which is true but I feel very let down. They also let us down last new year.. we had 3 lodges booked and they pulled out due to weather that changed the following day. My mum fell out with me because I still wanted to go and basically got alot of rotten text messages. It's not the first time they have let us down but this is two years in a row and I feel deflated! I feel like I want to say more on the matter but I'm.aware it's christmas and I don't want to ruin my own families christmas by causing an argument 😕 my family are emotionally immature so conversations usually end in argument.

Anyway next year I need to ensure noone ruins christmas/new years plans! Anyone else got parents who let them down at this time of year ?

Well I wouldn't pay the final amount including them now. Give them 24 hrs to change their mind and transfer you the money so you're not out of pocket if they back out again. Just say ' we would love you to join us but if not, see you for drinks later '. Both sides of families is nice if they get on, but really with large events youre often trying to please too many people, and frankly you- the organiser- will not enjoy it with any stress.

Clarifying question, have these plans been made by consensus or are they presented as the only option? In other words, if they want to see you on Christmas does it have to be at this Indian restaurant or would you consider other types of restaurants if plans were made far enough in advance?

We will go to their house & do presents etc from around 1ish then head out for dinner at 5. This has been planned & agreed since September... and is probably our 9th Indian restaurant we have been to on Xmas day!! We have been to other restaurant's but feel that Indian restaurant's always are better as they never rush you.. they seem happier to work! This is just my dad being twisted.

Don't let them drag you down OP
They have had plenty of time to raise an alternative. I would say stuff like that.

"Ok up to you guys I am paying final deposit minus you two yes?"

Factual, practical, minimal involvement.

If they try and guilt trip, say, we could meet up 23rd to drop presents off?

Short, sweet, and you go and have a fabulous Christmas curry.

Stop inviting your family. They clearly don't respect you.

Sounds like your dad doesn’t actually want to go out or away on Christmas. Sounds like he wants to stay home. Which he’s allowed, it’s his Christmas too. You both need to have a talk and figure things out.

Agree only he doesn't want to go out full stop! And is stopping my mum from having social life ... and the rest of us are taking steps back so he's isolating himself. Agree a chat is due I will have a chat in the new year 👍

You have no control over what your Mum does in the end, but I'd definitely carry on and go out for your Indian meal if that suits your family. It's not as if you won't be seeing during the day.

Also, what would be the alternative if you don't go? Is he willing to host or would you and your poor Mum end up shopping, preparing, cooking, tidying and washing up? Might be worth discussing in the the New Year if he'd consider a different venue, ie pub, restaurant with more traditional food (and that's only if your family would be happy with that).

Go with you partner's family. I'd happily go out for a curry but ours close on Christmas day.

Then when you next go regale them with funny stories from the day. But I am passive aggressive

Thanks for replys yeah it's not going to ruin my day I guess I'm more just annoyed because going away at new year & going our for Christmas dinner isn't actually something I suggest it's my mum!! My mum is 1 of 7 and started going out for dinner on & off since I was a child to avoid always cooking for big family. Basically he's a lazy man who does nothing at all during the year either... but this is the last festive season I will arrange anything as it is my family who's prompting me to arrange & like I say I'm the one who is being let down.