Memorial type gift ideas please

[fourelementary]

I try to get my friend something linked to her mum who died 12 years ago as part of her Christmas gifts. Over the years I have gotten a handwriting gift (with her mums writing) a tree ornament, a tree planted with her name on it, a photo book etc…

I wondered if there were any other ideas… or whether anyone would maybe think I should just stop now? I had thought of a charity gift linked to the things her mum liked/did… as this friend doesn’t like “stuff” so I don’t want to get tat…

Thank you ☺️

I think that it's time to stop.

It's been 9 yrs since my mum died. I wouldn't want to have a memorial gift each year. (Others might disagree, of course.)

As the PP said, I'd gently bring this to a halt now. I'd consider it time to gift your friend something just for her. Have you asked her if there's anything she'd particularly like?

I'd be careful about stopping without any notice. Some people might want to put it to bed but on the other hand she might really appreciate that you remember - I bet not many others do. At least speak to her beforehand.

You don't need to give her a memorial gift so many years on.

Thanks. Without being too outing, though I’m sure she’s not on mumsnet, I generally give her a December/advent basket with goodies for throughout the weeks to Xmas (mostly consumable) so the nod to her mum is just one of many wee gifts… but I appreciate that it may well be time to just stop… thank you.

Yes I guess that was my thinking… and selfishly I miss her more at Christmas as she was such a huge part of my childhood that I guess Xmas just makes you reminisce more… she was a wonderful kind woman who was very crafty, handy, generous and practical. So I’m thinking I might get a related charity gift to support women or provide practical help like she did.

I'd pick a charity and add a card saying you've sent a donation in her mum's memory. If the donation can be linked to a memory write that in the card. Eg. I've donated to hope and homes for children because your mum always made me feel so welcome.

I am 9 years post losing my mum and I think of her constantly and my friends that knew her are extra precious. I wouldn't necessarily want a physical gift but for you to remember her is lovely. If you see something during the year that reminds you of her then that's slightly different though!

I always try to get my 14 year old daughter some sort of gift from her big brother who died at aged 22 in 2022 and this year I have got her a name a star thing which I thought would be quite nice

I'm really sorry and I'm sure you're doing this with the very best of intentions, but it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable tbh. If friend wants to commemorate her mum at Christmas, then let her, but I think that any gifts that the friend is given should be something lovely just for the friend, and not linked to death/loss.

That’s a fair view. I don’t think my friend shared it thankfully. We grew up together and so I was very close to her mum also so I guess it’s like a wee thing to say yes this is a lovely time of the year and here are some nice things for you- but i am also aware it could be hard to be missing mum over this period.

I do appreciate the replies and ideas though. Thanks 🙏🏻