How to disclose the truth about Father Christmas?

[NotathomeforChristmas]

Any advice or tips gratefully received, please!

We've got an 8 year old who is teetering on the edge of being a believer. Our 12 year old knows The Truth but has kept the secret faithfully.

8 year old's skepticism is growing all the time, and she is asking lots of questions (and has refused to tell us what she'd like for Christmas, insisting the letter is going directly to the North Pole without us seeing it...)

Do we tell her now, or try to hold on for another year?

I know there are some nice books about the "real magic" of Christmas being in the hearts of those who keep the story alive- does anyone have any specific recommendations please?!

An added complication is that we'll have our niece who is only 4 (in reception) staying with us the weekend before Christmas and I am wrestling between wanting my 8 year old to have the last Christmas as a believer, but not wanting her questions to let the cat out of the bag for our niece...

I know, I know. I didn't have to wrestle with it with my eldest, I just went with it.

The complication this year is that my lovely niece really has had enough to deal with in her short life and it is a balancing act between keeping the magic alive for my Miss Marple of a daughter as long as possible (knowing that will mean she will keep asking questions - which my niece will hear) and protecting my niece from growing up too fast. Tricky!

Some great advice on here though. Thanks to all!

Really helpful thread this. My eldest son is 11. We noticed last year in the run up to christmas (he was 10 then) that he seemed to doubt if he was real, but never actually asked outright. So we all assumed that the jig was up but he wasnt going to say incase he didnt get any presents.
So far he hasnt asked about it this year. Id say this year will be the last year he believes , if he hasnt aleady worked it out. My issue is the other 3 dc, who are 5 and 6. i cant tell him not to tell them, as he has an annoying habit of doing the opposite. Im dreading when he does eventually say something. i dont want it ruined for the others.

I don't get the big deal at all. DS announced at 5 he knew it was us. Makes no difference to his enjoyment. DD is 7, doesn't seem to he questioning it at the moment so we'll carry on with the leaving a carrot for the reindeer for this year.

But if she did start asking questions I'd just answer without any of that "what do you think nudge nudge wink wink" stuff. If I had her wanting to write a secret letter to FC without me seeing it I'd just say that was fine but we need to know what she wants as well. But then FC has only ever brought small stocking gifts here anyway.

I did have to do my annual reminder to DS not to tell any of his class or his sister in case they don't know yet. But I never got the emotional fall out it seems to bring for some parents.

@NotathomeforChristmas

"What a great way of looking at it. I love this and I suspect my 12 year old will get it, too. Thank you!"

My pleasure to have you onboard as as a fellow adult Father Christmas "believer". 😀

It's also a fun conversation when this topic comes up with other adults and you explain with dead pan face that actually you still "believe" in Father Christmas ", see their reaction and then go on to explain why.

I tend to believe that the 'magic' and 'wonder' are more in the hearts of the parent than the child, and that most children have worked it out long before their parents are willing to recognise.

So I doubt it will be the earth shattering disappointment one might anticipate. Re other younger or more gullible children, just enjoin the sensible one to keep quiet about it in front of them.

How you then deal with ' But you told us not to tell lies or keep secrets, Mummy' is way beyond my pay grade.

Exactly @Labraradabrador (LOVE the name)

You said she is planning to send her wish list direct to Father C without you seeing it first. Doesn’t she get any presents directly from you? We always did main presents from us with one or two smaller things from the wish list plus stocking fillers from Father Christmas.

My oldest DD9 asked if it was me when she was 9. Never suspected her father (they figure out early on who does all the work). She was thoroughly relieved and loved Christmas even more. Youngest never asked as she didn’t want to stop believing, I think she still does at 14😁. I’d say if child is asking they know and want you to confirm it for them.

My son was told there was no Father Christmas the First Christmas he started school by ( as it turned out as the years passed ) a nasty little bully with parents who were much the same!

His mum told me ‘we don’t lie to our kids’……….they never explained why they did the tooth fairy though.

Likewise
As mine was told by another kid when they were 4 I haven’t ever acknowledged it

We still leave milk for Santa and carrots for Rudolf. One year my dh left a bit of a mess ie chocolate wrappers near the tree and he blamed Santa for eating the chocs. The boys were late teens🤣🤣🤣

I have never had "the conversation" with any of my three, who are all in their twenties now! 😲

I wonder if they still believe, or whether I have been a neglectful mother and scarred them for life!? 😲🤔

You tell them as up thread. But to do it without pain, you do it in July.

I have a 34 yr old, a 31 yr old and a 27yr old and have never confirmed or denied whether FC is real or not! It's become a family joke... every time they've asked I've said you'll just have to wait and see!
Joking aside I did explain about not ruining it for younger children...

He is real for people who believe in him.

A la Polar Express.

I told my DS that the minute you stop believing in Santa Claus you never get another gift from him and all comes from family. So I wasn’t lying per se but it kept the magic alive for another year.
mind you my grandmother went to to her grave at 87 still believing in Father Christmas 😂

My sons asked questions about Father Christmas from about the ages of 6 and 8. They didn’t outright ask if he was real, they asked things about how it was possible to deliver all those parents etc in one night etc and then the next Christmas they asked me outright if he was real and I replied that he wasn’t however it was their job to help make Xmas magical for everyone else as when people grow up and stop believing they join in with making it magic.
My husband was slightly horrified that I had just told them the truth and I didn’t try and convince them he was real but I swore I would never lie to them about anything important, and they still now trust me to tell them the truth when they ask me a question.

Nor have I and they're in their thirties and forties now. We all get stockings, we put out food and lights for him on Christmas Eve, and we all love it

I have always gone for the 'what do you think?' Although when you niece is over I would go with a 'I am not going to discuss it now' approach. Can you ask your 12yr old whether they think she still believes? They might be more honest. I remember my oldest was a good barometer for the younger one as the younger one would be more likely to tell the older sibling who was seen more as a confederate than establishment.

Crikey. I still haven’t told my nearly 19 year old. She just rolls her eyes when I talk about Father Christmas, but she will never hear those words from me. Same for my younger ones.

childhood is short, let them enjoy the magic.

Those taking the “what do you think” approach clearly didn’t have a child like mine who just kept asking “no but IS HE REAL tell me the TRUTH!” getting crosser each time we fobbed her off.

I gave in to the incessant questions about age 9 (after 2 years+ of asking questions) and she was still really upset. We then formed a sort of agreement that Santa did exist and the whole thing must have been a misunderstanding. Now she is 12 and definitely knows the truth but everything carries on as before.

In your shoes OP I’d fob off/gently lie for another year if you possibly can.

If you don't believe, you don't receive 😉

Crikey. I still haven’t told my nearly 19 year old

Same with 16 and 14 year olds. No one in the house speaks of it 😆

When they ask for a specific hoody or whatever I remind them that Santa would probably find it helpful to know the desired colour too and they dutifully add any specifics to their list, whilst agreeing that he probably would 😂

Am I the only one that's never found the questions about Santa difficult to address?

Age 7-9 yes, they start with the 'but HOW does he get in/fly/carry it all/have time' etc etc.

How the fuck would I know kid? It's Santa. No one knows 🤷‍♀️

I've not found it difficult either but that's because I've not had any issues stopping playing pretend when directly asked. I don't get people carrying on pretending with teenagers and adults.

Christmas is just as nice without one tiny bit of it.

I've never said he's real. I've always said "some people believe" and "what do you think?". I've also made it clear that mummy and daddy buy the gifts and let DC think Santa is just a delivery guy.