Help with tricky situation re size of gift pile

[CandyStripedCookieJar]

I know this can be a bit of a contentious issue but I have a unique issue that I would really appreciate some ideas to help with
DD1(20) has ASD, presents as NT when you first meet her but faces hugest challenges, is mature is lots of ways but also very young in ways only visible to immediate family.
One thing that's very important to her (in a much younger child type way) is Christmas. She has very rigid thinking around Christmas and what it should be like and one of those is around having a big pile of presents (influenced by Christmas films when she was younger).
I am not looking for a debate on this as I want a nice Christmas day for us all not ruined by a meltdown (not possible for her to control or understand).
Basically, how do I give her lots of presents without breaking the bank and without buying cheap rubbish?
Any idea for bulking out or cheap good quality gifts so the whole family can enjoy the day?(and the rest of the year as it would be brought up daily!)
Sorry for longish post but context was important here I feel 🐧☃️

Thank you so very much for your supportive suggestions. I really appreciate every single one of them. I've just been on Vinted but ended up a bit overwhelmed- I think I need to know exactly what I want from there then hunt it out!

I agree with the book suggestion - second-hand books can be better than new as you can often find out-of-print stuff and lovely bound editions.

Also, what about some nice folders/notebooks, etc? These are bulky (and easy to wrap).

You get some lovely cake tins too which are great for storage and/or baking.

Definitely a selection box and a big mug full of sweets too!

have a look on the Christmas bargain threads too - I spotted a personal blender on there for £20 instead of £100 made by cusinart that I'm going to give to ds1 who has just gone to uni - it's rechargeable by usb, and can blend smoothies or protein drinks (he's into sport) or make some simple sauces for pasta. It's in a reasonable sized box but looks much more expensive than it was and could be a useful thing for her to have if she likes smoothies or making some of that sort of thing?

EDIT - didn't post link first time I posted!

link to Cuisinart.co.uk

DS is 18 and I've bought him a mattress topper for part of his Christmas present, which has arrived and is nice and bulky! Various similar things on offer at Boots, you could add some bottles of bubble bath too, nice and cheap but hopefully acceptable gifts.
https://www.boots.com/sitesearch?searchTerm=silentnight
I also bought DS a new duvet set and sheet, from George at Asda, which was cheap and he will like. Maybe a nice backpack? I'd like a new one for Xmas now I think about it.

Helium balloon in a big box.
Cushions

Have a look on the Christmas bargains threads on the mnet Christmas board. Lots of live bargains and discounts posted to help keep the cost down. It's currently on thread number 12 https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5211818-thread-12-the-one-with-an-extendable-honk?latest=1

Hey OP, you’ve had some great suggestions here which I hope will help.

I just wanted to say I share your pain. I have 15 yr old twins and we struggle trying to explain the visual presentation. DS wants small expensive gifts (eg PlayStation games) while DD likes cheaper gifts that tend to be larger, such as new art sketching books etc.

DS cannot understand that their two piles might not look different. He also cannot wrap his head around them having a different number of gifts as that wouldn’t be fair. No matter how many times I try and explain the concept of monetary value, he can’t grasp it.

So solidarity 😂❤️

I adopt many of the measures above and it works well. I wrap everything 😂 A multipack of socks - for example - split apart into each individual pair wrapped separately and then tied up in a big bundle together. That sort of thing adds bulk.

Get some small gifts that are themed similarly. Wrap them all individually and then put them all in a large cardboard box filled with bubble wrap, packing peanuts, shredded paper etc. Then tape up and wrap the box. I do stationary like this sometimes - lots of miniature stationary gifts all wrapped and in one box. DD loves stationery.

I also create things that slow them down. So for example, I bought DD a new zipped pouch/bag thingy for her birthday and then I filled it with lots of different hair clips. 61 hair clips to be precise 😂 (DD had asked for hair clips). So investigating the contents can be quite intriguing and when that’s combined with bulky wrapping techniques, it can help to create the impression that there’s a lot to open.

(Also, as an autistic woman myself, the idea of being able to get the contents of a box/bag and organise them all is somewhat exciting! 😂)

I hope this thread has helped 💐

You could get a hamper basket and fill with things she likes. Lots of bows and ribbons could make it look huge with relatively cheap things in it.

I've wrapped up big bags of crisps before to make a pile look bigger.

Tip for Vinted - if you favourite a few items, its algorithm will show you similar things, which thins it out a bit. Plus search very specifically, by brand.

I think boxes is the way to go - in those American 'perfect Christmas' films, it's all boxes under the tree, with big bows, which both takes up space and looks smarter (and easier to wrap!). Even small things can go in shoe boxes.

Wow thank you so much everyone, you are all fabulous. I was worried nobody would understand.

@SpidersAreShitheads It is reassuring for me that I am not alone. Maybe it is a more common problem that I realised!

I love how you're supporting your daughter! I am concerned for your storage space even though this is probably the least of your worries.

Smaller space ideas:

Would she accept something for the whole family? EG new bath towels for everyone?
How about paper lampshades in different colours? Which she could swap out as inspiration strikes but fold up flat?
If the recipes work for your family, then Soup In A Jar: https://wholefully.com/homemade-soup-mixes-in-a-jar/. Cheap and it will get used up! Lots of recipes for cookies in a jar too.
Puzzles from the thrift store - redonate them as they are completed.
Those fake snowballs you see mentioned here: wrap them in different size boxes, and every time one is unwrapped, a snowball fight is triggered! Save in vacuum bag and repeat next year.
Secondhand photo frames with a lovely photo? Do 12 of them - one photo for each month of 2024.

Not sure if this would "work", but how about wrapping not-a-gift to add to the pile? EG wrap an armchair, pile the gifts on top of it... it will look massive, she can still unwrap it, and you can all have a laugh?

Just realised I forgot to say that my twins are both autistic but that might have been obvious (or not?!) 😂

It’s always been a thing for my two, honestly you’re not alone! I think visual cues are such a big thing for so many autistic people, that might be part of the reason too. Plus we tend to have fixed ideas about what something “should” look like so once we have an idea in our head it’s very hard to shake it! 🫣

Your DD is lucky to have you 💐

Also ASD teen here.

He gets told a £ value, so what DH and I contribute, plus that from both sets of grandparents and he fills the amazon basket himself, I pay, I wrap and he unwraps on Xmas morning.

He generally chooses a big lego item and then many many DVDs. And I am instructed to wrap everything separately!

Only food items in the stocking are surprises.

I realise I didn't give you any ideas...

I bought DD a pile of charity shop books a few years ago, spent about £20 for 20 books, I spent weeks trawling for books I know she would like.

You could get a 'yard of...' something. They have party rings, jaffa cakes, pringles, jager at b&m and pound land for a few quid.

I have an adult DC birthday today and although he's not bothered and just asked for one item I still like to do a pile of presents. I went to an oriental supermarket in our university city and got a few things including peach and grape Oreos and Pokemon pop. Probably 2-3 pounds an item so can create a bit of a pile for £20. I do the same in Home Bargains getting slightly quirky snacks I know he will eat. So he has a respectable pile, doesn't end up with a heap of possessions and I feel ok that he has had a few things to open.

An oodie? Slippers? A beanbag if you have room or something like an inflatable chair for her room or if you camp in summer?
also if she likes popcorn we buy DS a bucket of it each year, think it’s from B&M or maybe home bargains. We also get Pringles (he loves them) and this year he wants a tall pack of toffees we saw in the range.
I think food or toiletries is the way to go to bulk up so you don’t end up with loads of stuff to store!
Vinted is great for sets of books or bundles of Lego, play mobile etc - is there anything that DD is interested in you could search for?

An idea I got on here years ago was to get a massive Christmas themed helium balloon and to wrap it in a box.

If she likes going to Costa or somewhere similar you could tie a £5 gift voucher to the bottom of it? You could even do more than one.

Don't beat yourself up or feel silly for being a kind and caring parent. Anyone who would judge you about this is plainly just someone who hasn't got experience of caring for someone who sees the world differently x

DIY hampers can look huge. Get a basket, full with toiletries, or hot chocolate kit, or a baking kit, a car maintenance kit, whatever you think she’d like. That’s ask just cheap but useful things like a mug and packet of marshmallows or bags of flour etc (flour also has the bonus if also being heavy!) Wrap the basket in cellophane with a big bow at the top then wrap that in paper.

as others have said a bean bag, cushions etc are all good ideas. A lamp? Family board games if you’d play them? Selection boxes, adult colouring books. Would she do a puzzle? Puzzle cloths can be wrapped up quite big. Definitely food items like large bags or buckets of popcorn. Posters. A teddy if she likes them.
some places sell huge cardboard cut outs which I know is ‘tat’ but not if she likes it and at least it can be recycled

maybe also go to somewhere cheap and pick up a few gift boxes and tissue paper and put smaller items into larger pretty boxes too.
what does she like to do? Perhaps we can suggest large gifts around her interests

Where did you get those PI pillows? They’re one of the very few that don’t give me neck ache! I’d love to get one for myself.

2nd hand! I just picked up a gaming rocker for a tenner that retails at £50. It's massive!!

A new blanket, throw, bedding, etc are all bulky (and useful). You can also make it a family gift by getting matching “sofa blankets” for movie nights etc.

you could go with a bathroom theme - a new towel set, dressing gown and then bath things to match.

someone earlier said a helium balloon in a box - I’d recommend the air walker balloons which look like animals and are quite entertaining regardless of age (I’d love someone to send me one and I’m in my 40s). I usually get them from balloonmonkey.

Good luck with all of the wrapping!!!!

I am not looking for a debate on this as I want a nice Christmas day for us all not ruined by a meltdown (not possible for her to control or understand).

so you’ll be doing this forever then?

might it be worth reducing gradually every year for the next few years?

Luckily my DH is VERY good at clear outs! Weirdly so is daughter.