What can I buy for my impossible to buy for (and I really mean impossible to buy for) DP?

[OMarina]

My lovely DP is impossible to buy for. It was easier in the early days of our relationship, but the arrival of children has made it harder as getting out for days or nights away is impossible.

He is a mass of contradictions.

He is very deep thinking and loves finding things out, but never reads. He’ll read articles on his phone but that’s about it. He likes New Scientist but as he’s got an art background likes design magazines. I’m pretty sure if I got him a subscription it would never get read.

He likes useful, well designed things. Scandi type stuff etc.

He is a very good cook. I’ve tried cookery classes for other cuisines before which he’s enjoyed up to a point (he comes from a culture with a very big food culture, and he is very cynical about just about every other world cuisine.) Plus I’ve done it so many times now it’s a bit over done as a gift.

He loves art, taking photographs. We will never, ever get to a gallery any time soon though so an art pass is out.

Please help me. I thought I’d nailed it last year as I got him a new camera which is so far not even out of the box. One year I took him to a spa and he grumbled all weekend. He is not practical so tools are out, not into cars, not into sports, likes music but was never much of a gig goer. For Father’s Day a couple of years ago I got him one of those V&A Lego sets and he told me off in case our toddler tried to eat one of the pieces. Another year I got him useful things for his commute (good quality waterproofs etc) which he told me he didn’t need as he’d recently replaced them.

He asked for pants and socks when I asked him what he wanted but we’ve had such a shit year I really want him to have something nice. He likes merino wool base layers but I’ve got him enough of those.

I also bought him a watch from somewhere hopelessly hip in Shoreditch which I had to return as it was “too big for his wrist.”

Help.

A painting from a gallery or an art print?

jeez I came to say the same thing. He sounds like an insufferable bore with prejudices to stub your toe on.

just buy him the pants he wants. He’ll judge you whatever you do.

I find these inflexible stick in the mud superior types really dull.

“oh he’s far too discerning to appreciate anything is mere mortals could dream up. He operates on a different plane to us”. Ugh.

Does he wear nice shoes?

www.loake.com/product/valet-box-luxury/

Cashmere or merino joggers and hoodie for being lazy.

Merino trunks (underpants) - very smooth & soft £££ luxury item (Icebreaker)

Shame they don’t sell manners in shops!

What an absolute arsehole re the Lego.
Presumably your child is older now, just get that back out of the cupboard and regift with a note saying “should be safe now”.

He is very deep thinking and loves finding things out, but never reads.

I mean, c’mon op.

he hates every present I’ve ever bought but will be really hurt if I don’t buy anything.

I’ll say it again op. C’mon!

Also arty but would never go in a gallery… what?

It sounds like he’s constructed his entire ‘identity’ from the pages of monocle magazine (does that still exist?) and doesn’t actually have a clue who he is. Everything you’ve mentioned that is ‘him’ is just a massive cliche. That’s why he’s such a bore and impossible to buy for. Sounds like a passion-free zone. Who is he really?

Sorry that was mean… he sounds like an ex and I’m projecting!

how about going to stay at cabu in Kent with the kids and visiting Dungeness on the little railway? Fun and good for taking photos. Sounds up his street style-wise

Something to make like a book book.

I think perhaps the issue here is that you see presents as surprises and ‘known gifts’ as somehow less thoughtful. Just ask him and accept what he says, and accept that you’ve definitely still been thoughtful. Also tell him that you’d like to treat him, and is there something special that you could get. On the socks front, I highly recommend a top quality pair of socks as a treat (I have the grey ones and they are fab): https://www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-made-in-italy-cashmere-blend-ribbed-socks/charcoal/p112142742 A regular subscription to London Sock Co could also allow him choice. https://londonsockcompany.com/?utm_source=google_map&utm_medium=organic

He’s asked for pants and socks so just get him what he’s asked for… sounds like vvvv hard work lol

One of David Crystal's encyclopaedias about Language, I know you said he doesn't read but these books are a sort of dip in book with things like maps of where English is influenced by the Vikings.

https://www.cambridge.org/gb/universitypress/subjects/languages-linguistics/english-language-and-linguistics-general-interest/cambridge-encyclopedia-english-language-3rd-edition?format=PB&isbn=9781108437738

Coins - I've bought a few for people over the years from the Royal Mint, they can go up in value quite a lot and don't take much space if just shoved in a drawer.

Due to the change in monarch the only 2023 coins with the kings head on in circulation are 50p pieces and in 2024 50p and a £1 but you can gets sets of currency https://www.royalmint.com/shop/brilliant-uncirculated/

The 50p coins come in various additions so if he is into myths, Harry Potter, Star Wars or the Snowman you can get those coins.

You can also get small gold bars.

Kitchen equipment that is a bit unusual or hard to get. A friend has brought me knives back from Japan and a square frying pan. You could get a dabber with spices (you don't mention what his culture is so you may already have things).

One of the most successful gifts I bought was a radio. It is a wind up radio, that also runs on solar and is also a torch and has USB charging points.

There’s always some interesting books around for people who don’t read, like have design plans, photographs or diagrams in them. I even found some architectural pop up books once

Oh gosh please could I have the details?? This would be perfect for my DH

I once read here that men after a certain age only want nicer versions of things they already own.

Well mostly- get him the socks!
Frame a couple of pictures he has taken in nice frames?
Consumables. So nice food drink. Its my go to for hard to please parent, shove some homemaking at him and move on 😅
Or buy sth fancy if he is a foody.
High end cooking accessories, so really good knives, set of cutting boards (csn get some really nice wooden ones) or something else you think he would use.

Does he like meals out? Book somewhere fancy for the 2 of you, (if you can arrange a babysitter)
Mechanical watch? (One that fits this time 😅) they are the ones that don't have batteries. Fits the well made and engineered, I think they are fascinating 😆
Why didn't he use the camera, does he have a favourite one he uses?
Can you accessorise around that? New case, good tripod, new lenses?

Some kind of photography excursion? Either organised or just a day out somewhere, does he like scenery, wildlife, buildings?

But- maybe give up on the total suprise, ask him- would you like xyz? If eg the watch or the meal out then the details are still a surprise, but you haven't stressed the both of you out by wasting money on something he really just doesn't want.
Also it would be better to find a few small things thay might make him smile than expecting to find a 'big" present for an adult. It sucks when people are hard to buy for, but it's no fun being the person guilted into desperately trying to find SOMETHING you would like so they can feel good about getting it for you.

@YorkshireFelix was the course next door to a local butchers?!

Digital photo frame, pre filled with family photos for his desk at work.

Silly question- but does he like doing things together? I'm thinking something like a bread baking course (sour dough is all the rage!) But as a couple. You spending a day on something that interests mostly him. Same as the photography excursion idea, if he'd enjoy going somewhere and you being patient while he takes all the picture he wants while he tells you alll the facts he knows and you don't complain seems pretty thoughtful 🤣

Side note, is he totally NT? Because having very fixed interests that he doesn't want to expand on, and being fixed on things like using the waterproofs he has bought, never using a new camera, and pretty untactful gift rejections make it sound like is is a bit of a dick, "painfully honest'(same thing) or possibly somewhere on the ND spectrum. Which basically means the first 2 might still apply but there is a better reason for it so you accept the quite black and white thinking without getting offended!

As a fellow January birthday person, I feel I have to comment and request that you don't combine his Christmas gift with his birthday 😂

This. I really don't understand the desperation people have to buy things for people who've said they don't want them. Let him choose his own stuff in his own time.

He says he wants pants and socks, get him those. Add in chocs, cheese, steak or booze if you feel you need to buy more things.

@Shoobidowhop here it is, they are in Ilkley. The guy who runs it is fab www.communitycutlery.co.uk/collections/sharpening-courses-and-gift-vouchers

@ranoutofquinoaandprosecco yes it will be the place you're thinking of 😄

Seriously I would go for the socks and pants option. Plus a chocolate santa.
Don't spend money just for the sake of it.

Maybe a subscription to National Theatre at home or a beautiful leather journal to write his favourite family recipes in so your kids can make them in years to come.

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/acronyms