Miserable husband

[Essieloulou]

Christmas Isnt the same with adult children but i still try to make an effort , i always go to my parents its dads bday on xmas day he is 82 with dementia so i want to make memories with him whilst i still can, thing is my husband is a miserable s*#t and wont go and see my parents, they havent fell out ,my husband is just lazy, so xmas i go to mums with my son stay a few hours then go home and get the whole ive been on mt own you dont care act from my husband , ive tried to involve him but nothing, i suppose im just looking to rant , anyone else have this problem

It's not your job to facilitate him or cook his Christmas dinner. He has three choices

Visit your family with you
Make arrangements with his own family/friends
Stay at home alone

Tell him you do care about him and that's why you're happy to let him choose what he wants to do.

Has he always been like this? My husband went through a phase of never wanting to do anything so we’d stay at home and he’d be miserable making everyone else miserable to. After a while I carried on with the weekend running errands or visiting people and pointed out if you want to sit at home being a misery pants crack on but I want to go and do whatever. He’s seems to have snapped out of it now and realised lolling about all day isn’t great for him. Even if it does mean a trip to parents that wind him up!

"I've been on my own wah wah wah..."

"Ok dear."

"You don't care."

"I think I'll have a piece of Christmas cake? Do you want any?"

"But wah, wah wah

"Ok, I'll be in the kitchen"

Don't play up to him.

If he want's act like a Christmas bitch let him. Doesn't mean you need to listen. He just wants to make you miserable so you can be miserable together.

Loving these answers lol

A miserable man wants his wife to be miserable with him.
Carry on with your plans and take no notice of him, he sounds like a dick.

He thi ks everyone should fit intp what he wants, which mainly involves sitting there, ive started doing my own thing more, i cant cope with the boredom

Are his parents still alive? Does he see them?

I'd just tell him he's a miserable bastard and he can either cheer the fuck up or you will leave him. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Just tell him beforehand you and son are not going to sit in all Christmas Day, it's a day about others (your dad) and it's good for your son to see you put other people before yourselves.

He is welcome to join you going out and about he doesn't have to be alone, but if that is what HE CHOOSES to do that's fine, but you will not listen to any oh woe is me act on your return. And tell your son, he's an adult, what to expect fron his petty dad so miseryguts can have both of you rolling your eyes at him ob return.

I would advise you follow up this conversation with a WhatsApp message "just to reiterate what we spoke about so you can't say we didn't discuss this......" So he can't say he wasn't told and you have confirmation in writing.

Yes it's petty, like him, but honestly ignoring miserable, wanting to control everyone else's day men is the only way to deal with them.

Have a great Christmas Day OP.

I wanted to say same as @frozendaisy
Tell him before hand that this is the plan, welcome to join us but if you don't then I don't want to hear any whingeing and crying about it and you're bored of the same old complaints.

You said
i always go to my parents
and
so xmas i go to mums with my son stay a few hours then go home

I am not clear if you mean that you have always, always done this or if this is just something you have done since your Dad got dementia and your so grew up.

If always then, TBH, I would be a bit cheesed off if I was your OH. Spending Christmas with your parents might be lovely for you but can you really expect your DH to want to for this every year. Are his parents still alive and, if they are, how would you feel if he wanted to drag you all there one Christmas? What's wrong with spending Christmas in your own home. Or maybe having your parents at your house for a change.

Its mybdads birthday, in the past we have been to his parents , and have had them round ours , that isnt an option anymore since hubby got the biggest dog ever and i dont want my elderly parents being jumped at and knocked over , plus he hasnt bothered seeing my parents for a yr , dad might not know who he is now , i dont thinknthat spending a few hrs at me parents housr for my dads birthday is much to ask tbh, when his parents were alive i was always there , i cared for his mum when she was sick, and he cant even be arsed with a happy birthday so yeah , i think il put them first

I'd ask your mum and dad if they fancy you cooking christmas dinner round at theirs. Take the kids and spend the whole day with your DPs.

My dad doesn't like Christmas, he said as a primary school teacher he's all Christmassed out but even he manages to go to my sister's for Christmas dinner

Your DH is for life not just for Christmas, this is obviously only one example of him dragging you down. I'm wondering why you're still with him and - to some extent - still indulging him. Your kids are adults, let him go and be miserable on his own.

If your dad's 82 that means you've got a lot of life left, far too precious to be curtailing it with a miserable sod.

@Essieloulou i fully concur with @Gymnopedie (fantastic name and music!).

life’s too short. What joy does your husband bring to your life. Marie Kondo his life out of yours and find that spark.