Christmas WWYD?

[CoffeeDogwalkTennis]

Dear Mumsnetters, I need your perspectives and advice.

Some background: 8 months ago my aunt renovated her bathroom and asked if she could use our shower - no problem, even though on one occasion I had just been in hospital with an e-coli infection.

2 months ago I had double knee replacement surgery and my aunt had called and visited only once.

Now we come to the crux- last year I invited my parents, my aunt and cousins for Christmas dinner and buffet, and as I always do, packed enough food for our guests to have dinner the following day. It being the season of goodwill, I’d invite my aunt and cousins again. But my husband is of the opinion that since they care so little about my wellbeing, not to bother.

WWYD?

Mountains out of molehills springs to mind. Not sure the bathroom thing is relevant. She did contact you post op. If you don't want to invite her, don't, but I can't see the woman has done anything wrong. Guessing DH is either a miserable git or just doesn't like her.

I don’t think the bathroom
sifuatuon is relevant.

How often does she usually visit? Is she close by?

If one of my aunts visited when I was ill I would think they must care a lot! But that’s because they live far away and I barely see them.

i don’t think it’s enough of a slight to cancel
long standing Christmas plans but perhaps there is more to this story?

What a nothing event. How often did you want your Aunt to visit after your op? Are you normally both visiting each other constantly?

If you want her to come for Christmas then invite her if you don't then don't but I wouldn't tell anyone the reasons you have given here as you will sound petty.

I think it's unhelpful to equate number of visits to whether your Aunt cares about your wellbeing.
If you genuinely think she doesn't care about you, then don't make further effort, but know for certain before you make a decision that could harm your relationship forever.

to put our relationship in context, over the years I have always called her every week to check how she is (there’s 9 years age difference only). And helped out whenever she asked me.

My aunt doesn’t initiate any contact with me or my parents.

The reasons I’ve invited her and my cousin for Christmas was to build a sense of family, which clearly, she’s not interested in.

And yet when my aunt was in hospital I visited every 2 days, fed her, made her comfortable etc, over a 6 month period.

I feel it’s a one way relationship even though we live less than 1 mile apart

Does you Aunt perhaps find you a bit intense? That's a lot of one way traffic.

I think message her to say you’ve decided to have a quiet Christmas this year after surgery and don’t feel up to hosting. That puts an end to any assumption she may have that you’re catering for her and her offspring. Sounds like you invest much more in the relationship than she does.