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Guest joining in fun issues :any ideas or tips to get them involved?

16 replies

Christmaschristingle · 09/11/2024 15:56

I have a very dear and wonderful older friend (70s) friend who usually joins us, my teeny family for Xmas day.
Dh, 2 dc (13 and 18).
We don't have other family so it's lovely having him. He's extremely interesting and tells wonderful stories and is a born ranconter.

However he's also a long time bachelor, no dc
I think this contributes to making him precious about himself sometimes and what he's willing to do. Eg one year we had a Disney film on and he had a strong reaction putting his hand yo saying he couldn't watch it, it was too much the accents the bright colours etc.

So later on as "background", I put on Morecambe and wise as safe, suit all background. He critised that.

He doesn't like playing any games at all, no board games or card games but we like doing something at the table that's inclusive and fun like charades. He said charades reminds him of his mum who had a stroke years ago.

( 40 plus years ago).

My dc only discovered charades last year and we had a fabulous time (he wasn't there) playing it

It's one of the only times of year we have our table out as well.
My family arnt talkers so charades was a real hit.

I'm not sure what to do because whilst I obviously feel his sensitivity around his mum I also feel bad he had dc he would have played so much charades by now he would have no associations with his mum.
I also feel it's something deeper that he's afraid of losing and didn't want to seem silly.

On the very rare occasions in the past 17 years I've managed to get him to play a game not charadea it's been very funny and highly amusing for all.

I do understand his sensitivity but at the same time he's enjoying Xmas day with a family and I think he has to accommodate what they want also even with a few games?.

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ChristmasCwtch · 09/11/2024 16:03

As a guest, you should be flexible. I would make an excuse not to have him with you. You only have a short time where you’ll have just your DC with you for Christmas… without partners or alternating to another family etc. No way would I put up with anyone grumping and trying to dictate what’s on the tv.

ScanaDully · 09/11/2024 16:04

Hmm I don't think it's necessarily an age thing. I've always despised parlour games like charades.

I wouldn't complain or make anyone feel uncomfortable though, I'd just decline to participate and be happy watching keeping score etc.

Even as a child I hated things like that, also dancing, karaoke, other things that require a performance or role play type thing. Can't bear it.

Christmaschristingle · 09/11/2024 16:08

Two opposite replies and both v interesting.

He's good company and always has funny stories which in a family of non talkers I'm greatful for.
Usually it's me trying to chat etc so I'm greatful for the company but I don't think 40 mins of one game is too much??

It may make us feel self conscious if we play and he's sat watching
But I also agree Xmas is so short with the dc but I think having him there over all is more fun for the dc in terms of buzz and chat??

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cheddercherry · 09/11/2024 16:13

I suppose you could pop him in another room for half an hour whilst you play something so he’s not sat watching you, not joining in? Or set a time for him to visit and plan your activities for after he goes home? It sounds a bit stifling of a guest to be quite so obstructive though. Do your children also enjoy his company? It sounds quite a buzz kill if he’s dictating what the family can/ can't do/ watch/ play.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 09/11/2024 17:38

What about something like Articulate? Two teams and he can chime in as and when he wants, rather than taking a turn. Or he could read the cards out.

If he doesn’t like that, then tell him he’s welcome to go and sit down while you enjoy Charades. Hopefully that will make him understand that he’s joining your Christmas, not tailoring your Christmas to suit him.

Christmaschristingle · 09/11/2024 18:09

@cheddercherry unfortunately it's one living /dining area and our kitchen is too small to stash him in.

It's annoying, he could go and sit in the other part of the room if course
It's very hard because it's lovely having him here but I do feel frustrated that he can't be flexible or understands it's one day out of his bachelors life for dc??

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AgathaChristmas · 09/11/2024 18:55

Does he ever ask what you would like for Christmas? Could you say 'oh Uncle X it would be wonderful if you could find a game we could all enjoy on Christmas afternoon?'

CactusPat · 09/11/2024 19:06

Would he sit and do a jigsaw? Or not play but think of some funny things to mime out for you/the kids?

I honestly don’t think it’s rude to say to him that you will be doing games with the kids, but you’re really not offended if he wants to take a glass of wine and a book to the other room for half an hour, and leave him to relax. Some people genuinely just don’t like that sort of stuff.

Christmaschristingle · 09/11/2024 21:45

@Whothefuckdoesthat articulate could be good call..
There is game where you draw stuff as well, sort of charades but with drawing I could look at.

Unfortunately unless I put him in my bedroom there is no where else to go bar the main sitting area...

He does make some calls on Xmas day so I could ask him to make those whilst we are playing.

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Christmaschristingle · 09/11/2024 21:45

@CactusPat definitely not a jigsaw.

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NuffSaidSam · 09/11/2024 21:50

I'd try and get him involved in another way. Some people just don't like those sort of games and I don't think you can change that. Let him be the dealer/referee/question master etc. Maybe he can make up the suggestions for charades and then do the timing. It actually works quite well because then you can have two teams of two instead of a two and a three.

KateJ521 · 09/11/2024 23:27

I think this one is quite easy. Just send him a message to invite him or say you are looking forward to having him. Then say lunch will be at x time, and then in evening (from aroung y time) you are going to play some games and watch a film which he is welcome to stay for but understand it can be a bit much so can also skip if he prefers.

KateJ521 · 09/11/2024 23:28

NuffSaidSam · 09/11/2024 21:50

I'd try and get him involved in another way. Some people just don't like those sort of games and I don't think you can change that. Let him be the dealer/referee/question master etc. Maybe he can make up the suggestions for charades and then do the timing. It actually works quite well because then you can have two teams of two instead of a two and a three.

Also a good idea

User364837 · 09/11/2024 23:31

He sounds fairly blunt and not afraid of saying what he thinks.

would it work if you were the same - just upfront about it?

eg. We really enjoy charades so are going to play it now, totally understand if you don’t want to join in.

we’ll probably watch a Disney film at some point, do you want to bring your headphones or a book or something if you don’t fancy it?

something like that?

or beforehand - we’re looking forward to having you again just a heads up the kids are really keen to play charades….

Christmaschristingle · 10/11/2024 08:31

I think getting him to make up the things to act out is good and getting him to time it.

I'll ask him if he's sensitivity allows him to do that.
Then he's included but not having to act it out.

Yes he's very honest about what he does and doesn't like but he's not blunt with it he's very kind empathetic man but also I guess because he lives alone and had no children spends an awful lot of time thinking about himself and what he does and doesn't like any his childhood etc.

@User364837 I'd love to do that 🤣🤣🤣

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Christmaschristingle · 10/11/2024 17:48

I was thinking I may make my own crackers with a game in them also. Not charades but something else.

This also doesn't combat the TV. Film issue 😕

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