Money and the need to have something to open

[Apigwithoutablanket]

DS is 19 and doesn't want anything for christmas but he'd be happy with money. Fair enough, I get it. My struggle however is balancing what he wants with my own thoughts that he 'needs' something to open.

I don't have a lot of money. If I give him £100, I'll then spend another £50 - 100 on bits for him to open. Things which he doesn't need, hasn't asked for, but will get used, like socks/quirky bits/sweets/art pens/toiletries etc.

I then think to myself I should have just given him £200.

How do others work it when money is requested by older children, particularly when money is tight? All money, no physical gifts? Split between the two?

Actually, latterly I've been using a note saying check your bank about, rather than actual cash.

Could you wrap up the money inside boxes of chocolate, a lynx africa set, a phone charger etc so each present he gets £5/£10 inside and something fun but fairly cheap and will be used to open?

What will he buy with the money? Can't you just buy that?

Another option could be something money-adjacent but doesn't cost a lot, like a few scratch cards as part of the stocking gifts.

I give my DS money or tokens I save Bisto tubs, jars .cereal boxes etc .wrap up box with wrapping paper. And maybe more than one box as well.money enclosed. I had a Pringles tube, covered the outside with notes of £5 and £10 stuck on with blu tack! then wrapped !

still give a selection box ,some after shave .socks and a tub of nuts from M and S!

I’ve wrapped up one of those Hotel Chocolat slabs saying Happy Christmas and included a note about the money.

I agree with you that it's nice to get them something to open. If you have time you could make him a photobook or just print out lots of photos from his childhood and put them in a nice box. Less than a tenner and really meaningful. If you have a great photo of him or both of you then you could get a photo mug or frame it to put it on his wall (Snappy Snaps have some).

I don't think people have enough photos of themselves and so much online gets deleted.

Maybe get someone ( or yourself ) to do a money gift box then just a stocking with basic bits

I’ve never given mine money as a gift , if they don’t want / need anything they get some surprises from us and that’s it . We have never had a set budget so I feel no obligation to give them a certain amount . If they want something or want to point me in the right direction then they write me a list

I'm not too into the "need to unwrap a gift" thing for adults.
For children its fun though.

Selection box, candy canes, chocolate orange, lynx set, maybe gloves or hat from primark, books from the works. If he's into cars then car washing stuff. They're all useful bits that you can pick up cheaply for him to open

I give my adult kids stockings stuffed with useful and cheap consumables like batteries, emery boards, travel packs of toiletries, favourite foods - things I know they will use, rather than tat. There is nothing worse than opening an expensive present that you don't want and wishing you could have had the cash instead.

I used to give actual cash with a big slab of chocolate ( hotel chocolat do Happy Christmas/ birthday ones)
I completely get your dilemma, as you want to see him open something but maybe he's just happy with cash?
You could do the same with a box of beers or anything really but i would only spend say £10 on extra
Of course a note saying " check your bank" can work the same as cash

I have a 15 DS so younger but I’ve had the same problem. He has asked for money for the last 2 years as he was saving for something big each time.

I am someone who loves the Christmas present hoo-ha and get a lot of joy thinking of
lovely presents and decided that I would give him half cash, and then half in presents and his stocking as normal.

We’ve just cleared out his room and the amount of bloody toot we’ve got rid off -
which was my own doing! and seeing it all piled up made me feel slightly sick. Just a stupid waste of money just so that I felt good. He didn’t want any of it so he used this and that a couple of times and then shoved under his bed.

This year he is getting a gaming chair and some trainers - and his stocking with all things he’ll use everyday like his favourite snacks / nice shower gel / socks and pants - because that’s the law! / lottery ticket.

It was a lesson to myself!

So I’d say, all the money and his stocking.

If you’re a game / card type family you could do a ‘family’ present of a new board game and all treaty bits and make a night of it?

See. I’m doing it again 🤣
Send help!

My kids are still young but I imagine I'll struggle with the idea of them not opening anything too. And like a previous poster, I'm not keen on money and vouchers anyway, but hard to avoid with older kids I guess. I think I would give £100-150 in cash, then split the remaining £50-100 between a stocking and some gifts under the tree. Id try to buy stuff he'd be buying with the cash - art pens like you said, other art supplies?, clothes he'd be likely to buy. Plus edible gifts, chocolate or whatever. I like the previous posters suggestion of putting cash inside a new book. Tbh even gift cards to his favourite places, Starbucks or whatever, are a bit more personal than cash, and could be 'opened' in some way.