A bit of background, my husband and I stayed local and live less than 10 mins drive from each of our parents. Both our siblings relocated elsewhere. Neither set of grandparents will make a plan to spend time with our kids but will pop in when it suits them if they're passing etc.
One sibling is a single working parent with one child and lives 2.5 hrs away. She comes up and stays with parents or drops her child off for a few days/up to a full week most school holidays.
The other sibling lives an hour away and parents help with childcare 2 days a week.
I honestly regret staying local as we don't get the same help and support as the others who chose to move away!
The really upsetting thing for me is, we never get Christmas. Our youngest (8) has never spent Christmas day with either set of grandparents. One of the siblings is a bit flaky, so parents will wait for her to announce plans before basically telling us what we're doing with them! The one that lives an hour away always hosts the other set of our parents and since we've all had kids there isn't room for us all...
I've tried discussing it and asking for alternate years for Christmas in vain. I've suggested sibling has Xmas day and we have boxing day, but they like to stay over and have a fixed routine for both days. I won't ask again. With the other sibling, by the time we're told what she's doing, it's usually the week before, and if they don't see her we end up being 'summoned' for boxing day. Parent is too upset to host or attend Xmas day as misses absent sibling so much...
I do make more formal plans to meet up with grandparents but it's always me that has to make the arrangements. If I don't make these semi formal arrangements they pop by when it's unplanned (and usually less convenient for us).
I'm not really looking for advice about how to change the situation, it's so entrenched now I can't see that happening. I just feel sad about it. Every year I hope it might be different but it never is. It's quite hurtful.