Christmas is not the same anymore

[Olivasand]

Anyone else starting to feel the pressure of Christmas arrangements? I have been divorced now for many years from my children’s dad, and each year we usually alternate Christmas dinner for the kids.
I have two children and it really hurts knowing my daughter is so sad and upset because she now doesn’t look forward to Christmas because in her words it’s never going to be the same and I completely agree. She is in her twenties and my Son is 16. They feel pressured to be with both of us, and as sad as it would make me not seeing them on Christmas Day, I want to take that pressure off them and say it’s fine to spend this year with your dad on Christmas Day. I have said this but the kids still want to spend part of the day with me. I just want them to both be happy.

What about going ahead and planning the Christmas day how you'd like to spend it. Plan things that aren't part of your usual traditions so there is less pressure for things to be exactly as they were.

Let your kids know your plans and tell them they are welcome to join you for some or all of it and just let you know. It takes the pressure off everyone.

Every Christmas is different and it's a lesson most of us come to learn over the years with the cycle of life. The only option is to take each one as it comes and not expect them to be the same. Some are good, some are less good. In your future are Christmases probably dominated by your kids and their families which will be wonderful. Maybe take some time now to do exactly what you want.

Last year, having done all the preparations, I ended up spending Christmas alone with Covid - I have very elderly relatives I wouldn't want to compromise. At the last minute my poor Mum was farmed out to distant relatives for the celebration. She had a fabulous time though!

Could you invite your ex to Christmas dinner so that you are all together? I completely appreciate that this may not be possible.

We split the day, so we either have our DD in the morning or afternoon. We do whatever she wants us to do. But we are civil and there are never any arguments about it.