Tell me what your Christmas is like

[Choccymumma]

We've got into a bit of a rut in terms of christmas being the same every year and its lost its magic a bit.
We always entertain which we don't mind but some family have managed to spoil it the last few years with unreasonable behaviour, expecting too much and putting pressure on. We can't not invite them as they are main family but I fancy changing it up a bit so we don't make it about everyone else.
What are your Christmas's like?

I think mixing up the guest list can help. I remember as a teen we all behaved better on the years when my parents had a random friend visit for the day. It wasn’t about behaving for an audience so much as just something that got some fresh air into the dynamic

As an adult I find it seems to work on our parents too when they come to us 😂

Ours is pretty boring tbh but I love it. It is just us over Christmas and we visit family before the big day. We drive around the lights and go to the local pantomime. Tree always goes up early as I love Christmas. Husband isn’t too keen though! Children are 18,15 and 9.x

You absolutely can not invite them.

Are they from one side of the family or both?

If you're mixing both sides of the family and it doesn't really work, say you'll move to every other year with each side. Or every third year with one year in three just being your own household.

It's nice for everyone to be included at Christmas but if you want to be invited again next year you have to behave yourself.

We do every other year and this year is technically the in laws' turn. But they live five minutes away and aren't big on Christmas so we might just have a quiet year.

You absolutely can just not invite them if they've been arseholes. You're grown, you can choose to have a quiet Christmas.

We do one year on, one year off. So last year it was the huge family Christmas with everyone from my family and DH's family. Utter, utter barmy chaos but generally a lot of fun. Exhausting for everyone, but fun.

This year it'll be a quiet one with just me, husband and daughter. We'll visit with our families before and after the main day, but Christmas day will just be the three of us. We have a deliberately very lazy and chill day so it's the exact opposite of the lunacy of the big family Christmasses.

We tend to alternate between being away and being home - and when we're home we switch between having dinner just us, at ILs or with my parents.

If it's a 'home' year, the morning is usually relaxed, just me and DH. We open presents, have breakfast then go to my sisters to see her dc.
Then either go to ILs or my mums for lunch if we're doing that.

Either one tends to be similar. Guests vary - sometimes SIL & BIL and their dc, sometimes just us at ILs.
At my parents it's always the same people.

If we’re home for dinner, again it can be just us, my parents, my sister and her family, both or ILs.

For the evening we try and invite the people we didn't have lunch with to come to ours for cheese
Last time we were home we ended up with an unexpected houseful which was really nice. We ended up listening to music, chatting, teaching the kids some card games and just having a good catch up.

If no one comes, we chuck a Christmas film on and eat cheese just the 2 of us.

If we're away, Christmas Day is totally random depending on location, but I don't think that helps answer your question OP.

I definitely think changing the guest list is fine, especially if people are ruining it for you. If you do it now, people have plenty of notice to make other arrangements.
Or if you host, can you arrange to visit someone late afternoon so the guests have to go home?

I agree with posters above you get too few Christmas’ (especially with your kids) to have them ruined by extended family members. Go away this year, visit in laws or book a cottage, or just simple say you’re having a quiet one this year and enjoy the day with those closest to you … who appreciate it!

Agreeing that it is absolutely possible to not invite people, however close family they are, especially if you give plenty of notice and say, right around now, that you're having a quiet one this year, or going away, or whatever.

We've had lots of different phases of Christmases down the years. For a long time, DP and I used to stay with friends who had a family house in the Swiss Alps, or borrow another friend's cottage in Southwold. Once we spent it in India. Then we had DS (all our families were in our home country)and DH was by then in a job that involved him always working on Boxing Day, so we stayed at home and had a quiet one, just the three of us. Then when he quit that job, we tended to travel to our home city, rent an apartment, and host both immediate families for Christmas Day, then have a giant 'using up the leftovers and dismantling the borrowed tree/decorations' party for all family and friends on the 27th before heading home.

Now we've moved back to our home country, and we host. Usually my family on Christmas Day and DH's on Boxing Day. But we're not wedded to this.

We have Christmas day either at home with my parents or at their house and then boxing day visit in laws.
If you say it early, you can definitely mix it up. Just say you fancy a Christmas meal out and see them boxing day? Or go away for Christmas? It's such a lovely time and if that's becoming a stressful I'd change it. Kids are only small for a very short time!

We've decided while the kids are small we'll have christmas day at home just me, DH and 2 DD's. We live near to both mine and DH's families so see them christmas eve and boxing day but christmas day is all about us, eating when suits us, taking the dog for a nice walk, cosying up in the evening with hot chocolate, some treats and a christmas movie

Generally ignore it.
No tree, decorations, roast dinner, or faffing about.
Just presents for any children we know, and most of them are grown up now.
And then just happy when January arrives.

I guess that's not what you're looking for, but scaling back might reduce stress and be more fun!

Or book a lovely holiday, go away and leave the family at home 🙂

I love Christmas, and I love hosting, so I get to have a few Christmasses!
I'm from a big family, and I more or less know by now which family and friends are coming on Christmas day, which on Boxing day, and who wants a quiet time with their immediate family, and we will either go out for a meal, or they will come to me before Christmas for something other than Christmas dinner.
I have a mix of ages and some will not have seen the other for a while, so plenty of catching up, and I think that helps, because no one is competing for attention, and no one feels forced to appear when they don't want to.

Between my mum and her husband, my brothers family and my sister, we rotate each year on who hosts but we don’t all go, so my brother will host my mum and her husband and my sister. In which case we will have DH family over.

Christmas eve the kids open their Xmas even boxes which have a book, hot chocolate, a snack and some pjs & slippers in. Then we Chinese for dinner and the kids will put out their stockings and we’ll go out and sprinkle reindeer food (bird seed) before going to bed along with Father Christmas’ cookie and baileys/apricot brandy and a carrot for Rudolph.

Christmas morning we get up, the kids open most of not all the Father Christmas presents while me and DH exchange gifts and have a coffee. Then we have cream cheese and smoked salmon bagels for breakfast. I cook Christmas dinner (and drink Buck’s Fizz all day long) we usually have some form of family around in the morning doing the rounds. We have Christmas dinner.

Evening comes and we have some games, play with the kids and the toys they got. Then when the kids have had supper and gone to bed me and DH will put on a film and have cheese and biscuits for supper.

It’s pretty consistent every year. Although this year I would like to go out for Christmas dinner. I don’t fancy cooking again. It’s costly. The only thing I will do is cook some roast potatoes to have for dipping into Camembert in the evening.

The only thing I will do is cook some roast potatoes to have for dipping into Camembert in the evening.

OOOH! Why has this never occured to me? Sounds lush.
Though I would have to start again, there are never any left over, no matter how many I cook.

It's just me and dp now as the children are adults and do their own thing.
We have a lovely Christmas breakfast and open a couple of presents and then go for a walk.
Come back and cook dinner and then open more presents and we always watch Die Hard.
Boxing Day we do a brunch for friends and family and then we have a couple of nights away before new year.

The coming Christmas will be different from all before it. My wonderful DH is in a nursing home with severe dementia. Last Christmas was his final one at home and we all (except him) knew it so we all tried to make it as wonderful, but calm as we possibly could. It's a good memory but by December he won't remember it at all.

None of us have said anything about this year. DS has a serious g/f and might want to be with her, and I have a sister who might be in care by then but who will want visiting. I thought things would get easier as we all got older!

All I want is to be with DH in his nursing home for at least part of the day.

@FlipFlops4Me Sending you and your family best wishes xx

You don’t have to invite anyone if you don’t want to!! For my baby’s first Christmas we went to my parents house for breakfast and presents and then to my partners family for lunch and presents. We didn’t end up getting back home until 4/5 and then baby had a long nap and we barley got to spend any time together just the 3 of us. It wasn’t a bad day, it just wasn’t what I wanted Christmas to be.

He will be 3 at Christmas this year and just like last year and the year before we will be visiting both of our parents in the morning for presents and then aiming to be back home by around 1pm. Doing it this way means that everyone gets to see everyone but we also get time together just the 3 of us and if he does have a long nap then we will still have lots of time left with him afterwards 🤗 We do stocking presents and his presents from Santa in bed in the morning before we go and then when we get back we do presents from us and then I make buffet food for tea. We go to Toby Carvery for Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve as it’s cheaper, nicer and so much easier!!

Ours is pretty boring tbh but we love it. If I’m working, I always finish 1 latest, give Dc thier Xmas Eve boxes. Usually have Chinese for dinner Christmas Eve, prepare the veg for Xmas day then sit and watch Tv.
Christmas Day consists of waking up 2 damn early, open stocking presents, then go to the living room for more prezzies. After that my uncles usually pop around for a while, we have breakfast, kids play with new stuff, me and my mum cook dinner. We eat around 3ish, we clean. Everyone retires for an hour of so, then we play games, always play cards last. This year we will be watching gavin and Stacey after cards.
Boxing Day… we usually have a buffet with leftovers and stuff we purchase from different supermarkets. Play games, watch Tv, watch football.

Thanks all,
Some good ideas there.

Egads, I started to type up how we do Christmas and it turned into such a whine-fest that I realized I’ve become really unhappy about how things have worked out the last few years.

Maybe I should be booking tickets somewhere.

I have two grown up sons who spend either Christmas Day or Boxing Day with us. I’m especially delighted when both of my sons and their families are here together.
It's a very relaxed event focused on the children. We live by the Thames and are very likely to go for a walk unless the weather is particularly inclement.
Food is essentially a Sunday roast, we rarely have pudding. The day is filled with games for the children, after they go to bed we will chat. Our house is always filled with love and laughter at Christmas and whenever our family are together.

Our immediate family is DH and I, plus our two DDs aged 7 and 5.

My parents live 4 hours away so we always go up to visit them before Christmas and exchange presents around the 22nd.

We come home and have a chilled out Christmas Day just the four of us. I am more comfortable at home and it's less manic, plus DDs just want to play with their toys and I like the magic of Father Christmas having visited our own house rather than being away for the day. We make it a really lovely, chilled out day. Present opening in the morning and we make a traditional Christmas dinner for around 1pm. Then a walk and Christmas pudding around 4pm. Then just chilling out in front of the TV or playing games. Sometimes friends will pop round for a drink in the evening depending on what they are doing but otherwise it's just a relaxed family day.

Then between Boxing Day and New Year we do the rounds visiting DH's extended family. It is really nice, it spreads out the festivities.

I agree with PPs that you get so few Christmas Days with your children that I just like them to be relaxing and chilled with no family tensions or getting frazzled about hosting or being away from home.

Our family unit is me, DH and Mum and previously Step dad and Christmas has been very low key for years

Christmas Eve is mums birthday so I make her her favourite tea and do a cake, which then stops the need for Christmas cake as well

Christmas Day Im in the kitchen pretty early getting the turkey and gammon cooked with DH as KP, keeping on top of the dishes, peeling the veg. Mum sets the table and makes the Marie rose sauce, I listen to Junior choice and have a bottle of fizz on the go. If we are hungry Ill make a bacon butty. Then shower and change and away to the pub for an hour. Its something me and DH have always done, meet up with friends exchange a few gifts . Back home for 2pm when the oven goes on for the roasties and stuffing and we walk the dog, then home to our starter around 3pm and the Kings Speech. Then we have dinner, clear the table and then we exchange and open gifts. Wine, coffee, tea and chocolates will also be out. If there is a film on that we all want to watch we will go to mums sitting room, by which time she is flagging. Will set her up a tea plate then go walk the dog and then head to our own sitting room where we will watch whatever is the big programme ( Gavin and Stacy this year I think ) or find a wildly funny film. Ring the kids and usually its lights out around 10pm

Daughter likes to have Christmas in her home with her family. She will go to her mums in the morning, his family on Boxing Day , they live 2 hrs away so its fine by us and we get to see them the weekend before usually. Son is in Oz as is my sister and her family so we have never had issues of who goes where

We live very rural so going out for a meal isnt feasible unless we booked into one of the few hotels that open and none of us fancy that. When the time comes that there is just us two, we will go on holiday as the inlaws have started doing now they are parent free. DH's sister and BIL are hinting about going to theirs now they are parent free, but it really doesn't appeal to us, totally different lifestyles, they are lovely to visit but to stay over would be a strain

Used to spend it with mum.

Now she is dead. I'm NC with my sister for good reason. Not sure what I'm going to do now. No children.

Probably spend it in church - that is the whole point rather than food and a present fest.