I found that looking at what we do spend rather than thinking about what we should spend, was more helpful and realistic. It’s very easy (at least for me) to gaslight myself about money so the more cold, hard facts the better.
Also have a think about when and why you spend money. Companies work really hard to pressure us to spend and this ramps up exponentially at Christmas. When your good intentions fly out the window, stop and consider what’s going on in the moment.
eg I noticed last year that grocery shopping was a problem for me, because I’d see something lovely in the homewares aisle and initially I’d say “oh that’s nice, but no..not in the budget this year” but then I’d see it still sitting there, week after week and it would start to feel like each sensible “no” was a separate no, and after I’d been good so many times it was time for a treat, and then it ends up in the trolley!
And that was more likely to happen if I was stressed and unconsciously reaching for a quick dopamine hit, or when I’d just been hit by a couple of unforeseen expenses (new school shoes) that knocked my careful budgeting and had a “what will one more thing matter” moment. Or was buying fun stuff like sweets and biscuits.
It’s just a small example but when you pay attention to what’s happening when you spend foolishly, it’s much more helpful than beating yourself up for lack of willpower. Because budgeting is more about behaviour than it is about intention. I have adopted a policy of reviewing my shopping trolley and trying to put something back before I head to the checkout. That saved me loads - it also can soften a “no”, to a “maybe next week”
The worst year for me, was the one where I set a strict, unrealistic budget, I couldn’t stick to. I’ve had some really frugal years since but because I understood where the pressure points were, I could put plans in place to avoid them (eg organising lots of free and cheap activities for the dc to avoid succumbing to guilt that they were missing out)
In terms of savings, I do a mix of saving weekly (my revolut account lets me create separate funds for different things and I save for holidays and Christmas year round). In Ireland we pay a deposit on plastic bottles which is refunded when you recycle and I pop that in a little savings tin in my car.
I keep a running list of gift suggestions year round, and jot ideas for gifts when I think of them. It often allows me pick up a bargain earlier in the year. But it also means I usually have a couple of ideas so I don’t panic buy at the last minute and spend more than I’d have liked.
Budgeting time at Christmas is important too because we often end up paying more for things if we’re rushed, or stressed - extra fuel, parking costs, grabbing a takeaway all add up too. Everything takes longer in December and there’s always more to do. Anything you can do ahead of time (or not at all) helps too.