"I don't know what I want..."

[Vroomfondleswaistcoat]

Isn't this said when you very much DO know what you want, but you have been saying all year "oh, I really like that XXXX" or when you have a hobby and repeatedly say "what I could do with is a XXXX", and then two days before Christmas you get the "what do you want for Christmas?" question?
And you think "if you only listened to me when I'm speaking, rather than pretend-nod along whilst thinking about your own stuff - you'd know?"

Just some abstract musing; I've had a lovely Christmas but was thinking back to past partners, none of whom seemed to listen to anything I said, and then seemed surprised when they weren't given a list of instructions as to what to buy me? Because, given the amount I go on about things I like and need, I kind of assumed they'd know?

Well to be honest I would have thought it was just said when someone didn't know what they wanted!!

Sorry, I also think what the pp said. I would think it's what people say when they don't know what they want.

Jeez. If someone went on about things they need and want I'd find it quite tiresome tbh - and would assume they'd have bought it themselves if they wanted and needed it that badly. Where's the harm in asking someone what they want? There's also a chance that they could have bought the right thing but the slightly wrong version, which would be really annoying for both of you. I hope you have a reputation for being the most thoughtful gift-giver ever if you're so harsh on others

I've never yet had a partner who said anything other than 'I don't know what I want'. Not once. And I've been married three times. I've always managed to give them gifts that they appreciated though, by listening to what they enjoyed and what they talked about. Sometimes they would be surprised because they didn't realise that they'd even mentioned the thing that I bought them.

But it never worked in reverse. Sometimes I'd even tell them what I wanted, and yet I'd get something else that I didn't want or need.

I think it's more that some people just don't listen.

My mum used to say she didn't want anything for her bday etc but then was happy with what people gave her. My sister says exactly what she wants and is happy with it. My dh and my brothers say they don't want anything and they mean it! My brothers would put on a show of accepting a gift gratefully, but dh returns everything! He couldn't be clearer that he doesn't want anything and that's why he doesn't give out ideas for presents.

So I think it depends on the person. Everyone in my life other than my mum is quite honest about what they want.

I used to say "oh don't worry too much about buying me anything" thinking I meant it, but then was really sad the year that dh got me fuck all. He did get me something when he realised.

Better to just be honest and give some ideas of what you might like.