Page 2 | How to approach not buying presents for adult friends next year ?

Familiaritybreedscontemptso · 27/12/2023 10:35

I’ve done this with lots of people now. The way I’ve done it is to say that I’m keen to acquire less stuff so can we organise a trip / meal / seeing each other as a gift instead. This works brilliantly as we end up seeing people more and doing lovely stuff but no one is having to spend lots of money they don’t have, or feeling rejected because I’m still saying I want to spend time with them.

LaurieStrode · 27/12/2023 10:46

Sugarfree23 · 27/12/2023 09:54

Op while I think it makes lots of sense to stop it. I'm also assuming that all the friends you buy for have family who also buy for them?

I wouldn't stop someone if friends gifts are likely to be their only gifts.

Yeah, this. I have a couple of friends who wouldn't receive anything if it weren't for my gift.

LaurieStrode · 27/12/2023 10:47

49?? Who are they?

Original poster

flutterby1 · 27/12/2023 16:30

So with my thank you texts, I've just said let's agree not to buy gifts for each other next year and see each other instead, everyone seems to agree. I'm thinking it's a mutual relief, I've got my presents down to 20 ( well for next year and feeling much relief. I can prioritise my children and close family more. Phew. Should have done it years ago, next step is to cut down postage Xmas cards , I get cards from people I haven't seen in yonks or only see once a year and always do a guilt return !

OP posts:

Sugarfree23 · 27/12/2023 22:03

I bet they are relieved especially if they are doing the same.

I'd drop a reminder around Halloween time. Suggesting an evening or lunch out.

Redshoeblueshoe · 27/12/2023 22:10

I'm glad you've done it today. I start buying in the sales.

Kitkatcatflap · 27/12/2023 23:25

Well done OP. A good result

I love cross stitch, so enjoy making making my Christmas cards. I enclose letters to people I want to stay in touch with but may not see (I moved countries). I get a few cards back but about a third of what I send out. I have been getting emails/what's apps/messengers instead and having a bit of a chat and a catch up. As much as I enjoy cards, it's 'catch up' I enjoy.

Could you slice your Christmas card list like that - contact some of the people by social media to wish them a happy Christmas.

ActuallyChristmas · 27/12/2023 23:38

Carry on doing it because when your family stop - because they now only do presents for kids or are grandparents and pass away - you will be glad of friends

Resisterance · 28/12/2023 00:42

I did this last year but my friends still bought me presents so then I felt terrible as I hadn't got them anything ( as had gone back to studying as a mature student) .

That was almost more stressful than trying to cut back due to financial issues! I'd like to stop but I honestly don't know how to get others too. It's so fraught all of it.

LaurieStrode · 28/12/2023 01:54

flutterby1 · 27/12/2023 16:30

So with my thank you texts, I've just said let's agree not to buy gifts for each other next year and see each other instead, everyone seems to agree. I'm thinking it's a mutual relief, I've got my presents down to 20 ( well for next year and feeling much relief. I can prioritise my children and close family more. Phew. Should have done it years ago, next step is to cut down postage Xmas cards , I get cards from people I haven't seen in yonks or only see once a year and always do a guilt return !

I enjoy those cards the most.

Ambi · 28/12/2023 02:01

I did it this year with my friends. I asked if she'd already bought for us and if not, would they like to go for a meal instead as we don't need any gifts. She was thrilled as they are cutting back at Xmas too.

Sugarfree23 · 28/12/2023 03:01

ActuallyChristmas · 27/12/2023 23:38

Carry on doing it because when your family stop - because they now only do presents for kids or are grandparents and pass away - you will be glad of friends

49 people is an insane amount of people to give gifts to. Even buying something at a tenner each that's nearly £500.

Is Op getting £500 worth of useful stuff back? My guess is most of it will be Boots 3 for 2 gift sets.

Kokeshi123 · 28/12/2023 04:11

All you need to do is be direct and say "I'm cutting back so not buying you and dont buy for me "

Rude, seriously. Do people actually talk like this, even to friends?

"I love Christmas, but worrying about gift-giving and the cost of it all takes the shine off it, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. My proposal: How about we agree to do no presents from now on, and just get together for coffee or lunch instead? I feel like I'd rather spend my money on having great time with friends, rather than on buying and getting more stuff when most of us have too many things already."

MistletoeRegrets · 28/12/2023 06:50

I‘ve never considered buying gifts for adult friends … A few still send cards but mostly we just wish each other well - either in person or phone / online - in the run up to Christmas.

We may meet up for a carol service, etc, but generally Christmas isn’t a big factor in my interactions with friends. (I do celebrate with and buy gifts for family.)

ValkyrieAssassin · 28/12/2023 06:55

I simply have to broach this as well. Not only have my main circle gotten into the habit of buying for us all but it's all 'joke' presents. So things like plastic blowup hammers, books of rude jokes, etc I mean- what a waste of money, resources everything.

Somepeoplearesnippy · 28/12/2023 16:52

Apart from adult D.C. who got Christmas stockings with small useful things with tickets to big events as their main presents we only bought and wrapped 4 gifts this year. We received 2 each. I like it like that. I'm actively decluttering and don't want more 'stuff'.

OTOH I've had some lovely meals and drinks events with wonderful friends who are on my wavelength about spending time with one another rather than spending money on gifts and have got a couple more lined up.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 28/12/2023 16:56

49 friends is a lot to buy for!

However, I’ll still buy for close/best friends but with 2 of them I think (even though I liked what I got) I’ll suggest Amazon wish gift list or just give them suggestions.

luckylavender · 28/12/2023 17:20

tescocreditcard · 27/12/2023 09:26

After 5th November say "let's all get together for a meal this year instead of buying presents. Much nicer to see each other and have a laugh than to buy gifts"

Do it before that. Many people will have started shopping by then.

Terrribletwos · 28/12/2023 17:24

flutterby1 · 27/12/2023 16:30

So with my thank you texts, I've just said let's agree not to buy gifts for each other next year and see each other instead, everyone seems to agree. I'm thinking it's a mutual relief, I've got my presents down to 20 ( well for next year and feeling much relief. I can prioritise my children and close family more. Phew. Should have done it years ago, next step is to cut down postage Xmas cards , I get cards from people I haven't seen in yonks or only see once a year and always do a guilt return !

Good for you! I did this many years ago and now don't have anyone to buy for and nobody buys for me. It makes for a bloody, wonderful stress free Christmas....love it!!

Terrribletwos · 28/12/2023 17:28

Sorry, meant to add, before you think I am a cheapskate, I buy for my family throughout the year with holidays and meals, etc. Just hate the enforced commercialism of xmas.