Not feeling it yet - not started

[Newyearnamechangehere]

So still doing boring chores, recovering from Covid, mentally ill dc making it hard to feel cheery, forgotten to put any Christmas food out, two of the older ones at work, just feeling like what's the point. It's like window dressing - pretend to be in a Christmas film for a couple of days and then back to no mental health support, income vanishing each month on a house of six with no sign of any of them leaving, just all feels a bit stupid really. What am I celebrating?

No need to apologise on here. I feel like a terrible person for the mix of nostalgia for past Christmases and jealous of families not living under the cloud of MH.
i am trying the fake it till you make it approach. Are you able to try that, failing that I find retreating to my bedroom on my own is blissful…

so why don’t you and partner see it as your two christmas but make adult kids aware that anytime they want to dip in to festivities ie join for christmas lunch, then you’d love them there

Yes I practically live in my bedroom now. Everything is missing the person they should be and tainted by it all. I want to just not bother with it all.

how old is this one? is this the one with the MH issues?

Yes this is the one with MH issues. I don't know how to explain the incremental increase of despair as you realise nothing will ever change and your child is now like this for ever. I can't explain the radiation of depression and misery like a dust cloud that settles on everything and removes all joy.

I think today has just been:

Before - build up, films, food, present squeezing - even as they grew out of toddler hood
Now - eggshells, presents will just be chucked in to the pit, probably contaminated somehow, everything will be wrong, short tempered and snappy because of their illness, everyone else slowly becoming more fed up and snappy. Late to dinner, endless washing of hands etc etc

I sound like a cow but after a while you just lose all perspective

how old are your children OP? do any of them have partners coming over?

Just wanted to let you know OP that there may be light at the end of the tunnel. My DB has had sever MH issues for decades and was suicidal many a time. Me and DM took on the brunt of his support and it's been hell. He hit rock bottom 4 years ago, drummed up debts for drugs and pulled himself out of it. He's now thriving in life and I can't sometimes believe it. He's even gone through tough times and can pull himself up again. I hope things improve for you and you can enjoy tomorrow.

No , it's just us none of them have partners one a BF but early days and the others are in school/uni.
Sorry for being such a misery I just had this moment of what is the point in this. Nothing will change, I'm not celebrating anything, it won't be fun, the kids all have to live with this until they can escape.

Thank you Derb that's a lovely bit of light x I'm so glad for all of you that he managed.

I really do appreciate people's suggestions. It just hit me today in the whole bustle of picking up yet more crap (gravy!) that it's so pointless

how many and how old?

any of them remotely up for some christmas treats and a film?

get some christmas music on op, pour a glass of buck’s fizz for you and your partner and try to set the tone

Feeling it now I've had a load of mulled wine

roche you are right in a way I do need to think of the others and be present for them. Maybe I can go back to counselling because I need to reframe how much I resent all this.

I'm going to do I've to my mums to get out for a bit I think. No mulled wine but tea and cake.

*drive

i am guessing these are all teenagers or very early twenties.

many a teenager is hibernating tonight. I’ve had to bribe my teen with he chooses the film and get first pick every time of the chocs

They will follow your lead. probably no where near to the extent you would like, but perhaps they will dip in for lunch or for a glass of champagne and a present opening

but not if their mother is angry or moping. Sorry to be harsh but it’s trurn

but not if their mother is angry or moping. Sorry to be harsh but it’s trurn

I'm ok with harsh but true. Chatting it through on here has helped me to clarify it and also say things I can't say anywhere else. It's been really helpful having ideas and also some similar experiences shared (I hope others have found a bit of solidarity).

I'm going to go back to ask about the social prescribing again in the new year to see what they offer in terms of externalising/being me a bit more.

Thank you and I hope tomorrow is what everyone needs xx

Oh bless you @Newyearnamechangehere .FWIW you describe things really well.
I do feel for you .
Maybe you could start a thread about coping as a family with your child who is unwell ?
There might be support and suggestions ?

And , I do wonder about things like rudeness and completely selfish behaviour from those with MH issues .
I have a friend and a close relative with MH issues. One thinks she now has dementia the other is mentally unwell since an accident .
Both now display more extreme traits of selfishness and rudeness that was always present before they became unwell.
I'm not explaining it well but .. How to treat someone who is genuinely ill but won't take recommended steps (my relative refuses a lot of recommended stuff ) to help their condition.
We can't give them carte blanche to pull everyone else down , but how do we balanced our needs with their disability??
Answers on a postcard 🙂
And yes to you going back to counselling . You need all the help you can get .