I have a newborn and Christmas is chaos :( Any tips?

[VillageFete]

Hi,

Just to stay I have a much wanted and much loved baby girl via fertility treatment. She’s almost 2 week’s old.

I also have a 4 year old, whose listening skills have all but disappeared these last few weeks and is quite understandably pushing boundaries.

I LOVE Christmas. I’m a planner, prepper, love to meet up with family and friends, do festive activities etc… But this year is obviously different.

Firstly the guilt I feel on my 4 year old…. He loves being out and about in nature and is super sociable and loves being around other kids/his cousins.

His attention span isn’t marvellous. He won’t watch a full movie yet, he likes to do role play/imaginary play and I constantly have a baby glued to me so it’s difficult. I’ve tried to get him to sit with me and watch a Christmas movie but he wants to physically play with me. We have read some Christmas stories together though.

I had a C section that was complicated and unfortunately recovery has been a slog.

I’m hosting Christmas day, just my little family and my mum and sister are coming. Unfortunately they’re both nurses and working Christmas day until 2pm so won’t be able to cook, although my mum is prepping it all for me on Christmas Eve.

I just feel like the magic is missing this year. I adore my baby but i’m very teary, hormonal and sleep deprived. The night’s are brutal! I feel i’ve no energy for a glass of fizz, a Christmas movie, or anything remotely festive.

Is there anything I can do to make things feel a bit brighter? I KNOW things will be much better next Christmas, but then I have this horrible panic where I think “But anything can happen in a year. Everyone is healthy and happy now and I should be enjoying this Christmas”

Has anyone here had a December baby? I’m guessing I should just lean in to it, embrace it and go with it, but i’m in a panic as I still have presents to buy, wrap and Christmas food shopping to do!

PS, if your ds loves role play, can you watch a short nativity story and/or read a book. Then you can sit on the sofa holding the baby with a blue tea towel on your head being ever so tired because you've had to walk all the way to Bethlehem and you've just given birth and the lowing cattle have kept you awake when the baby didn't! He can be the shepherds/ wise men and bring presents to the baby Jesus!

Congratulations. My advice is to cheat, buy ready made food, spoil your 4 year old by letting them have the foods they like. For gifts Amazon is still getting things by Christmas ordered today, but remember 4 year olds like unwrapping the best so little things you can buy in large supermarkets will tick boxes too, value isn't relevant. Nobody else will mind

You don't need to cook a Christmas dinner. You really don't. Order a chinese takeaway or pizza. Your 4 yr old won't remember what they had for Christmas Dinner in 2023.
Or buy some platters of meats and cheeses. Aldi had nice ones I noticed today. It doesn't have to be a roast.

I watched a film recently where they served Thanksgiving dinner entirely on paper plates with plastic cutlery. When they were finished eating they rolled up all the dirty dishes in the paper tablecloth and threw the whole lot in the bin. Totally wasteful but also genius.

Stop ironing until the new year. Just stop. I promise no-one will notice.

You poor thing. My second was an unplanned and rather brutal vbac close to Christmas but not just 2 weeks before. Christmas always a blur of feeding a not hungry baby and trying to keep her alive so sleep was non existent. My husband and MiL just did stuff around me.

it’s Christmas Eve so I’m guessing since you haven’t been back you’ve still been trying to do it all. Or you’re now back in hospital with an infection?

No ironing or housework. Full stop.
Christmas lunch can be an evening meal. If DH gets it ready your family can shove it in the oven when they arrive and supervise /serve up. They’d probably prefer a bit of a wind down while it all cooks if they’ve just come off a busy shift. They can do baby cuddles and you can have a nap. DH can wash up, sounds like he’ll be much less stressed then and in better humour to entertain your 4 yr old.

I'm guessing in these circs you’d be doing everything to help out one of your family. ASK for help!

In my day, you would only just be coming home after a section. Be kind to yourself. Let husband and and family look after toddler and try to rest around feeding. Get a cleaner in new year if only a few one-off. Sounds like Mum is good , so let her help.

Thank you guys, it’s much appreciated.

I’ve taken the pressure off and accepted that it’s one year of a “different Christmas”

I’ve been grabbing a couple of hour’s sleep per day and leaving DP with the kids, that’s made a world of difference. My mum is coming up today to prep dinner and we’re meeting friends and their kids in the local pub for an hour whilst mum watched baby. My 4 year old is so excited to see his friends and track Santa with them. I think it’ll do me good too.

My sister and cousin came and wrapped presents for me last night. I’ve taken your advice and asked for help and feel very lucky that I have a family who will step in around work commitments.

Thank you so much for talking sense in to me!

We had an Xmas like that a few years ago, my eldest was 17m, I had a new born with horrific reflux and was recovering from an awful botched c-sec and was in a lot of pain. To add to it my husband was assaulted by a random stranger on his work Xmas do and had two huge black eyes which made my son cry when he saw him the next day as he didn’t recognise him. We therefore had the police round taking statments and pictures a lot too. We had the in-laws round for Xmas day and my DH cooked luckily but I think I spent most of it in tears, just write it off as one to forget. They’ll be plenty more you can enjoy I’m sure, be kind to yourself always… xx 🎄

My baby is almost 4 weeks old and I have a toddler too. I'm not stressing about Christmas Day, we're having a fairly quiet one at home although my parents are going to come for dinner but my husband will do all the cooking and baking.

Normally we'd have a big family Christmas that involves hitting up a few different houses but I'm worried about all the respiratory illnesses this year while baby is so young. Also it's just a bit awkward visiting while he's feeding so often, I'd rather be on my own comfy couch!

We got all Santa's presents wrapped yesterday which feels like a big job out of the way. I think a relaxed Christmas for the first year as a family of four is lovely! There will still be presents, Christmas music, yummy food and lots of love even if we're a little sleep deprived!

I’m just going to say hang in there. I have a 12 week old and a 3 year old and the first few weeks are tough, your toddler will push boundaries and it’s difficult to keep your patients because your sleep deprived but don’t be hard on yourself. I was feeling awful because my toddler was only wanting dad for a bit there but now that I’m into the swing of things I’m able to try and divide my time and things are better. Don’t get me wrong there are still tough times but it is better. People probably won’t agree but I was pretty consistent with the naughty step whenever my toddler was being a pest (hitting throwing toys, trying to hurt his brother) and now his behaviour is so much better, he’s very loving towards me and his little brother and I’m not constantly feeling guilty anymore. Congratulations, be kind to yourself, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel your in just now ❤️ and don’t be afraid to get your toddler into trouble if they are being naughty, you need to be consistent with them.