11 yr old DD tearful re- santa and not excited for Christmas - tips

[Radyward]

Poor DS age 11 obvs is v v v doubtful about Santa. He is a young 11 yr old
Always asked Santa every yr for a teddy. We went to see santa at creche this pm and he hated it just did it for me for the photo. He cried on way home as got a lovely Roblox annual but doesnt play Roblox anymore. Honestly the upset wasnt brattiness but sadness over knowing santa isint real - it was nothing to do with the gift - if ye get me!! I mean the spark has gone. A friend of mines child never believed and thats nearly better for them in comparison to the feeling of being had or gutted it was all made up
How do i handle this !
I told him that st nicholas was real and the joy of christmas is giving to.loved ones and baby jesus was born etc etc etc. I want to help him love this christmas. Its so gutting for them in a way its not right the disapppintment when they ' find out '.
Domt know what to do -aw

I have a 12yo and we told her the magic is all of us continue to do it. Basically like another poster says, you become an elf to spread the christmas spirit. It's incredible if you think of it how many people are in with this. Point to him all the things like Royal Mail responding to children's letters, countdown on Alexa, NASA Santa tracker. Surely there is magic in it, and it's created by humans.

We go light up trails, Christmas markets and ice skating. We also go to different towns around ours for the markets, lights and ice skating. It's actually a lot of fun and better than Santa grotto for us parents I found.

I'm surprised he believes at 11, mine all stopped by 8/9. It doesn't have to be traumatic. I tell mine once you stop believing, you become a Santa and your job is to keep the magic alive for the little ones who still believe. I take them out to buy some gifts and the get to wrap them and sneak them downstairs to put under the tree. My 2 have not disclosed it to their little sister and encourage her to believe. I quite enjoy having non believers because it stops all the pressure of expensive gifts 'not a chance mate, its £800. Try again' 🤣

i also think they should be told that Santa isn’t real before starting senior s hook, and I think all kids have a year or two when they don’t get into the Christmassy mood.

Can you do some festive stuff? Go to a coffee shop and have a festive hot chocolate. Go for a walk around your local area to see any nice light displays on houses. Garden centres often have nice Christmas displays as well.

It’s perfectly possible to have a great Christmas after Santa. Mine stopped believing by 6 but enjoyed spreading the Christmas joy rather than just receiving it.
For example, next year look out for the Dunelm Christmas appeal. The wishlists will make you cry 😭 For example “I would like some clean underwear for school please” or “I would like scrunchies and hair bobbles in royal blue to match my school uniform”

Do you know anyone with much younger kids? My neighbours kids loves having some Christmas surprises appear on their doorstep like reindeer food.

Sometimes I wonder if we take the whole Santa fairy tale and Christmas 'magic' too far. Then when the truth inevitably emerges, we are surprised when the DC are sad 🤷‍♀️

Op sounds like your listening to him.

Can I suggest you call it After-school rather crèche, crèche makes it sound like it's for baby's and toddlers.

At 11 my oldest wasn't even keen on going to afterschool but I wasn't keen on him being home alone in the holidays so kept his place as long as possible.

I have one firmly still in the Santa stage and one firmly not. Big one plays along but this year wasn't even keen to do that.

I remember feeling really sad when I learnt the truth. My dad explained that whilst Santa wasn't real as in an actual person, he was very real in the sense of the magic so many people help to create. He helped me see that millions going along with the story for the enjoyment of small children was amazing in itself, and tried to get me to understand that it was now my job to take up the challenge of keeping the magic real for smaller cousins etc.

I hear you OP! My youngest is 11, it’s such a hard age for parents! So much is changing & there’s so much going on, and it’s the first year there’s not been a lot of excitement about Christmas. I’ve definitely been grieving the transition away from the small excitable child she was. She is absolutely exhausted after her first term at senior school, and all her friends and classmates believe different things. Her best friend at school is from another country where the Christmas traditions are different, so we talked about how we could do things differently. This year we’ve had to cut back on presents and so Santa is just doing stockings, although we’ve gradually lessened the things from Santa over the last couple of years. I really recommend the book Between by Sarah Ockwell Smith for you to help get you through the tween years x

First year here with two non believers but they will still put their sacks out and a mince pie for santa. They will also know how hard I worked to get them the things they want. We will watch Xmas films in our PJs and might get time to bake. Make the magic happen in other ways ✨️

i suppose part of me is sad he is older now

When kids to the 11/12/13 stage, they often subconsciously pick up on the fact that their parents are sad they're getting older. They become very aware that their mum is a bit sad that they no longer believe in Santa or play with teddies, and it makes them feel a bit guilty for growing up. There was a thread on here recently from someone who was sad that her 13 year old was a bit stroppy with his little sister when she was all excited and cute about decorating the tree when he wasn't feeling the same excitement, and it seemed to me like he just felt like growing up and being a bit less caught up in the 'magic' meant he felt like he was disappointing his mum, and that made me feel insecure and tearful. I think lots of kids feel this at that age (not just at Christmas) even though they might actually not be able to make sense of it and articulate it.

I suspect that maybe this is part of what your son's going through at the moment.

I also think that parents make WAY too much of children believing in Santa and think it's far more important than it actually is. I don't ever remember believing Santa was actually real. I loved the idea and playing along with it and totally felt all the same excitement and magic, but I also didn't for one second think it was actually real. I still loved Christmas and found it all magical! I've got so many happy memories of childhood Christmases. I think an awful lot of kids whose parents think they believe in Santa are just playing along and engaging with it for fun, to be honest.

I don't ever remember believing Santa was actually real.

Same, @ManateeFair , I'm always astounded at how many people say their kids believe to the extent they have to be told and then get really upset. Kids aren't stupid, and it's just not a plausible story!

I know this is unconventional but this is how it is in our house too. But that's how it was for me and my siblings as a child too. We all loved Christmas and the festive magic but none of us ever believed in a mystical Santa figure delivering presents, it was just a game. DD is 5 and feels the same. My only concern is her talking about it at school and upsetting anyone else so I try to reinforce 'some people believe...' the way we do about other religious or cultural beliefs and encourage her to be respectful in the same way.