Adult children

[Fandangoes]

Youngest child is now 22 and lives with partner. I'm struggling to make my mind up what is a reasonable amount to spend on Christmas presents for adult children. I feel it is time to start cutting back now, then another voice in my head says I am being mean! Do other people spend less when children become adults?

Well, I'm 50 with an 18 year and me and mum go stockings for each other still. I will do my ds a stocking prob forever. Does there have to be a cut off point?

DS is 20 and at uni, we tend not to buy for the sake of buying, and don’t really have a set amount we spend.

Last year he needed a new laptop so we spent 2k on one, all bells and whistles, that should last him a good few years.

This year we’ve spent £120 on him and he doesn’t have a ‘main’ present.

Tbh your question seems the wrong way round! Speaking as the possessor of young adults I’m exceptionally fond of - I simply think about what they need / want and what I’d like to give them. Then I buy what I can afford that is roughly in line with the amounts I spend on other close members of the family. Usually one main thing and a few smaller for their stockings.

(Admittedly they don’t have settled partners yet, so I haven’t had to adjust to that complication.)

I don’t have any feeling of wanting to reduce the value of their gifts because they’ve reached an arbitrary age - but it’s possible things might evolve according to how involved we are in each others’ lives going forward.

I guess it depends on how you view Christmas?

The actor Jamie Dornan probably isn’t the only person who thinks adults exchanging gifts with other adults is ‘stupid’. And a million posters on MN declare every year that they can buy everything they want for themselves, so don’t need presents.

For me that’s slightly missing the point. I’m not at all religious but I really appreciate this pagan festival in the middle of Winter. Concentrating on Christmas festivities - events and feasting and gathering and giving presents - gets us through the long dark days. I know gifting is mostly clicking buy now on Amazon these days - but it’s still slightly lovely to wrap a gift for someone you care about, regardless of how old they are and whether or not they can buy their own socks.

Mine get the same amount no matter how old they are. That will never change.

Mine are 25 and 27.
Both still get a huge pile each because well, it's what we like to do!

I don't ever intend to stop much to my husbands dismay

Mine are 29,26,22
I save during the year as I'm on disability benefits
I spend around £200 each Mostly a mix of trainers, fragrance clothing or whatever they wish to that amount
That won't change. I enjoy treating them and they are all very appreciative
They get no presents from anyone else

As an adult WITHOUT kids, from my mum I would get spent on me around £50 so a new pair of trainers or an outfit. But as I got older it just was cash. Mt dad has always done cash

As an adult WITH kids my mum only gets me small bath set or box of chocs, dad still gives more money but he's in a better financial position

I'm 39

We did originally think we would cut down on presents after our dc reached 18, but then realised - why should we? We give our kids presents because we like giving them presents, not because they are a certain age.

Yes, adults are tricky to buy for, because after a certain point they buy for themselves. So we all post wishlists on our family WhatsApp group, and it's up to everyone to choose whether to buy from that last or to buy something they fancy giving.

This year we knew our eldest wanted a good woollen coat, so we said we'd get him that without him asking. He has also posted a wishlist - but it's all small things, so he's clearly taken our offer into account, and put up little things for his siblings to buy him.

Sometimes items are very specific, eg if there's a particular widget one of our tech-heads wants. Sometimes they're not, eg dd wants a laptop case, so dh and I had fun creating a custom one with images of her pet.

TLDR: spend what is comfortable for us, gives them things they need or will enjoy, and gives us pleasure. Ages do not come into it.

We’ve never had a set budget even when they were kids and we don’t price match as one of ours really dislikes just having ‘stuff ‘ and the other has expensive tastes . This year we have spent about £400 on one and £150 on the other . I don’t spend less because they are adults .

DS 27 living at home still - it depends on need.
Last year he needed a new phone so we bought an unlocked one fir around £300. Year before he had a Smart TV for his bedroom (which he can take with him when he moves out.) Year before he needed a new laptop for Uni so we bought one £500. This year he doesn't need anything and can't think of anything he wants so he's getting a good bottle of whisky, a posh toiletry bag and some books. Probably still comes to £130.
Hopefully in the next couple of years he'll be able to buy a flat/house and we'll no doubt buy furniture and/or white goods.

We can afford it. He's an only now. We don't have many others to buy for either as we've stopped doing our siblings and niblings.

I don’t disagree with most of these posts. I think what has changed is a couple of our adult children have now got serious partners and I don’t feel I can afford to buy them the same amount as we’ve been buying our ‘kids’ but then that seems unfair? So it got me thinking maybe we should be scaling it back now anyway?

Joint present maybe? Day out or something for the Home that they can't afford to get as a treat for themselves? I remember my parents getting me and my partner a tumble drier when I first moved out. We couldn't have afforded one and snapped their hands off when they offered.

My parents do this by getting us a few little bits and pieces because they like to, and giving us money jointly.
When I was a child/young person money was very tight and they couldn't help financially at all. Now they are in a better position so like to. These days it goes in a holiday savings account, years past it went on things we needed for the house and couldn't afford.

It depends what u can afford and want to gift. Every family is different. We are big on Christmas.

At that age I had just bought my first house and didn't have lots of spare cash. My parents have always been generous and wld give me £500 plus some gifts and £100 supermarket gift voucher.

They worked low paid jobs but have always loved to spoil me and my sister at Christmas time. They saved up all year for it. It was much appreciated and I kept telling them not to give me so much especially the supermarket voucher as I didn't even host Christmas.

I don't get as much now as they are retired but they now enjoy buying lots for the grandkids.

We tend to give about £100 worth of gifts to our dds and this amount includes a gift for their partner

Young adults generally get things they actually need in my family. Especially if they are setting up their own home....

I remember being handed an absolutely enormous (and heavy) present one year when I had recently bought my own home.... Was a computer desk from ikea which was exactly what I actually needed at the time (and was about £80 iirc)

Stacks of bath towels (and matching mats)
Kitchenware
Useful homeware

All appropriate gifts for somone in that stage of life