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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

What age to stop buying for DNs?

21 replies

ThePlantKiller · 15/12/2023 16:45

DNephew will be 20 just after Xmas, he still lives at home with DB. Works full time (has more disposable income than DB!). What age do others stop buying for relatives when they're no longer children?

Part of me feels reluctant to keep giving tbh, DN isn't the nicest of people and has given my DB many years of stress and difficulties. Last year he ruined Xmas for DB and I was tempted to give him nothing as I was so angry, but gave in as I was worried DN would take it out on DB.

Are his age and circumstances enough to give me an 'out', or am I being a grinch? He's my only nephew and no nieces either.

OP posts:

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 15/12/2023 16:48

My rule of thumb for a child, is when they stop saying thank you, start work, or reach 18 - whichever one comes first.

missnevermind · 15/12/2023 16:55

Token gifts only once they start work. A mug and socks or a Lynx set. Or a fun joke present.

Blanketpolicy · 15/12/2023 17:04

It is awkward isn't it. My SIL made it easy for us by announcing one year she stopped giving at 18 in her family. Her kids were 18 first so it made it very easy with no awkwardness.

If you have bought for this year hand over and make a comment that you stop at 20 for Christmas presents (or perhaps ask DN if he wants to continue with reciprocal presents now he is an adult and sent a £10-£15 budget).

MilkChocolateCookie · 15/12/2023 17:06

I gave my niece a big present for her 18th and then stopped.

Matildahoney · 15/12/2023 17:11

I'm 41 and my aunt still buys for me, but we're very close, so probably the exception rather than the rule!

Cornwallsummer · 15/12/2023 17:32

18 in my family, dsis and I decided when they hit teens thats what we would do

Leeds2 · 15/12/2023 18:04

I stopped buying for nephews and nieces on both sides of the family when they were 18, although did buy for 21sts. I now buy for the children of the nephew and niece on my side. Separated from ex, and I believe his sibling has started buying for our DC again!

Terrrence · 15/12/2023 18:11

I will always give my DNs as they will always be my DNs. I don't stop giving other family members because they are over 18. Are you planning on giving everyone else a present and then saying you don't have one for him as he is over 18? Are the other people you are giving presents to not also adults? If you don't want to give him a gift because you don't like him could you not just give him chocolates or a bottle of wine?

Letterbix · 15/12/2023 18:17

Terrrence · 15/12/2023 18:11

We have this situation in my family at the moment. My sister has said she won't buy for my eldest now she is 18, but has bought a gift for the other two. She has also bought for me and my DH. So on Xmas Day when handing out presents we will all get something from Auntie Sal except for my eldest daughter. It feels horrible to be honest! I'd rather she just didn't buy for any of us. (Which is what I will tell her next year)

We still buy for DHs two nephews and they are in their 20s.

HiGunny · 15/12/2023 18:26

It's a bloody minefield. Last year we left out two DN in one family as they are now mid 20s and we weren't even going to see them over Christmas. We got their parents (who we do see) a bigger present instead. After the parents left our house Christmas day DH got a call from them wondering if they had left a bag of presents behind as they couldn't find any for DNs....cue a very awkward conversation 🙄

I wouldn't mind but I have no doubt the same family will cut my kids at 18 (or sooner!)

bunniesandguineapigs · 15/12/2023 18:29

I stopped in early teens, when they were old enough to send me a thank you text / fb message themselves, but didn't. DB would message about a week after Christmas saying 'thanks for the kids' presents / money' as an afterthought, and after one year where it went completely unacknowledged by both him amd the DNs I just stopped (not even a card comes in this direction).

supermamio · 15/12/2023 18:37

I think it depends on family dynamics and size. My Christmas day afternoon is spent, with my parents, sister, brother, niece and nephew. No way am I going to stop buying for my niece because shes 18 but continue buying for my brother who is 25. My niece will always be my niece and i will continue to buy her gifts as long as shes in my life and same for my nephew.

My mother and her siblings stopped buying for each other long ago and decided when nieces nephews turned 18 they would stop. Which has worked well as there is 15 nieces and nephews, so very costly.

Do you have children for the conversation to be had with your db about his wishes when they reach that age.

mamaduckbone · 15/12/2023 21:18

We have a rule in the family that presents for nieces and nephews stop at 18. There are 11 cousins in total so it would have been ridiculous to carry on. Ds was 18 earlier this year so will be on the receiving end of this for the first time this year, which will be tricky when ds2 still gets them!

mamaduckbone · 15/12/2023 21:20

We don't buy for any adults though apart from our parents - it would be weird if we got presents and ds didn't.

Snippit · 15/12/2023 22:15

No presents after their 18th Birthday at ours.

OMGitsnotgood · 16/12/2023 11:24

We stopped at 21, when they finished university and made those who didn't go to university the same. We gave them money for their 21sts (more than we'd normally have given them for birthdays/Christmas) and stopped all presents after that.

Ihateslugs · 16/12/2023 11:56

I don’t plan to stop buying presents for my nieces and nephews, I am very close with my siblings and always see them several times over Christmas so buy presents for them as well. I also include my brothers step children ( he has not got children of his own) and now for his step daughters baby.

However, money is not really a problem for me and I always spend more on my gifts than my siblings spend on me but I am retired and live alone so it’s my choice what I do with my money! When money was tight, I was only able to buy small presents but I enjoyed putting a lot of thought into buying something appropriate but cheap! At that time my siblings were better off than us, being child free themselves, so I guess spent more on us but no comparisons are ever made, we just enjoy being together and swapping gifts.

Each to their own.

Softwintersun · 16/12/2023 12:00

We stop at 18 but money on their 21st.

Motheranddaughter · 16/12/2023 12:15

My DNs are in their 20s and I still buy for them

Hbh17 · 16/12/2023 12:31

18 if working, or when they finish education (usually 21).

EarthyMangold · 16/12/2023 12:46

Everyone buy presents for under 16s. Adults do Secret Santa, budget of £50, so we all only buy for children and 1 adult, and all the adults get 1 present - and we usually share ideas if someone is stuck, to try to make sure it's something they'll like. Much cheaper for everyone, and nobody ends up with a pile of crap to get rid of.

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