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Christmas

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Original poster

If you are a woman between 50-60 please give me feedback on these gifts!

727 replies

GotMooMilk · 13/12/2023 15:15

MIL is the HARDEST person ever to buy for. She doesn't really have any hobbies, doesn't like food presents (have given her a hamper of home made food and drink last year and no one has looked less impressed at anything...!) and has an incredibly minimalist house so doesn't like home gifts. She doesn't like going places she hasn't been so a restaurant/theatre voucher wouldn't be used.
Every Christmas or birthday she kills me! Anyway I have got her:

  • Fluffy slippers
  • Gel eye mask that can be kept in fridge or warmed
  • Small box of chocolates
  • Make up bag
Does this sound ok?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 15/12/2023 07:36

@GotMooMilk its lovely that you are so kind trying to find the impossible gift… however your DH is unwell and your MIL instead of making it easier by offering a suggestion or receiving a gift graciously isn’t exactly playing ball.

What you have is more than generous, I’m sure you have better things to be doing (like a moment for yourself) than running around changing gifts for someone who will not appreciate the effort regardless.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Singlespies · 15/12/2023 08:06

I would like the chocolates.

I am at the younger end of that age group and would like

  1. a really good bike lock
  2. a trail camera
  3. a backpack style cello case.

I think, though, everyone has different tastes and desires.

JFDIYOLO · 15/12/2023 08:10

I'm 60. I recently bought / wanted to buy perfume scent libraries / discovery sets, Liz Earle skincare, velvet throw for sofa, fluffy slippers, hair clip, bulbs, flowers and gin.

I think your best option is an M&S voucher - she can spend it on pants if she needs them (I also won one of those recently and was very pleased and got rum, chocolates, balsamic vinegar and posh pickle.)

Coffeeismyfriend1 · 15/12/2023 08:10

Sounds like my FiL, MiL gets annoyed when we don’t buy him ‘thoughtful’ gifts but honestly we have no idea what to buy him most years. She told us several years ago not to buy him anything to do with his football team (literally his only interest), chocolate, toffees etc.

Thought we were into a winner this year as he said he wanted a record player from her so we were gong to get him some vinyl. Nope he’s changed his mind 🤦🏼‍♀️

Her ‘thoughtful’ gifts to us are always a jumper for DH (he doesn’t wear jumpers and never has!), pjs for me (always ones I can’t wear as she buys one that are skin tight on the legs and they affect my circulation) so her ‘we put thought
into your gifts’ statement always makes us laugh! DH and I both have actual hobbies that are easy to buy for (which is what my mum does) and Amazon wish lists with stuff on there related to our hobbies.

It’s so hard to buy for some people yet they always seem to be the ones who get the jump when you buy generic stuff.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 15/12/2023 09:06

BombaySamphire · 14/12/2023 17:36

Why would people be upset at getting a present they didn’t care for?
Don’t be so fecking grabby.

I wouldn’t be upset at the present itself, I’d be mildly irritated that the giver had wasted their money on something pointless. I only get presents from family so I’d also be slightly upset they didn’t actually know me or care enough to give me something I’d like. I’d genuinely rather have nothing and save the buyer’s time and money.

MerryChristmasToYou · 15/12/2023 09:10

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 15/12/2023 09:06

I wouldn’t be upset at the present itself, I’d be mildly irritated that the giver had wasted their money on something pointless. I only get presents from family so I’d also be slightly upset they didn’t actually know me or care enough to give me something I’d like. I’d genuinely rather have nothing and save the buyer’s time and money.

Show quote history

Me too.

CurlewKate · 15/12/2023 09:18

I am baffled by the idea of being upset by a present. I would probably be amused if my DoutL gave me fluffy slippers, imagining the poor thing frantically scurrying round on Christmas Eve, but I wouldn't be upset. I do find the idea of people planning in advance thinking "oh, she's over 50-let's give her a Big Slipper. She's obviously never going to move again" enraging, though.

JaninaDuszejko · 15/12/2023 09:35

BombaySamphire · 14/12/2023 17:36

Why would people be upset at getting a present they didn’t care for?
Don’t be so fecking grabby.

It's not grabby, it's just sad when the people you love don't know you well enough to get you something you'll love. It's why gifts matter. A perfect gift (of whatever cost) makes you feel seen. But perfect gifts are the slightly strange gifts that other people don't understand, so e.g. one of the best gifts DH ever gave me was a left handed breadknife. Most people wouldn't even be able to use it but for me it was perfect. This is what the OP is trying to achieve but I think that it's very hard to do that unless you know the person really well. So either ask (which the OP has tried to do) or go generic and consumable.

IcakethereforeIam · 15/12/2023 09:37

Does she have a garden? How about a nice bird feeder or birdbath? Then at least something will get some benefit from it.

MaturingCheeseball · 15/12/2023 10:30

But sometimes you know people too well, and therefore know they don’t like anything!

If you know a person only slightly, eg your child’s teacher, then you are more likely to get it wrong with an unwelcome candle/toiletries/chocolates.

I still think some posters sound rather entitled. So what if you have another make-up bag ? People wanting spa days and country house hotel breaks and sneering at Baylis & Harding - you don’t sound oh so sophisticated to me! (I am on a crusade to rehabilitate B&H - I bet people would never know the difference between it and something “naicer” in a blind testing).

And those saying “I’m so funky, me” - you still sound ageist - as if being 50+ is something that you must pretend isn’t happening to you as it’s so terrible.

CurlewKate · 15/12/2023 11:11

"And those saying “I’m so funky, me” - you still sound ageist - as if being 50+ is something that you must pretend isn’t happening to you as it’s so terrible."

I don't think being 50+ is terrible. I just don't think it means it makes me significantly different to how I was at 30. Or a sudden lover of lavender water.

HardcoreLadyType · 15/12/2023 11:14

And those saying “I’m so funky, me” - you still sound ageist - as if being 50+ is something that you must pretend isn’t happening to you as it’s so terrible.

Sorry, it’s ageist to point out that women in their 50s are not too old for gigs, sports, etc?

I’m not really following your logic here. 🫤

SirChenjins · 15/12/2023 11:23

MaturingCheeseball · 15/12/2023 10:30

But sometimes you know people too well, and therefore know they don’t like anything!

If you know a person only slightly, eg your child’s teacher, then you are more likely to get it wrong with an unwelcome candle/toiletries/chocolates.

I still think some posters sound rather entitled. So what if you have another make-up bag ? People wanting spa days and country house hotel breaks and sneering at Baylis & Harding - you don’t sound oh so sophisticated to me! (I am on a crusade to rehabilitate B&H - I bet people would never know the difference between it and something “naicer” in a blind testing).

And those saying “I’m so funky, me” - you still sound ageist - as if being 50+ is something that you must pretend isn’t happening to you as it’s so terrible.

Bring 50+ isn’t terrible - what an odd thing to say. It’s just not an inevitable decline into fluffy slippers - we’re still working full time, raising school aged children, going out with our larger bank balances to enjoy the things we’ve always enjoyed doing. Nothing ageist about it.

sashh · 15/12/2023 11:28

BombaySamphire · 14/12/2023 17:36

Why would people be upset at getting a present they didn’t care for?
Don’t be so fecking grabby.

I've cried over presents.

I used to love doing arts and crafts but I have arthritis so can't do that now, I struggle to do a lot with my hands I use voice control on my computer.

So receiving a colouring book or fino just felt mean.

I can't hold books well so I use a kindle, the person who sent me craft things has also sent me books, that I return to Amazon and rebuy for my kindle.

This person also bought me a musical instrument.

I developed diabetes last year, the same person who got the other gifts sent me £45 worth of chocolates.

Honestly I would prefer nothing.

DuesToTheDirt · 15/12/2023 12:08

BombaySamphire · 14/12/2023 17:36

Why would people be upset at getting a present they didn’t care for?
Don’t be so fecking grabby.

If I get presents I don't care for, I'm not upset per se, but it stresses me as I think of the waste of money, and the state of the planet under the weight of rampant consumerism.

I'm not grabby, I'd rather have nothing, or a token box of chocolates, than a pointless gift that's heading straight for the charity shop.

DrivingonIce · 15/12/2023 12:27

sashh · 15/12/2023 11:28

I've cried over presents.

I used to love doing arts and crafts but I have arthritis so can't do that now, I struggle to do a lot with my hands I use voice control on my computer.

So receiving a colouring book or fino just felt mean.

I can't hold books well so I use a kindle, the person who sent me craft things has also sent me books, that I return to Amazon and rebuy for my kindle.

This person also bought me a musical instrument.

I developed diabetes last year, the same person who got the other gifts sent me £45 worth of chocolates.

Honestly I would prefer nothing.

Show quote history

I can absolutely understand that, Sashh. I have eyesight problems and can no longer draw from life because of the distortion. Art presents are bittersweet.

Circularargument · 15/12/2023 12:27

HardcoreLadyType · 15/12/2023 11:14

And those saying “I’m so funky, me” - you still sound ageist - as if being 50+ is something that you must pretend isn’t happening to you as it’s so terrible.

Sorry, it’s ageist to point out that women in their 50s are not too old for gigs, sports, etc?

I’m not really following your logic here. 🫤

That's 'cos there isn't one. Poster you replied to is projecting her own insecurities about age.

ChlorrOfTheMask · 15/12/2023 14:49

Pluvia · 14/12/2023 17:11

I think there are a growing number of people who don't eat home-made food gifts. They will say they don't know the full ingredients and that they don't know how hygienic the maker's kitchen is. I know someone who makes her own jam and chutney etc and gives it away as gifts, but won't use anyone else's because according to her you never know when you're going to find a hair in it, and you don't know if the jars have been sterilised properly. One of my neighbours is OCD about cleaning. Her plastics recycling is always full of bleach bottles, Dettol sprays and whatnot. Last Christmas she made home-made truffles as little gifts for us and others. Most of the others binned theirs on the basis that a) they wouldn't eat anything made in a kitchen they hadn't checked for cleanliness of b) that the truffles might be contaminated with bleach. Many people would prefer M&S or Fortnums.

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Oh wow. I'm in a community where it's common for people to cook and bake for neighbours, there's always donations of home baking at events and so on. Homemade things are generally appreciated because of the effort put in vs buying something. I'm not a good cook or baker myself and struggle to keep up with my basic day to day responsibilities, so would never manage to put together something like the OP's hamper. I admire that she achieved it and I see it as a hugely kind, thoughtful act of service that shows she cares a great deal. When you read ideas for sustainable, anti consumerism type gifts homemade food treats are usually a suggestion on there.

MerryChristmasToYou · 15/12/2023 15:10

I've been given things like home-made jam, marmalade, chutneys and cakes. I give them away. It's well-meant but it's not something I want.

Yummers8 · 15/12/2023 16:38

Have you thought of just asking her what she wants?

CurlewKate · 15/12/2023 16:50

The not eating things made by other people thing is just clearly bonkers. And annoying.

BackAgain2023 · 15/12/2023 16:51

"i have also asked her x 10 for ideas and she just says ‘I’ll have a think’ so it’s not through want of trying!"

^ one of the ops posts

Beachhutgirl · 15/12/2023 17:20

What about a cardigan, perhaps an open front one so sizing is not critical.

Maybe that would not work for your MIL, but I'm a size 24+ and I love getting clothes, I find people mostly don't buy them as they are worried about sizes

Katerino4077 · 15/12/2023 18:07

If she likes instant coffee, Whittards do a gift box with a selection of different speciality coffees (sure other places do as well).

MerryChristmasToYou · 15/12/2023 18:32

@CurlewKate , Not if they are things you don't like. I don't like chutney. Jam and marmalade can be quite nice but a jar would go off before I'd eaten it. Not much of a cake eater. I couldn't even drop it off at the food bank.