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Christmas

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AIBU to not want to invite estranged sister to christmas dinner

11 replies

Lotus125 · 11/12/2023 11:51

For context, my older sister stopped talking to myself and my mum 5 years ago after a big family bust up and emotions ran high. Fast forward to Nov 2023 and we meet again at a funeral and all start talking again as if nothing has happened. Also for context, last christmas, my mum was in hospital, had surgery on xmas day and spent time in intensive care. It was a worrying time for me and my dad who were the only ones at her bedside everyday and shared a sandwich on xmas day - no one in the rest of the family came to see my mum as apparently we live too far away apart from my younger sister who had a newborn at this point. no one invited me and dad round for xmas either. FYI - estranged sister sent a text to mum hoping she felt better which was more than a lot of folks in my family did. Now this xmas, i really wanted to make up for us having a rubbish xmas last year, my mum is better and i have my6 yo son for xmas this year too. I plan to host for parents, younger sister, her DP and two little ones. My mum asked me to invite a cousin, his DP and 18yo old son over for xmas which I agreed too. Now she wants me to also invite estranged older sister, her partner and her 22 year old son too. So i have gone from having 3 extra adults to 6 to cook for, im bitter from last year and keep harping on about 'where was everyone in our time of need' and i have my son too so dont want to spend the whole day in the kitchen as is the usual for me as everyone before last year expects me to cook. After what happened last xmas I am kind of done being the yes person. I have suggested to my mum that she host my sister at hers and we can see her on boxing day but she thinks im being unreasonable and tearing everyone apart. Advice pls!

OP posts:
ThePlantKiller · 11/12/2023 12:46

If your mum was so concerned about her "torn apart family" then why didn't she make contact with your sister before now? Talk about a guilt trip!

Sparkletastic · 11/12/2023 13:06

Either your mum hosts sister or every adult guest brings a component of the meal as you can't afford to host all those extras.

KatBurglar · 11/12/2023 14:19

Just say that's too many for your house and you would prefer to stick to the original plan. Even pushing for the cousin, partner and 18yo was prety inconsiderate of your Mum.

You planned to host a total of 9 people, your DM upped it to 12 and now wants to make it 15?? Even without the backstory of estrangement, it's in NO WAY reasonable.

Pinkdelight3 · 11/12/2023 14:23

Your mum is BU. Perhaps this is a pattern, hence why lots of your family weren't there in her hour of need. She's taking the piss pushing for you to host so many people regardless of who they are and the backstory. She needs to host them herself, even if it's on boxing day or Christmas eve. It's not on you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/12/2023 14:27

She’s being ridiculous. Stick to your suggestion that if she wants to play host she actually hosts - with all that entails - and you’ll see her on Boxing Day. Don’t host your sister, revisit how you feel about the cousin and co. I think I’d probably uninvite the lot of them and put all of your focus on your son.

FortofPud · 11/12/2023 14:31

As you say, you have your son so don't fancy spending the day in the kitchen not seeing him - there's your reason.

Two options 1) you say every family coming either coordinates to bring a diffent side and a dessert (and you'll sort turkey, spuds and gravy but nothing else) or makes other plans. And make it an early christmas meal so the kitchen time doenst drag on, or

  1. You just say due to having son you'll stick to a small Christmas day and see everyone on other days, then stick to your guns.
Justmuddlingalong · 11/12/2023 14:36

Your DM seems very keen on bumping up the numbers for you to cater for. Do what suits you and your DS. And if that involves bailing out from hosting, everyone's got 2 whole weeks notice.

Startyabastard · 11/12/2023 14:46

Can someone help you make the meal? I mean properly help.

Lotus125 · 11/12/2023 21:05

Omg thank you for all your replies!! It’s nice to know I’m not going insane! Ok so how we’ve left it is I’ll invite the extra lot and my parents will buy and cook Turkey and gammon at theirs and bring it with them. I’ll do the rest so potatoes/veg etx and I don’t touch any cleaning/washing up. Also, early lunch is a great idea! I’ll do that. I’m still kinda resentful because of the position DM put me in. This is v much her style and takes the P with me a lot! Hence me ‘trying’ to put my foot down :(

OP posts:
Messyhair321 · 11/12/2023 22:12

Coming from a family where no-one talks to anyone I'd absolutely love to host everyone or be invited to a family get together. I'd say yes because I'd actually want to build bridges. I understand though every situation is different

Lotus125 · 12/12/2023 07:09

i understand your pov. I have already hosted older sister over at mine for my sons family get together recently. I’d say it’s more about feeling like it all gets put on me and I don’t want to spend the whole day on the kitchen when I have my son this xmas. I’ve said yes to DM before when she kept wanting to invite more and more people for xmas and I ended up cooking for 24 people…my xmas lunch was whatever was left over

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