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Original poster

Waiting to see if Dh mentions doing a Xmas food shop this year

9 replies

DyslexicPoster · 08/12/2023 23:39

I normally order the shopping online every week. I know what I want to eat at Christmas and what the kids would like.

Last year dh didn't contribute anything at all though wise to the Xmas food.

I didn't buy lots of things that only he eats and never finishes off. Like cheese and a entire family tub of crackers that doesn't eve get half eaten.

I'm planning to do the same this year as it was so much easier and he didn't seem to notice at all either.

Kind of light hearted but if I'm doing the mental load of the shop and meal plan with no input again, I will buy and ear what I want.

Anyone else's family like this? Dh used to love picking out food but I don't know he isn't bovered now.

Plus my mum died this year so I'm not feeling it. We have bought our Christmas eve gammon actually but that's it so far!

OP posts:
slipperypenguin · 08/12/2023 23:44

If that's typically your job is it really that difficult just to think of things he would like and throw an extra couple of things in the basket? It seems a bit mean to deliberately do the opposite... and like you say it sounds like he probably won't be that bothered either way but it'd be nice if you did.

It obviously depends on whether he's a lazy fucker generally in other aspects of life but I'd say if there was other family jobs/tasks that he took on and had responsibility for and just chose to not do your portion or think of you then it'd equally be pretty mean

Elfnsafetyhat · 08/12/2023 23:52

I think it’s really important to get him to do something otherwise he is role modelling his lazy behaviour to your kids and they will grow up believing it’s mums job to sort xmas….and the cycle will continue! If you have a dd she will believe it’s all on her shoulders, your ds would think his partner should do it all like mum manages

Original poster
DyslexicPoster · 08/12/2023 23:59

slipperypenguin · 08/12/2023 23:44

If that's typically your job is it really that difficult just to think of things he would like and throw an extra couple of things in the basket? It seems a bit mean to deliberately do the opposite... and like you say it sounds like he probably won't be that bothered either way but it'd be nice if you did.

It obviously depends on whether he's a lazy fucker generally in other aspects of life but I'd say if there was other family jobs/tasks that he took on and had responsibility for and just chose to not do your portion or think of you then it'd equally be pretty mean

He has no opinions ever on the weekly shop. If I was to get extra bits for Christmas for him it would be a small case of beer, stinky cheese and a MODERATE size pack of crackers for his cheese. I will do that.

But anything more we need to discuss. Like what's to eat Christmas night? Boxing day? I don't think he has an opinion either way.

So I'm not intending to ask him. I will choose what I want.

Food is one of things that has fallen in my job. He cooks more than me. He's not useless, just not interested in this any more for some reason.

So if he's not expressing interest like last year, he will go with the flow.

OP posts:
Original poster
DyslexicPoster · 09/12/2023 00:04

Elfnsafetyhat · 08/12/2023 23:52

I think it’s really important to get him to do something otherwise he is role modelling his lazy behaviour to your kids and they will grow up believing it’s mums job to sort xmas….and the cycle will continue! If you have a dd she will believe it’s all on her shoulders, your ds would think his partner should do it all like mum manages

He will probably be cooking. I love thinking about all the things I'm going to eat. As did he once. I keep joking he has been smoking too long. Maybe he really can't taste things anymore.

Every year we used to do a buffet on Christmas night with cheeses and fresh bread etc. Last year we didn't and it was just so much easier too. I'm not sure he even noticed!

OP posts:
stealthninjamum · 09/12/2023 00:17

Op it’s a weird thread, at first it sounds like you do most of the work but actually you do the meal planning and he does the cooking, so it sounds like he’s pulling his weight. I wondered if you’re generally happy in your relationship because dp and I talk about Christmas and what we’re going to eat / buy and we enjoy those conversations. Even dc look at the shopping list and get to choose puddings, breakfasts, their favourite foods. It makes me really happy getting bits like pate for dd1, mustard for dp, maple syrup for the pancakes dd2 wants Boxing Day. I think it’s sad that you don’t seem to get pleasure from buying little things like a piece of cheese for your h.

Elfnsafetyhat · 09/12/2023 00:18

Your best bet is to talk to him about this and find out what’s going on

MelsMoneyTree · 09/12/2023 00:25

I'm sorry for your loss.
But if you're the same poster who posted last year, you're just going to get the same response. You don't need an annual thread about petty, point-scoring food shopping. Let it go.

Nonplusultra · 09/12/2023 07:36

There’s something about Christmas that can highlight the small, festering resentments. It sounds like you’re not happy with the way the domestic drudgery has split in your home? Often the mental load isn’t part of your half - it’s an invisible extra.

How about getting a copy of the book Fair Play and renegotiating the division of labour.

The Fair Play Book | Fair Play Life

https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-book

onwardsup4 · 09/12/2023 08:32

Soo much easier not to have cheese ? I'm confused, he does the cooking but you begrudge him a bit of cheese he likes , and so what if there's loads of crackers left ?? What a strange thread

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