DH not joining in Christmas plans

[wouldthatbeworse]

I appreciate that those of us on the Christmas board like Christmas more than average but DH is being a seasonal fun sponge.

He refuses to engage in discussions on what to get the kids and then huffs because I’ve done it all. One present has gone missing in Royal Mail and his response is what do you want me to do about it.

I asked if he wanted to come see Santa with the kids. No. Christmas theatre trip? No. Every evening me and the kids open our advent calendars together. His is sat on the shelf.

Today he suggested we could get the tree while the kids were at school because it would be easier without them.

No childhood Christmas trauma. I know he’s just not that into it but I wish he would at least try for the kids.

@Rabiz I should try and adopt your zen like approach and just enjoy it without being annoyed that he's not. DH is not at all controlling so he doesn't in any way prevent any of the festivity he just fiddles with his phone a lot (school Christmas fair) or goes into the other room (tree decorating last 2 years). He certainly doesn't complain about what I've chosen and will thank me for doing it, he just doesn't want to engage in discussions about whether kid would like the X over Y.

@Tiredbehyondbelief I think DH probably does feel quite criticised. I guess I'm trying to work out a constructive way to improve the situation rather than just telling him you don't do A and you need to so B more which no one enjoys.

Thank you for all the other responses. Knowing myself if I was married to Mr Christmas who didn't look after any of the day to day practicalities then I wouldn't like that either.

I'm going to try and focus on the 3 Christmas fans having a joyful festive time full of happy memories and not dwell on the Christmas hater. He can do the washing up.

Have you thought about giving him £20 in an envelope and telling him to buy his own present? Since he's not that keen on Christmas and everything.

That's no way to live. I don't care if he doesn't like Christmas - when you're a parent, seeing your kids excited and happy is what you live for.

My DH is a grinch. I just started doing things without him, he soon started to want to come when the kids came back full of excitement about how great it was.

He has a very valid point, Christmas starts in the shops in September, when it can still easily be 27degrees outside. The advertisements and relentless songs, very annoying.

BUT

taking your children to see Santa, or going to the theatre is a lot of fun for kids, and you do it as a parent, even if Panto is your idea of hell, because they love it and not everything is about you when you have children. He needs to grow up, and even if he is struggling mentally, (I know you said you don’t think so) you have to be able to say to him, think about the kids, just crack your face and try have a nice time.

But I bet you look after day to day practicalities as well as doing Christmas for the kids.

There are lots of things that adults don't like doing - I'm not a great lover of Christmas shopping or cooking or getting everything prepared. But I do it because it's necessary for my family to have a good time. It's not reasonable to opt out when you have small children!