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Original poster

For those who find Christmas hard

26 replies

TomMriddlee · 20/11/2023 20:05

I used to absolutely love Christmas but the last couple of years I’ve had grief stricken Christmases and I did not enjoy Christmas at all. I cannot have kids of my own as I suffer from recurrent miscarriages so it’s a reminder of what I’ll not have and I suppose that’s why I feel that way and my miscarriages were always around this time. The last thing I wanted was to be sociable and fake being joyful when I was the most depressed I’ve ever been.

I am not at all a Christmas hater but struggle to believe I’ll feel the magic again as I feel it’s tainted for me.

Has Christmas ever been ruined for you and did you ever get your love for it ‘back’?

I don’t want to be a miser 😂 so I’m on the mince pies (it’s a hard life in the name of science) and Christmas rom coms to try to get a bit festive. 🎅 I also do enjoy the work Christmas party. So maybe I’m not that bad at Christmas just not the same as I was.

Just a chat thread really and also I’m sorry to those who find Christmas really hard and please do share it you want to 🧡.

OP posts:
Original poster
TomMriddlee · 22/11/2023 18:50

Hatty65 · 21/11/2023 17:05

I managed to re-frame things in my mind to not link them with Christmas, if that makes sense? My grandmother died on Christmas Day, we buried my grandfather the next Christmas Eve and I sadly suffered a miscarriage one Christmas Day.

I do have a large extended family and had DC already when I lost the baby so I was very lucky in many ways and I took the pragmatic stance that I'd have been sad whatever day we lost GPs and devastated whatever day I'd lost a baby - that my sadness didn't depend on the time of year. I didn't want to turn Christmas into a time of mourning and misery for everyone so instead I was brisk about it the next year and just focused on enjoying Christmas traditions with everyone else rather than wallowing in my own sadness. I'm really sorry for your losses, OP (and everyone else's).

For me, it worked to think 'well my feelings about my loss are there, and constant. I'm not sadder today than I was three months ago, so why spend today dwelling on unhappy thoughts? Focus on the positives.'

I do agree with only doing what you want to, or can cope with though.

This completely makes sense and you sound v sensible. I’m very sorry for your losses.

For me I’m not at a stage where I’m actively mourning or wallowing I just feel a bit meh about it. I think it’s more of a subconscious thing.

Maybe I’d be a miser if all this stuff happened and it’s just my age. l will never know 😂

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