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Original poster

Different aged children on Christmas morning

38 replies

BoyGirlanddone · 23/10/2023 14:58

Any suggestions as to how to handle Christmas morning with different aged cousins? My kids (DS9 and DD7) still very much believe in Father Christmas and have always opened their presents on Christmas morning (usually VERY early).
When we spend Christmas with their older cousins who always sleep in much later, it's always torturous to get our kids to hold back when they know "he's been" but noone else is awake yet.
My family is from Eastern Europe so when we grew up, we opened our presents on Christmas Eve and then all slept in on Christmas Day. My sister would like to start doing this again with our kids as it is infinitely more civilised, but my husband is dead against it as it's not his tradition. I totally get both their sides in this debate, so I feel totally stuck in the middle. Any ideas how we can keep everyone happy? My husband wants us to stay at our house on Christmas Eve rather than all together at my parents' to (totally understandably) avoid the early morning issue, but I really want to all be together. Any ideas gratefully recieved!

OP posts:
smilesup · 23/10/2023 15:01

How far away are your parents?

Whataretheodds · 23/10/2023 15:04

Why do your kids need to hold back? If the older kids (who presumably don't look out for Santa) and choose to sleep in that's up to them?

Can you start with a present each on Christmas eve and the rest held over til the morning? Or exchange family gifts on Christmas eve and then Santa comes overnight?

Whataretheodds · 23/10/2023 15:05

Re where - you don't have to do the same each year. Presumably in a few years your own children won't be up that early either anyway

Original poster
BoyGirlanddone · 23/10/2023 15:05

Only 45 minutes, so not an unreasonable distance to travel.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoyGirlanddone · 23/10/2023 15:07

Whataretheodds · 23/10/2023 15:05

Re where - you don't have to do the same each year. Presumably in a few years your own children won't be up that early either anyway

it's also only every other year, as we alternate with DH's parents

OP posts:
Forgottenmyphone · 23/10/2023 15:09

My dc are allowed to open their stockings as soon as they wake up, but have to wait until after breakfast until the can open their presents from the family (usually 10.30 ish). It teaches them self control and patience and besides, they’ve just opened their stockings so they should take the time to appreciate and play with what was in those. I usually make sure there are at least a couple of things in the stockings that the dc can play with while they wait for the bigger presents.

Ponderingwindow · 23/10/2023 15:11

Christmas morning at your own homes if that is possible. Then meet up later in the day.

its not just different desires about the time to start. Different households are going to have different gifting levels and balance Santa vs gifts from parents.

Coldinscotland · 23/10/2023 15:15

We have stockings at 7 is. Cooked breakfast at 8.30. Presents at 10...
I kid you not crepes and coffee at 11 and adult dc still complain lunch is never ready before 2.30pm...

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 23/10/2023 16:05

Xmas Eve with your parents and open presents as per European tradition.

Then spend Xmas day at your house with more presents and do whatever your husband wants.

SeaToSki · 23/10/2023 16:11

Sit down with all the cousins on Xmas Eve and get them to decide between all of them what time stockings will be opened on Xmas morning with all of them in attendance. Usually the pleading faces of smaller dc will soften the heart of a teenager at Xmas. And then have a back up mini lego set and bag of chocs in your room so if your dc are up early and twisting themselves in knots you can give them a small something to tide them over.

Meshing customs and ages at Xmas is the hardest thing, I find its easiest to try and get everyone in the same discussion rather than pass on messages etc

mathanxiety · 23/10/2023 16:34

Your H needs to compromise. Right now he wants it all his way.

I think you should do the Christmas Eve get together. It is important to your family and he's a part of your family now. He needs to send a message to the children that he values that half of their heritage.

My family did a hybrid Christmas Eve and Christmas morning thing. On Christmas Eve we opened gifts from extended family. They had all been placed under the tree wrapped, as they arrived in the post (nobody lived nearby). We always had a special dinner, with desserts.

Now that the DCs are adults, they all get each other gifts which are placed under the tree and opened on Christmas Eve. I still do Santa, placing gifts under the tree for each of them, to be opened on Christmas morning or whenever they get up.

Growing up, Christmas was all about the day itself. The family gift opening (and a celebratory meal) on Christmas Eve was more of a German tradition passed on in my exH's family.

mathanxiety · 23/10/2023 16:39

Also, we never did stockings, and the DCs were welcome to check if Santa had been any time from 5 onwards. I could hear them whispering "Shhhhhh" loudly every Christmas morning and 'tiptoeing' down the stairs. I once found the two youngest fast asleep on the wood floor under the tree when I got up at 7.

Natsku · 23/10/2023 16:44

Presumably so far you've done Christmas according to your husband's traditions, its only fair to give your traditions a turn now, at least on the years you spend Christmas with your family.

Otherwise I'd just let the younger children open their stockings first thing, then ask the older children to get up a bit earlier than they would otherwise, but not too early, so its a compromise. That's what I do with my children (5 year old who wakes up early very excited and 12 year would who would rather sleep until afternoon before opening presents - 5 year old learns some patience waiting and 12 year old learns that sometimes we get up earlier than we want to for the sake of small children)

letmesailletmesail · 23/10/2023 16:47

Surely your family, your traditions. I think it's really insensitive of your DH not to follow those. Then, on his family's years, you follow his family's traditions.
In the longer term, you could almost do a double Christmas (as friends of mine do). Xmas Eve with the side of the family who celebrate them and Xmas Day with the side of the family who celebrate then.

YouBelongHere · 23/10/2023 16:49

My parents are divorced and I loved Christmas morning at my Mum's house, I'd get up hours before my older brothers, wake my Mum up and she'd come downstairs with me and she'd watch me open my presents whilst it was nice and peaceful. Then she'd leave me playing whilst she went for a shower.

At my Dad's me and my step-sibling around the same age had to wait until all the older siblings were up, washed and dressed and as a kid it felt like a lifetime. We had stockings in the morning to keep us going but the morning still dragged and to me opening your presents in the light washed and dressed just wasn't Christmas, as a kid I liked that it was still dark and I was in my pyjamas.

One year as a kid my Mum suggested I open one present as long as it wasn't from her or Santa and then played with that until she was ready to get up, maybe you could do something like that? Although I remember opening one and then being so pleased with it I immediately woke her up to tell her about it!

gotomomo · 23/10/2023 16:53

We switched to opening presents after lunch (around 3pm) by mid primary school, the only exception being the annual gift of pjs that they opened after midnight mass. Even as little ones they never got up early.

cheddercherry · 23/10/2023 17:14

Could you do family gifts with your family on Xmas Eve and then have an early morning at your house and then nip back for the rest of the day with the cousins?

Avoiding the waiting early on Xmas morning but also I do think it’s important to share traditions from both sides so this is maybe a compromise?

StaringAtTheSunset · 23/10/2023 17:29

What used to happen when your sisters kids were younger? Did everyone get up early to accommodate their excitement?

shardash · 23/10/2023 17:29

If the two sides of the family have different traditions on when to open presents, then surely, since you alternate spending Christmas with your parents and his, why not alternate the tradition as well.

LeticiaDejeuner · 23/10/2023 17:30

We have the same issue. We live in central Europe, my family is from the UK, so we have different family traditions. We do a big family dinner on Christmas Eve with Mil, sil, bil, older cousin and any other relatives (all adults) from DH's side who are around, and exchange presents (mostly for the kids), usually at MiL's house (but we take turns cooking).

On Christmas morning (at our house , not bothering anyone except me and DH) my kids get up very early and open the stockings from my side of the family. It works for us, and the kids get to actually engage with what they get because they don't get it all at once.

StaringAtTheSunset · 23/10/2023 17:31

Posted too soon.

Or did your sister never do the early morning thing with her kids?

Original poster
BoyGirlanddone · 23/10/2023 18:32

letmesailletmesail · 23/10/2023 16:47

Surely your family, your traditions. I think it's really insensitive of your DH not to follow those. Then, on his family's years, you follow his family's traditions.
In the longer term, you could almost do a double Christmas (as friends of mine do). Xmas Eve with the side of the family who celebrate them and Xmas Day with the side of the family who celebrate then.

It’s more “sticking to the story”
It’s too complicated as it is coming up with answers for how FC works without chucking in different days! I blame Arthur Christmas for convincing them he’s done by sunrise! It’ll be easier once they don’t believe any more but I don’t want to rush them into being non-believers!

OP posts:
Original poster
BoyGirlanddone · 23/10/2023 18:34

StaringAtTheSunset · 23/10/2023 17:31

Posted too soon.

Or did your sister never do the early morning thing with her kids?

They’ve always slept later than mine!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 23/10/2023 19:10

At 7 and 9, I would be giving serious thought to telling your children who Santa really is, the older one especially. When were you planning on telling them? Would you say many of their classmates still believe? Would you be sad if they came home from school after Christmas having been made fun of for earnestly asking what their mates got from Santa?

StaringAtTheSunset · 23/10/2023 19:31

I think a fair and easy compromise would be to do it’s your husbands way one year and your families way the other. I think it’s nice to expose the children to both parents traditions and your husband should be willing to compromise.

Or if you’re not bothered about your family traditions, you and your husband get up early with the kids, but leave everyone else in bed. You can still have a lovely day together when they’re up and about.