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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

Christmas Day not for me

25 replies

Maybe87 · 21/10/2023 15:47

Im not from UK but my husband is British and therefore we spend Christmas in UK and Easter (which is a big holiday in my country) in my home country with my parents. We have a DS3 and a DD1 and so far my DH’s parents were inviting us to stay at their house for Christmas Eve and Christmas. My BIL and his family were alternating each year as his wife is British and she wanted to spend Christmas every other year with them. This year as we grow bigger and older it was decided that BIL and his family will stay at their house (4 hours away) and invited my parents in law. I’m happy with it, it makes sense to start alternate this way from now on, next year will come to ours etc. The problem is that my MIL wants to spend “second Christmas” with us, meaning our children won’t get any presents from them on Christmas Day but they will come on a later date to our house. I don’t like this idea. I was excited to have to spend Christmas just the 4 of us without pressure and now we will have to do it again. And I cannot explain it to my DS3 why he are having Christmas again. I would prefer for them to open their presents on Christmas Day and then have a facetime with them. At the end, this is how things will be from now on every other year. They will be missing seeing some of their grandchildren that day. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

TidyDancer · 21/10/2023 15:55

Yes I think you are.

Since Christmas doesn't mean much to you does it really matter? I think it's fair enough if they're buying for your DCs that they will want to see them open their presents. I don't think there's any need for it to be a big deal for your DCs doing something differently every other year. Surely you just say that their presents from their GPS will be coming later.

YoudFallOutWithYourselfInAnEmptyRoom · 21/10/2023 15:55

It won’t confuse DC as It’s not Christmas again though. It’s Boxing Day, and a nice day to receive a few more presents after the excesses of the previous day. It saves the flat feeling after one big day then nothing. You could serve up a pre made lasagne and keep it simple if you don’t want pressure and fuss.

If you don’t want to see them at Christmas at all, and just do it every other year, would you be equally happy to only have only every other Easter with your parents?

Allthingsdecember · 21/10/2023 15:56

You don’t need to have a full second Christmas, but it’s completely normal for children to get presents from relatives on a different day, if they’re not spending the 25th together.

This year I’m going to my mum’s on Christmas Day and seeing the in-laws a few days later. We will do party food and play games with my in-laws, and will generally treat it as part of the Christmas celebrations. This is also when they’ll give my DC their gifts.

I think it’s a nice thing really. It spreads the excitement out for the children and the grandparents get to see them open their gifts 🤷‍♀️.

BoohooWoohoo · 21/10/2023 15:57

Yabu

Don't you have the system of gifts from people are from them ? So it doesn't matter when the children receive gifts from their grandparents.

If it's the cooking etc that is a palaver then have you considered having a different meal (not a roast) on the 25th and having roast with the grandparents ?

Comedycook · 21/10/2023 15:58

I think you're being a bit mean. Don't think of it as a second Christmas....think of it as just a family meal and kids getting gifts.

Whiterose23 · 21/10/2023 15:59

Due to circumstances we have often had three christmases. My children are 14&11 and having multiple Christmases is delightful for them.
They get quality time with grandparents, nobody is stressed as it’s not Xmas day. The bonus for us was when they were younger they didn’t get as overwhelmed with the present opening

LenBast · 21/10/2023 16:00

I think YAB a bit U. It's not Christmas again, it's just having another nice day around Christmas. Spreading the presents out a bit works better IME as well.

Just say to your DS that you can't see DMIL on Christmas Day because she's visiting BIL so you're having a get together afterwards. All very easy and normal.

2chocolateoranges · 21/10/2023 16:03

YABU, dh’s family all get their gifts on Boxing Day from the in-laws as we spent Boxing Day with his side of the family,

The only gifts our children get on Christmas Day are from us.

saltnpepper2000 · 21/10/2023 16:03

I wouldn't mind the presents being late but I wouldn't want to cook Christmas dinner twice.

I would make it a nice (but different) sort of day.

Original poster

Maybe87 · 21/10/2023 16:06

Thank you. You are right I’m being unreasonable but only because I have NO SAY at all for that day so 2nd Christmas means 2 days that my opinion doesn’t count. I know in my country we do things differently but it will be nice if my DH was trying to include one side dish at the Christmas table from home, where to put the stockings or just go with my opinion for something (like which day we open the presents)

OP posts:

HoHoHoliday · 21/10/2023 16:06

You are being a little unreasonable. Christmas is a festival to celebrate, it doesn't need to be contained to one day. I see family and friends spread out over a few weeks.
When your in laws arrive at your home, you don't need to pretend it's Christmas Day, but you can still celebrate Christmas with them on whatever day they are there.
In our home/family, Father Christmas always and only delivers his presents in the night of the 24th, but presents from one person to another are exchanged on whatever day those two people see each other so they can open them together.

Khvdrt · 21/10/2023 16:07

This is quite normal to be honest; you don’t need to tell your DC it’s another Christmas and just say you’ll be seeing grandparents a few days later and get the presents then. We’ve always done this with the grandparents that we don’t see on the day and I understand that they want to see the DC oprn the presents they have bought

HoHoHoliday · 21/10/2023 16:11

Just an idea, but why don't you invite your family over to visit for Christmas while your in laws are with BIL? If Christmas isn't so big in your country your family might enjoy the chance to share it in this way with your kids?

LenBast · 21/10/2023 16:12

Maybe87 · 21/10/2023 16:06

You're absolutely right- just because you're having a British Christmas doesn't mean you can't incorporate elements from home- in fact that would be really lovely. Your DH is being a dick if he is opposed to this.

Whiterose23 · 21/10/2023 16:14

Maybe87 · 21/10/2023 16:06

Why doesn’t your opinion count? This is obviously the real reason you have objections and I’d feel the same.
Please don’t let this happen this year and voice (insist) on you having a say.

LeefsPrings · 21/10/2023 16:21

They don't mean for you to actually do 'Christmas Day' all over again, they just want to come and visit, and to see their DGC open a couple of presents.

All you need to do is a nice dinner with added Christmas Crackers.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 21/10/2023 16:22

It's totally normal for catching up with other relatives during the week after Xmas.
I agree it does not have to be another Xmas Day. Its nice for grandparents to see their gifts being opened.

2jacqi · 21/10/2023 16:24

I couldnt be doing with more than one christmas!!! I have never understood the need to constantly be in someone else's house for 3 days at a time. sure mil will be wanting to go home to her own house after being out of it for 3 days and two nights? your children will be wanting to play with their presents from santa

Nonplusultra · 21/10/2023 17:51

In my family we alternate years too - one year I host my pils, my db and sil are hosting my dps so we always try and get the whole family together for a meal at some stage before or after Christmas. The other families involved do something similar. It means that no one’s dp’s are ever left alone at Christmas, shares the effort round the family and also ensures that we all see each other at some point.

But it’s never another Christmas meal - No one could face that! If my sil is hosting it, there will be lots of food from her country’s traditions. I usually do something easy and wintry like a boeuf bourguignon. On the rare occasions fallen on Boxing Day, the meal is leftovers (which are the best bit).

It also means that the dc get some more gifts to keep them occupied while the grown ups sit about chatting. And they actually appreciate the gifts more for being a bit spread out.

WaitingfortheTardis · 21/10/2023 18:01

Just incorporate the bits that you'd like, you don't need to wait for dh to offer.

Many families have a second family gathering with in laws where more gifts are given, children tend to love this as it spreads put the presents and keeps the excitement for longer. You don't need to do the full Christmas Dinner and all the trimmings again, just a dinner with some leftover crackers to pull etc.

Edgeofthesea · 22/10/2023 09:04

It sounds to me like this is the issue...

You don't feel listened to, and you feel that your DH doesn't care about what you want. This is a DH problem, not a 2nd Christmas problem. You want him to respect your wishes.

I think you ABU (a bit) about accommodating a second Christmas, but ultimately, it's your Christmas too and you get to have a say. You and DH need to talk and find a solution that you are both happy with (and that takes into account your v young children) and then he can communicate that to his family. This applies to all Christmas holiday plans, not just when you exchange gifts with ILs.

I suspect that if you voice your thoughts to your DH and receive a sympathetic response where he shows that he cares and respects your wishes, the specifics of when/how you see everybody will matter less.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/10/2023 09:28

IMO it’s nice for children to have some presents to open after the big day. Last year our Gdcs spent Christmas with the other GPs, but came to us on the 27th, when they opened their presents from us. Something else to look forward to, and certainly no big deal in this family.

I suppose it’s a bit different if all presents are supposed to come from Father Christmas, but we’ve never done that - FC and family presents have always been separate.

Sallyh87 · 22/10/2023 17:06

We are very low contact with FIL (he is very horrible), so we do a ‘second Christmas’ with MIL annually. It’s just a day where the kids open gifts, we give gifts to MIL and have a nice dinner. It’s not a big hassle and who doesn’t love an excuse for a roast?

Ponderingwindow · 22/10/2023 17:14

As part of integrating families and balancing schedules, i had to accept that my dc would be having a big Christmas celebration with present opening on Christmas Eve. It turned out to be wonderful and I now love the tradition.

your children will probably enjoy another mini gathering with the grandparents. It doesn’t have to be a full-blown Christmas celebration. Or if the grandparents want to be the ones to do the work, let it happen and just show up and enjoy yourself.

I would also look at ways to start incorporating a bit of yourself into the day. You say Easter is a bigger holiday, but do you have any foods or little traditions from the actual day or even general time of year that you miss from growing up? Maybe now that things are switching up would be a good time to introduce your family to something that you love to make this celebration a bit more your own.

FutureMandosWife · 22/10/2023 17:16

My child gets Christmas day at home where Santa drops off with our gifts and mil gifts Boxing day my parents presents from family members.

He just thinks Santa does multiple drop offs

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