Lone parent, only child - Christmas for two

[Lpoc]

This will be our first year as a lone parent, only child family for Christmas. Exh actually left years ago, but we had local friends who we spent Christmas with. From this year onwards, it will be just us. Dd 13, and me.

Dd is autistic, so doesn't actually like lots of people around. But I'm worried about how to make Christmas special when it's just us. The present pile will be smaller, as her dad doesn't send anything any more either.

Any ideas for a special Christmas for 2 would be appreciated.

How old is DD?

Oh sorry, I’ve just seen, 13. Favourite food, some festive baking eg gingerbread house, Christmas films, get her involved in decorating the house, just the usual things she enjoys at Xmas.
My DS favourite thing is demolishing a cheeseboard and watching Die Hard on Christmas Eve. He’s autistic too and not a huge fan of busy Christmases, but that’s his festive joy.

I’d ask her what special things she would like to do and suggest you two make some new traditions this year.

Could you do some baking? go for a walk in the park before dinner? Eat dinner in the living room? Maybe even get her to choose some tablewear or a special outfit to wear on the day.

It will be different than what you’re used to but id try pitch it as something you can both really look forward to.
My friend always had Christmas with just her mum, they had the laziest day in their pjs, watching films and eating Christmas chocolate. They had a smaller Christmas dinner as they didn’t like Turkey so had all the bits they liked to eat instead and then at night went for a walk to see the houses all decorated. She loved it.

Sounds lovely, I've had Christmases like this and it's been lovely peaceful, easy dinner.. I'd splash out on nice snacks

Yes - food I'm sure will need to be a big feature. Selected food for my fussy eater! But she does love baking, so that's a great suggestion. Thank you.

And yes, probably taking a whole load of pressure off and just hanging out at home. She may actually enjoy that more than previous years!

Maybe it's me who's the problem!! The first year without friends or family near is daunting, for me (probably more than her!)

I think that you should have a chat with her about what she likes about Christmas. My kids are NT but it's surprising how they revert to being a child and talk wistfully of the sensory stuff like lights as well as simple activities like wrestling with a gingerbread house kit (we don't have the inclination to cook the biscuits too)
Any rules that you can relax for Christmas? For example would she like to spend the night on the sofa or organise a Christmas surprise for a younger child like delivering some reindeer food? My neighbours girls loved this and I had the pleasure of hearing their squeals when they saw the next day.

Make sure you both get out for some fresh air and daylight -

A couple of years ago, Covid/lockdown forced a v small Christmas (boyfriend and me). By the time we'd gone out for a very long walk and called at the end of a neighbour's garden for mulled wine over the gate, and cooked and laid the table, there was barely time to exchange presents. It was delightful eating Xmas Dinner in the evening rather than in the middle of the afternoon.

My dd and I always make some Jamie Oliver get ahead gravy a few days beforehand.

Would she like a friend from school dropping round between Christmas and New Year ?

How's her Christmas film knowledge ? Would she enjoy a bit ofChristmas song karaoke?

It will be what you make it- you sound like a caring lovely mum so I’m sure you will both have a great time- presents, walk, games, loads of lovely food, Christmas film-without the pressure! Sounds really cosy & perfect! X

I understand OP. My DS doesn’t like surprises - it took me years to figure out he prefers to know exactly what he will be getting and then looks forward to receiving it. One year I surprised him with a new phone which was the worst thing I could have done!!

Will you have any friends in the area you can go for a drink with in the days leading up to Christmas? DS enjoys being left alone with a computer game and his favourite snacks, but I like to feel Christmassy, so if I go to the pub quiz he’s happy and I’m happy.

I would spend time thinking about what you really love to do and drop all the "shoulds". And spend the day doing what makes you both feel good. If you love reading you could introduce the Icelandish Christmas Eve book tradition. If you have favourite movies watch those. Or a new tradition of picking a series/trilogy and watching those - you can be researching that ahead of time. Cook what you love to eat but don't have time to do together e.g. homemade pasta. You could find a volunteering opportunity in the morning/early afternoon. Buy a jigsaw and open it up Christmas morning and do it together. As well as the proper presents give each of you a budget for fun presents to bulk it out (e.g. something delicious, something I hate but you love, something I'd never dream of buying, etc.) and turn the opening into more of an event, etc. Good luck!

Plan and cook the whole dinner with her on the day - you will be very busy! Let’s her choose what she wants even if it’s pizza or lasagne you can make them with a Christmas twist. Then eating, watching what you like and then for a walk to choose which street is decorated better.
26th is usually a good day for shopping/ wondering around town as less busy.

Or go back to what you might have done when your child was younger. Build a lego set together. Pick a craft and make stuff together, learn something new each Christmas day.

Imo the best thing is getting cookie cutters for little tiny cookies that sit on the side of your cocoa mug. Then making spekulatius dough to cut out and bake in those shapes. I think it's like gingerbread. Or spekuloos.

When mine were small (I had 3 but otherwise same situation) I used to get reduced luxury food on Christmas eve. Weird stuff.
I did it again last year and the fridge was full of bizarre fancy things from m and s.

A film like Santa Claus the movie.

Magic tbh. The less people, the better.

Thank you all! I'm touched by so many replies so soon!

Yes, I think a lack of surprises (for her), her helping with all the prep is probably a great idea for that!! And she loves cooking. So maybe getting her to help with a load of "cook ahead" stuff will not only take the pressure off me feeling like I have to achieve a lot on the day, but remove the surprises she doesn't enjoy from her (and build in some nice anticipation).

And actually yes - me popping to the local pub quiz, while she chills at home one evening is probably a winner too (for us both!)

Thank you everyone - you're actually making me dread this less!

Dont forget to buy yourself presents!! I buy myself a little selection of things and wrap them up, so I have things to open too. I tend to get mine earlier, so I’ve had time to forget what they are 😂

Yes! She's been upset before because Santa forgot to leave my present! She doesn't believe anymore, but still loves the pretence.

I think you can start some lovely new traditions focused on things the two of you like and enjoy. Don’t forget yourself in this. 13 is old enough to understand we watch X because mum loves that and we have red cabbage with the pizza because that’s mums favourite even if I won’t go near it (I speak as the mother of a child who hates all components of Christmas dinner)

Have been there, with a ds although he is NT

Reframe it. Do all the things you both love the best. Make it all about you both.

Day in pjs eating whatever the fuck you like, watching a mountain of Xmas films? A walk on the beach, flask of hot chocolate? Board games, pamper session fun stuff. Just anything you like. It doesn’t need to be a traditional Xmas. It doesn’t need to be anything you don’t want it to be