Making Christmas fun without seeing other family members

[blueberrymojito]

To keep things simple, DH and I both have pretty dysfunctional and quite frankly rubbish families who we don't see at Christmas time unless we make all the effort. This year I've decided we're not making all the effort anymore.

As a result we will undoubtedly be spending Christmas just four of us. DCS are 14 and 4. Im ok with this, less drama, albeit sad we don't have the big family Christmas everyone else seems to have (although I know not always the case). But how can I make it fun for the kids and create lovely Christmas memories without the grandparents, aunties/uncles, cousins etc?

We do have some great friends, but they will be with their families over Christmas. Just feel like I'm failing to provide big family Christmases for my children.

I've never had a 'big family Christmas' with my DS, in fact I have realised that at 22 he has never spent a Christmas with anyone his own age .. it's usually just the three of us plus one or two elderly relatives. It's never actually occurred to me that it might not be 'fun' .. we still have a good time, Church, nice food, board games, a walk, film ...
It depends what you like doing and how long you expect 'Christmas' to last ... do you want to have a full twelve days of festivities or just focus on 25 December?
Theres always the Pantomime (my idea of hell ), Christmas concerts, meals out, light trails etc etc if you want more activities.

I never had big family Christmas and my kids have never either. Sounds far too busy and stressful to me.

I'd make it more about the Christmas festive period than the day itself - then you will be happy to have a chilled family day with yummy food, gifts, walks and movies (or whatever you enjoy!)

Book in a treaty activity one day around Xmas, like a show or something.

And arrange to see friends before/after Xmas day. While friends may well be busy on Xmas day they are more likely to be free around Christmas - we always do a big friend gathering Xmas eve, and boxing day or a few days after Xmas we might do a big friend walk to the pub.

If you have a local pub they will often do late morning drinks if you wanted to see people on Xmas day.

Christmas with the four of you sounds perfect! Especially as you get to create the magic for your four year old.

Have you got any traditions of your own? If not, now would be the perfect time to make some. Maybe a pantomime or a trip to a Christmas market with lunch in a pub somewhere with mocktails for your teen. Or a Christmas cinema trip. Our local one always shows Christmas films a couple of days before. Maybe pick a couple of cards off the Dunelm gift tree and ask them to help you choose a present each to donate. What about dinner on Christmas Eve? You could each choose your favourite takeaway, all to be delivered at the same time, maybe a board game like Articulate or the Logo game, then rope your teen into helping you leave footprints or a button from FC’s coat after your youngest has gone to bed. Ask them to come up with an idea for something to help the youngest believe he’s been. Help your four year old buy presents for your teen and vice Versa. Arrange with your DH to help them buy presents for you both.

What do you want your day to look like? Let your DC choose what they want for breakfast in advance and have it for them. Let them give input into snacks and sweets and drinks. Are you an active ‘let’s go to the beach and watch/do a Christmas swim/fly kites/take the dog for a hike? Or are you a laze about and relax family?

Big family Christmases can be lovely. But they can also be tense, full of worries and stress and are enough to make people dread Christmas. Conversely, small and intimate can be blissfully happy. You have to do what is best for your family, be it really low key or going all out.

If you'd rather have a more bustling Christmas you could always take in some strays. Are you in a university town? If so you could volunteer to invite some lonely international students for Christmas Day - international student offices often organize things like this. I've also seen FB groups for people to invite others in the same region/town over the holidays - or just start a post yourself in your local group or even here on MN. Might be a good way to.make some more friends.

We don’t do a big family Christmas. When I fell pregnant with my eldest we told everyone we wouldn’t be doing Christmas with them. They weren’t happy but the reality is you can’t please everyone- my mum and dad had broken up and DH’s family live an hour away. Unless we ran about trying to fit in seeing everyone or, worse still, had them all here- then it just wouldn’t work. Add to that, the fact we are both nurses and work Christmas some years- it was easier just to say no.
We have a very chilled Christmas Day in the house just us and a strict no visitors policy. We still see family round about Christmas to exchange gifts etc.

Last year we were at the end of having covid. My family didn’t want us there as grandparents are late 90’s /100 so we had our first Christmas just the 4 of us. You know what? Was our best Christmas ever!! Even the kids said so. No rushing to be somewhere. (We’re not Uk) went to the beach in the morning, late lunch at home, afternoon naps and no drunk family members, no annoying SIL. I would do it every year but sadly kids want to be with everyone this year.

We don't have family Christmases either (no family, basically). I know what you mean about the sadness, it's difficult to not feel wistful and envious of those having lovely warm family get-togethers. But it is what it is, so we make the best of it. First thing on Christmas morning is parkrun; DD11 and I volunteer, DH and DS13 run. Then it's back home, showers, bacon rolls, whisky-spiked tea for the adults, comfy clothes and presents! We have dinner at teatime but people can get snacks beforehand. Kids will lend a hand with veg prep and suchlike, we'll play a board game or watch a film.

Boxing Day we'll head out for a long walk. I make it a bit special by taking the Kelly Kettle to make hot drinks. Then we'll have a board game Olympics when we get home. Or we'll let the kids binge on Rocket League or similar.

This year there will be 3 adults, so we're going to have lamb, a family favourite but effing expensive .

I'm not sure how into Christmas your 14 year old is but you could make some decorations The works have some inexpensive kits. Baking homemade mince pies, you could even make the mincemeat.
For the 4 year old a walk around the local streets looking at the Christmas lights.
On the day itself favourite breakfast, lunch and pudding - it doesn't need to be turkey and all the trimmings

Make the lead up to christmas busy, see chrismas lights, panto, shopping trip into town, see santa (not sure how up for all this your 14 year old will be). Christmas crafts, baking, eat out somewhere you wouldn't normally etc. Then by christmas day you will all be happy just to be home and chill. Do christmas pyjamas with nice snacks, hot chocolate and a christmas movie. Get in food that will be a real treat for them. Get some new family board games. Go to see some carol singers. Go for a nice walk.
We choose to spend christmas day just the 4 of us, got sick of having to be somewhere at a certain time or watching the clock for people arriving and dc didn't want to be taken away from their toys. Also means DH and I can both have a drink without worrying about anyone having to drive. We do see all dh family the weekend before christmas and my family on boxing day though but honestly it's just a bit chaotic and stressful for everyone, the kids do enjoy playing with their cousins but a lot of the time they get a bit over tired and too much sweets leads to someone having a meltdown. I find it much better for them to actually met up with individual cousins/families other times than everyone together for 1 day

We are always just the three of us (DD is 16 now).

Before Christmas we normally go for a light walk with friends and also ice skating. We often did a carol concert but can't find anything we like this year but we added a mini-break (Friday late to Sunday late) to Berlin instead.

We bake mince pies, biscuits, a yule log.

Presents, lovely treat breakfast. A fancy version of a Sunday roast with whatever we like and the afternoon we play games, read, watch a movie and eat our bodyweight in chocolate and cake.

Boxing Day is normally a walk if the weather is good.

After Christmas we often go out for a day, light walk or museum or a show. It all depends on the days of the week as I am at work as well.

We don't just celebrate the day but the season. Over Dec/Jan we will do many of these things often crafty things with DGS's.

Put out my nativity scene in our front window. I clean the window first.

Go to Xmas tree farm and choose our tree, get it home and decorate it.

Make popcorn and string for tree with Xmas music playing with DGC.

Xmas baking cookies/cup cakes and decorating them. We buy a nice box to put them in then DGS's gift to other Grandparents. They take some home too.

Making homemade gift tags with DGC from old Xmas cards using pinking shears and hole punch with gold or silver thread and a bit of glitter. They took some to sell at their Xmas faire.

Go to city to see lights switched on and visit Xmas markets.

Go around my local area looking at Xmas lights. I make DGS's a slightly different list and they see which one finishes first. Followed by hot chocolate station set up at home with marshmallows and chocolate stirers. This is a treat for them because they don't get given chocolate very often.

I pick green small branches/sprigs from my garden and we spray them silver and make a Xmas flower arrangement with Holly from garden. DGS's make one for their Mum to take home.

Ice skating and hot chocolate afterwards. 2 1/2 hours whilst my DD and SiL shop for DGS's Xmas gifts.

The fir cones I collected with DGS's earlier in the year get sprayed gold and silver and some strung up to go on to the Xmas tree.

DGS's love taking our 2 dogs out for a walk with dogs wearing their Xmas coats. They love doing this.

Painting a flat stone. Gifted to their Uncle as a paperweight.

Visit to see Santa. Last year we took DGS's on a steam train to meet him with carol singing.

Visit to pantomime.

We always paint a clay Xmas decoration at 'Paint a Pot studio', either a star or a bauble then they get fired in kiln and we collect 2 weeks later. By the time DGC grow up and leave home they will have a full set each.

DH and I usually go to either Twelvth Night or Xmas ballet. We missed last year.

DH and I go out with friends for a Xmas meal mid December and exchange Xmas cards.

Gift wrapping. This usually happens over four evenings in December and I put on a Xmas movie and we eat some Xmas baking and open wine to try to make it less tedious.

I do early Xmas with DD, SiL and 2 DGS's mid December because I won't see them Xmas day. I cook a turkey crown and all the trimmings for Friday evening and then we walk dogs wearing their Xmas coats. I give DGS's their list and we see who can find Xmas lights/decorations first on our walk. Hot chocolate station for when we get back. DGS's hang up stockings when they go to bed. Open stockings next morning, Xmas music playing and lots of chocolates about. Morning Off to paint a pot Xmas decoration. Afternoon Xmas baking, evening make Xmas gift tags. DD and DSiL go to do Xmas gift shopping for DGS's for real Xmas. I make buffet with Xmas food and use up turkey crown in sandwiches. My son arrives to visit his sister/nephews. Put on Xmas movie. The next morning I collect green sprigs and spray painted them silver and holly from the garden and spray paint fir cones. Make floral arrangement and DD takes the one boys make her home and one for other grandparent. Popcorn making, stringing to go on Xmas tree. SiL only child with disabled Mum living alone so DD, SiL and 2 DGS's spend real Xmas day with her. After lunch DD, SiL and DGS go home. I send them home with Xmas baking cup cakes/cookies, Xmas gift tags, popcorn strings for their tree, stone and floral displays. It is tiring but I love doing it. At real Xmas I go to my son's. No children, so have a grown up Xmas.

@caringcarer can I just say you sounds like such a lovely, involved grandparent. I wish my mum made half that effort with her DGC!

Really helpful responses, thank you so much! All your Christmas's sound lovely.

I think I just need to reframe Christmas a little, it's not even our useless families I desperately want to spend time with tbh, just romanticising a little really about what I feel Christmas should look like. But we have each other and I'm so fortunate, so I'm going to focus on that and perhaps creating some new traditions together

They live 150 miles away so I only see them about 5 times a year so I always make the absolute most of seeing them. After Xmas I won't see them until February half term when I will travel down. I usually see them for a whole weekend though so I try to pack a lot in.

Is there something your families don’t like that you always wanted to do
at Christmas? We quite like games but my family aren’t into that. If we were alone we’d prepare some fun games to do.