How do I make Christmas less lonely for my DC?

[MakeXmasSpecial]

I’m just looking for some advice. For reasons I won’t go into, my DD and I will be very much alone this Christmas, her father is the other side of the world as are the rest of our family so it’s just me and my 2 DD.

This will be out first Christmas alone, normally we’d have a huge family gathering, we’d go all out with the Christmas dinner, games etc. but this year our Christmas will be very small and I just want to make it as special as I possibly can and to ensure my DD doesn’t feel lonely without her family.

Anyone else been in this position, any suggestions of what I can do to make it a nice day for her?

Oh my gosh @CorylusAgain so sorry to hear this, that is such a tragic loss and must have been incredibly hard for you and your DC but it’s great to hear you’ve embraced Christmas.

Wrap up on Christmas Eve and go for a walk around 5pm around Clifton and spot all the lovely trees in the windows. Then home for a hot chocolate and getting ready for Santa.

With no one else to cater for, or accommodate, you can really focus on your DD and having a special day together. Get dressed up if you fancy it, have poshy breakfast in bed, then she can help you with Xmas lunch prep. It can be really lovely.

Definitely go to church on Christmas Day-it’s always lovely, then home to a good roast dinner and a film with chocolates in the afternoon, playing with toys. Keep it simple. Going to church helps to break the day up and see other people.

My DP is working a 12 hr shift over Christmas this year so it's just me and my DD. I was thinking of having Christmas dinner at a restaurant rather than cooking. Although I'm also thinking of splitting with him so either way we are on our own as well.

Op...do you have any friends nearby? If I had a friend in this situation, I'd be more than happy to have them join us for the day.

Not sure exactly where you are but a walk along the coast and maybe a polar bear swim at clevedon lake if it happens this year?

I would make sure her stocking includes some board games/card games that are suitable for 2. I can't quite remember what ones are good for that age, but I'd bet you'd get loads of good ideas in a separate thread.

How about matching PJ's for Christmas Day in your stockings to change into on Christmas morning?

Make sure DD helps you cook your Christmas meal - perhaps do some prep together in the run up (I'd recommend a batch of Nigella's festive rocky road!).

Pinterest has some great fun Christmas breakfast ideas if you want to make that a bit different.

Nice Christmas book to read at bedtime in the run up, finishing on Christmas Eve? I loved reading the Matt Haig series to DC when younger. Start with a boy called Christmas.

Church in the morning followed by Christmas lunch. Then off on a little walk to drop treats off to neighbours and friends who are also on their own (you’ll be surprised at how many people spend Christmas Day completely alone) or better still invite a friend or two over to share the day with you.

Also can you take or have someone else take her to buy you a present for her to wrap up ? It would be nice if you could both open presents together

No need to feel lonely OP. There’s you and your two DDs, just have a lovely time together.
Lots of lovely ideas on here OP. Just make a plan - not too complicated or demanding just a simple outline of how you intend to spend the time. Whether that’s a walk around your local area on Christmas Eve enjoying everyone’s Christmas tree lights, followed by PJs on, stockings hung up and a lovely Christmas story and hot chocolate, then maybe a board game. Christmas morning open presents while carols or Christmas songs are playing and then DDs play with toys or do craft activity while you prepare dinner then a lovely Christmas film and snacks/chocolates/cakes. Or whatever works for you.
You and your DDs are enough to make a family Christmas. Enjoy it.

Oh I'm sure she will love whatever you decide to do, but festive cheer does help. Xmas movie nights, festive baking, special Xmas Eve pj's or Xmas Eve box with hot chocolates etc. then xmas day stay in pj's and make a den on floor of living room and have a floor picnic.
Thinking of all this has made me excited for xmas.

Just seen you are near Bristol. We have spent some lovely December days/ evening in Clifton Village and that has always felt festive

Can you travel back to where her dad and your family are for Christmas? If not, then I'm sure she'll be happy as long as you are

I was a single parent for 11 years. I used to do a buffet just for us xmas eve (still do lol)..we would have a bath, get in new Xmas pyjamas and watch an Xmas film.
Xmas day id do dinner, play with her with her toys. Just standard stuff but she loved it x

I would treat yourself to matching pyjamas for Christmas Eve, new dresses for Christmas Day, silly hats for playing games (like the Turkey hats that sing and dance), a lovely movie, play / assemble a new toy of hers. Loads of nice food. Plan something nice for Boxing Day, maybe a fancy meal out in one of the nice hotels in Bristol.

I was a little bit older than your DD but when I was 7 my auntie took me to see the Nutcracker at Christmas and it was absolutely magical.

If you're not strapped for cash I would plan a few treats such as ballet or local days out, whatever is Christmassy and appeals to her interests, perhaps even things that could become an annual Christmas tradition for the two of you if this is what your Christmases are going to be like from now on.

Make sure you decorate properly, fairy lights, advent calendar, nativity scene, all the Christmas things. You could go out to a garden centre or somewhere and let her choose a new Christmas decoration for the tree and do this every year so each year she'll be able to get out all the decorations she chose in previous years and remember what you did that year.

Baking is a great idea, making a gingerbread house would be fun, or making a Christmas cake and decorating it together.

Then on Christmas Day itself I'd wake up and do her stocking, go to church if that's your thing, then go home for lunch and once you've eaten, just hang out in your pyjamas (maybe get matching Christmas ones?) and watch films together. Introduce her to some good Christmas films, maybe stuff like Home Alone or Miracle on 34th Street.

Let her get involved in making the lunch, she can help you choose the vegetables, maybe help you peel the potatoes the night before etc so you have less to prepare on the day but on the day let her help you as much as possible so it's not just you in the kitchen trying to cobble together a Christmas lunch for two whilst she sits alone in front of the TV.

See what you love and what sticks because these will grow into your Christmas traditions. She'll have lovely memories of Christmas being when she and her mum retreated into a beautifully decorated cocoon and ate lovely food and just hung out together.

Loads of lively ideas here . I would include some glow sticks and have a disco once it's dark. My DS loves doing that with me

Longleat Festival of Light is wonderful and driveable from there if you drive, can't do Christmas Day but can do Christmas Eve.

There used to be glow in dark mini golf and ice skating in Bath, not sure if they are still on or you have them as well in Bristol but mine used to love that and a trampoline park.

Other than that make a gingerbread house or some cookies, hot chocolates, nice tree and decorations. Some films together.

I have a DD the same age and I genuinely don’t think she’d feel lonely at all with me all to herself. She’s still little enough that you’re the most important thing in her world.

It could feel lonely for you though, and there are some excellent suggestions on the thread about things to do to help mitigate that.

If your DD would enjoy it, I think the idea of going out for a nice meal would be fun. She and you could dress up in your best and she could order whatever she wanted, even if it was 2 desserts. Especially nice if it can be combined with a little stroll afterwards to look at Xmas lights or decoration. Look and see if there are any areas nearby that go 'all out' with their decorations.

Or you could 'cocoon' together with a fort or a good snuggle in bed, 'comfort' food and snacks and watch TV.

And for some extra fun, maybe Santa could leave some extra 'little' gifts hidden for a mini scavenger hunt.

I've often had Christmas just my child and I. We made our own traditions. They always got to choose the tree and turkey (much too big, maybe get a chicken), decorate the house and make paper chains together. I used to paint pictures on the windows with kiddie paints and snow spray. A new pair of pjs to wear to bed the night before. Lots of presents under the tree - not expensive ones but quantity was a thing for lots of unwrapping (and included clothes that would be useful). 5 is old enough to 'help' cook the Christmas dinner and get involved. At age 6 the favourite (and cheapest!) gift was a bag of marbles.

Where I live the bowling is open for 4 hours on Xmas day. I know because my friend's sister works there. I asked her who goes bowling on Xmas day and she said often couples or single people.

We always go to the park before lunch (as no one leaves the house after lunch in my family on Christmas day, and it dark by the time lunch is over) and there are always other kids in the playground to play with. Occasionally we have organised it so we deliberately bump into school friends to do this.

Hobbycraft had cardboard buildings like cottages or castles. If you get one of these and turn it inside out you could make a gingerbread house or a Christmas castle type thing.

I genuinely mean this kindly, but I think it’s more you than your DD. Kids don’t have that social conditioning yet of a ‘perfect Christmas’ being a parenting goal in life - they just like the cosy atmosphere, the change in routine, the piles of sweets, advent calendars, the lights etc

I have been guilty of this mindset, too, after my kids stopped seeing them one year (and hasn’t since). It’s taken me a few Christmases to realise that the thing that really bothers my children is seeing me be overworked and stressed out. So we aim for fun and silliness, going to see the lights, flasks of hot chocolate, seeing friends, parties.

My kids are of an age now where they don’t genuinely believe in Father Christmas, but they indulge in being silly and getting into it as a make believe/fantasy thing. If we can’t find something around Christmas, we say things like “maybe the elves needed that?” Or “oh no I hope Father Christmas didn’t see me do that!” I also do a little party for a few friends on the last day of term, Christmas treats, mums invited too if they’re cool, mulled wine and Christmas songs on.

I’m not religious at all but we always go to a nativity in a nice church, big walk between presents and dinner too. Now it’s just me and the kids I either do dinner Christmas Eve or I’ll do ready made/ less time consuming food so that they’re not on their own in the day just in a muddle of toys. My ideal is that we all do the building, making, watching telly together without me standing boiling over the oven all day. I also do myself a stocking! Not because I need one, but because my children really love me, and they want to see me have treats too. Again I do a whole jokey thing of ‘ooh how did Father Christmas know I love these bath bombs’ and they sort of eyeroll and laugh but we all buy into it for the craic.

You mentioned your daughter’s safety and I just want to say that you will have a lovely, lovely Christmas, and well done for getting yourself and your daughter into a position of safety and future happiness. I can tell you from experience that the best Christmases ever are the safe and loving ones ❤️