Santa being questioned

[SafariLife]

DD is 9 and DS 6. Last year DD mentioned that some in her class said Santa wasn’t real but I just said “of course he is he’s magical” and she seemed quite happy with that. Fast forward to this year and it’s only Sept but she’s made a few comments already. Mainly when Xmas came up in other conversations rather than raising it herself but she’s mentioned again that some people say Santa isn’t real and more recently said “how do we know it’s not you and dad buying things and storing them in the loft”. I think this comes from school too (we don’t use loft for a start)

So my dilemma is do I:
a) sit and tell her outright Santa isn’t real. I mean I think she likely knows but also not sure if she’s seeking permission to still believe and enjoy the experience
b) say something to show she can still believe like Santa is magic and mummy wouldn’t buy her that etc (any idea?!)

Second issue is each comment was said in front of DS6 who listened and asked what she was talking about. Very firmly believes and I don’t want DD9 questions unintentionally ruining their Santa belief.

(Also I’m just really am not ready for her not to beleive. 9 seems to young 😢)

It’s so tricky isn’t it especially with little siblings.

I think I’d find out what people have said and what the context was at school. For example if she’s questioning it because she now feels childish around friends who all don’t believe, or does she as you said possibly want you to reassure her?

Maybe as she is slightly older you can say that Santa is part of choosing to believe in magic, or the wonderful random acts of kindness/ everyday special moments. For some that’s Santa coming and delivering presents and for others it’s the magical feeling that Christmas time brings as a whole. That each person can find magic in Christmas but as people get older they choose what bits of magic are important to them? Maybe ask her is she’ll help you keep the magic of santas story alive for her little sibling and let her be “in” on making magic for him now she’s bigger?

I totally agree it feels like kids are younger and younger now - my niece is 7 and found out from school that he wasn’t real but she helps us making magic for my DS and her other cousins. Equally you don’t want them teased or feeling silly when they find out either. Such a minefield!

Just tell her .

I read a quote somewhere about once you stop believing in Santa, you can start being him (bringing Xmas magic to those who still believe)

9 seems quite old to still believe to me. My 8 year old didn't really believe last year, when she was still 7. So now it's more a game of "Santa doesn't bring presents to people who don't believe". The main thing to do is to make sure that they don't tell other children who might still believe. We had a family that "wouldn't lie to their children" locally and their reception age child told the rest of the class that Santa wasn't real. It caused massive issues amongst the parents.

9 is quite old to believe. I would tell her without her sister being there and drum into her the importance of pretending that it's all true when in the company of younger children.

If you don't tell her now then you're going to have to tell her before secondary school anyway. Is it worth it for an extra Christmas or two?

I think you’ve done really well to get to 9 and that’s lovely. It’s a tricky balance now because of school - she may still want your permission to believe but if she trusts you and then loses face among her peers that will be humiliating.

If they could just come to the awareness in their own time, it would be better, but short of complete isolation that’s not really possible.

What I would suggest is that you take her off by herself, and get her talking by asking pertinent questions like “why would mums and dads do that?”, or “what do you think?” and gauge where she’s at. At this stage I wouldn’t confirm too much; just a mild acknowledgement and change the topic. But if she’s figuring it out, show a little pride in her big girl reasoning skills, and cleverness. And then recruit her to help with her little db, and never to tell other dc (I told mine that it’s really a conversation to have with their dps).

We made a decision to keep up the “Santa game” in our house even after they no longer believed, so it wasn’t a drastic change. And even though I was horrified at the time, the post-Santa years were much less stressful as I wasn’t afraid of saying the wrong thing, a last minute change of mind, getting caught on Christmas Eve etc. We’re currently transitioning into teen Christmas which is a whole other story.

My DC who are now teens told me they knew fairly early on that Santa wasn't real but kept pretending he was so they'd keep getting presents.

I have a 9 and 5yr old. Eldest mentioned that some non believers on religious grounds said he wasn’t real but I passed it off. I think he’s teetering on the edge but probably has another year in him.
I would be on the side that tries and gets another year out of them.

I've always told my son he's something we choose to believe in because it is fun. He's 5.

At coming up to 9, dd1 told me in very matter of fact tones, that she knew Father Christmas was me and daddy so I might as well admit it.

So I did - with the usual warnings about not spoiling it for other children.

Years later - she was early 20s - she told me she’d been dying for me to deny it, so she could go on believing a little longer!

I did so wish I had!

I think I’d try and get through one more Christmas of believing and then tell her truth next year. That’s what I did when ds was 9. I’m pretty sure he knew deep down but I fobbed him off one more year. Last Xmas however he came straight out with ‘I know it’s you and dad’ so I said yes it is and his eyes filled with tears- felt awful! But also thought that at 10, he did need it confirming!! Youngest is 8 and has never questioned it- she believes in all things magic. I’ll probably be having to break it to her before high school at this rate!

I think there's a path between telling her and not telling her - I have had this with my eldest and usually bat the question back with a question, politician style, and then say something like, "either way, let's not talk about whether Santa is real in front of the little ones, it might upset them".

I had this question from 8 year old DD last week, and I could tell by the look on her face that she already had suspicions. So we (well, DH - I felt a bit gutted!) told her that Santa might be real (as there are so many stories about him), but that adults pretend to be Santa to bring a bit of magic to the world, and that now she knows the secret, she can also be part of the magic.

Also emphasised that she mustn’t tell anyone else, especially younger children! She’s an only child so we don’t have the sibling issue.

I think at age 9, your daughter is old enough to find out. From chatting to the other parents, I know that other children in DD’s class are asking similar questions or already know (she’s in Year 4), so it seems to be the time they figure it out!

Sorry for late reply haven’t had chance to check back after posting. Thank you al so so much for the really great and detailed replies! Knew I could rely on this lovely Christmas board.

I’m still not quite sure what to do but think some gentle chats with her if she brings up again will help me decide if I need to get her to “play along” for another year or if I confirm this year. We’ll always still ‘do Santa’ even when they teens and older and know it’s us but it’s whether to confirm it’s us this year or not. Lots of good thoughts for me to co sided thank you. Also like the line, "either way, let's not talk about whether Santa is real in front of the little ones, it might upset them". I will be using that whatever happens.

Thanks all. I think if I’m honest part of it is also not wanting to admit my eldest has got so old and trying to hold onto the younger years a bit more as it seems to be flying in too quickly 😢

I don’t ever remember my mum confirming about santa, I know mine questioned it but we never gave a yes or a no answer. We always told them to believe what’ they want to believe regarding santa.

At her age, I would have a chat with her and tell her that yes, he's not physically real but it's a lovely legend for kids and get her involved in creating the magic for DS. She's had a good innings.

My DS is 9 in December and he still believes. He is also looking forward to his elf arriving on 1st! Until he starts questioning me, I am keeping schtum! (Secretly hoping he doesn't ask me until he's 38 🤣)

9 is a perfectly normal age to question/find out/stop believing though I appreciate that's hard with a younger sibling. In my experience though they're usually ok with having their suspicions confirmed but still playing along - its still nice to wake up on Christmas morning to find "he's been"

9 is old. She probably doesn’t really believe anymore. You don’t have to have some sit down chat laying it all out. Just don’t tell any lies and let her come to her own conclusions. If she asks ‘Who buys the presents?’ ask her back who she thinks it is and don’t contradict her.

My 6 year old asked a couple of weeks ago, in front of 9 year old sibling. Was the second time he'd asked - he's a v practical kid. "I don't understand how one man can get to all children in 192 countries in one night"

I told them straight up that Santa isn't real but the story is based on Sinterklaus and told of many years etc.

He said "so you lied?" 😂 and I explained that I'd felt like that too but it was tradition... I'm not a v Christmassy person tbh.

They're both totally fine with it - but I said not to spoil it for their friends. They did also twig that it was me paying for everything, hence why they can't have literally anything for Xmas! Am v glad we had the convo.