Page 2 | What age did you enjoy Christmas?

lunaalice · 2023-08-21T13:01:55+00:00

As a child - Hated it. I'm autistic. My mum used to tell me to look happy when I was given a gift as you could tell by my face I didn't like it. Strangely I was often ill too. Looking back I was probably over whelmed. Teen - 20's - Felt pressure to do something Christmas and NYE. Never wanted to see anyone. Usually spent time with my mum abs grandparents or siblings. Mid 20 - Late 20's - Met now Husband. Stressed as he is very social with a lot of friends and I never knew if and when I would see him. Spent every Christmas Day together with my family. Late 20's-Late 30's - Trying to book events / trips for the kids. Seeing Santa / School party / school concert. Elf on the shelf / Christmas Eve boxes. Buying crap kids don't need. Only now at 39 have things slightly calmed.

Loafbeginsat60 · 21/08/2023 22:41

I've always loved it - as a child, young adult and parent

However now my dc go to their dads every second Christmas and I really don't like spending it without them. I have a lovely dh and dss but they tend to want to have a curry and a drink if the dc are away and that makes it even less Christmassy.

Rob3bob · 22/08/2023 13:45

Like PP, didn’t like it as a child. Parents abusive and unloving.

Enjoyed the few years in my 20s and 30s when I was single and did my own thing.

Im 39 now and have loved it for the past few years (I know have an almost 4 year old). As a family we’ve worked together to create something we all enjoy.

Darcy86 · 22/08/2023 14:37

I have always enjoyed it but have probably found it more stressful since I've become the adult 😂 as a kid it was magical and we always spent it with my cousins, aunts/uncles and grandparents so had lots of fun - put on shows etc!

In my late teens and twenties I loved the partying and our family gatherings always ended in singing and dancing.

Now in my late 30s, my husband works shifts and sometimes isn't around at Christmas which I find quite hard, especially since we had a child. He is 2yo so he hasn't quite 'got" it yet but even so I've enjoyed doing some Christmas light trails and father Xmas experiences with him - hoping he'll get it a bit more this year, although he'll have a brand new baby brother in the mix as well so don't want to plan too much on the lead up!

Still find it a lovely time of year overall, just wish my husband didn't have to miss out on lots of it!

YuliaJollyberry · 23/08/2023 02:23

I’ve always enjoyed it. Even the mid twenties to early thirty years when dh and I always went on holiday and had turkey butties on the beach. I have very fond memories of fabulous childhood Christmas’s. And now we host and I love it.

LBFseBrom · 23/08/2023 03:10

I liked it very much up until I was eleven.

Charrington · 23/08/2023 06:15

@lunaalice Christmas can be a bit of a nightmare when you have autism. I don’t think you should feel bad about feeling bad. Layering guilt on top of sensory overwhelm is unfair.

Ds is autistic and it’s made me think very carefully about how we celebrate, and why. I’m adhd which can be a bad combination for Christmas as I want all the things! Focusing on the why, has helped me figure out what things are really important and ds enjoying it and having a good time is right up there for me. Not pretending, or masking, or covering up distress.

I’ve had to let go of some of my own entrenched ideas (funny how deeply they take hold) of what is fun, eg looking at Christmas lights hurts his eyes and he gets nervous when driving around without a clear destination and plan! He needs his food to stay the same - it’s not fun or exciting to have new tastes.

The thing is that he’s not a killjoy - and he’s not trying to spoil it for anyone else. He’s just a kid having a hard time. Over the years we’ve settled into a pattern of low key, highly predictable rituals and we lean towards hygge rather than the traditional commercial go-go-go.

We slow right down, avoid crowds and shops, go to a select few events, make the house cosy, and any activities (crafts, baking, film, meals) can be opt in/opt out with no repercussions.

Do you have a sense of what your ideal Christmas would be like op? It really sounds like it’s time you prioritised your own needs, after 39 years of twisting yourself to fit other people’s expectations. I’m quite angry at the thought of you getting sick from overwhelm as a child! You deserve to enjoy Christmas in whatever form works for you.

SpiritedSneeze · 23/08/2023 07:59

I liked the some of it as a child, seeing lights outside and school doing christmassy stuff.
Home wasn't great so we never did any actual christmas stuff like a tree or presents, just a lot of bitter drunk adults. Also crappy as a late teenager, still liked the idea of it and the season but it was like christmas was for other people.

When I was out of there in my 20s and now my 30s with my daughter it is brilliant, especially when she was little it was so fun getting to make it all magic and do all the things I had seen but never got to do.
We get to have traditions and go and see all the lights and the flat stays warm and we get to have a christmas tree. I love wrapping presents too.

Bigdoglittledog2 · 23/08/2023 08:03

Iv always loved it and I still love it now.

boobot1 · 23/08/2023 08:16

Always loved it, still do. So much so my Christmas starts in November!

CrazyBaubles · 23/08/2023 10:26

I enjoyed it right up until my late 20s.
As a child my family were amazing at making it magical. My dad gets really into it with lots of puzzles, games, Christmas lights drives etc.
As a teen it changed so we had parties (and I could sneak some booze) so they were fun, and once I moved out, Christmas became a mix of family and friend parties.

Late 20s, both my sister and DHs sister had children. Then there was a lot of pressure from both sides of the family to them so there a few years of lots of driving, lots of stress etc.

Started enjoying it again at 30 when DH convinced me to try a Christmas abroad. It's amazing, no pressure, we can be busy or lazy, search out a Turkey dinner or have a chinese etc.
We go every other year and means we appreciate our Christmases at home more too - plus it's broken the pattern of us being expected at either family.

JusthereforXmas · 23/08/2023 17:37

LOVED it as a child... we had the best Xmases. My favorite childhood memories.

That died around 12, we moved in with step dad and he HATED xmas and made it his mission to ruin it for everyone else. If he wasn't happy no one was allowed to be and he wasn't ever happy.

Between 12 and 20 it sucked... at 20 I had my oldest DS and it was super exciting again.

I suffered infertility and we tried for years and had a pregnancy loss when DS was 6, their always felt like someone missing. At 8 DS stopped wanting toys and stuff and the magic really wained again. When he was 11 and we finally had his sibling... the magic is back now for all of us. The joy of little kids, feeling the house isn't empty and my oldest playing with his siblings (an excuse to act like a big kid and boy does he).

Theirs something about young kids that just make Xmas and 'adult' Xmas to me is stuff we can do any day of the year. Once our kids fly the nest and no longer want xmas with us I think we'll go away on holiday. I don't want a 'xmas' without kids around but a holiday on the beach is probably good at any time of year.

JusthereforXmas · 23/08/2023 17:47

Charrington · 23/08/2023 06:15

@lunaalice Christmas can be a bit of a nightmare when you have autism. I don’t think you should feel bad about feeling bad. Layering guilt on top of sensory overwhelm is unfair.

Ds is autistic and it’s made me think very carefully about how we celebrate, and why. I’m adhd which can be a bad combination for Christmas as I want all the things! Focusing on the why, has helped me figure out what things are really important and ds enjoying it and having a good time is right up there for me. Not pretending, or masking, or covering up distress.

I’ve had to let go of some of my own entrenched ideas (funny how deeply they take hold) of what is fun, eg looking at Christmas lights hurts his eyes and he gets nervous when driving around without a clear destination and plan! He needs his food to stay the same - it’s not fun or exciting to have new tastes.

The thing is that he’s not a killjoy - and he’s not trying to spoil it for anyone else. He’s just a kid having a hard time. Over the years we’ve settled into a pattern of low key, highly predictable rituals and we lean towards hygge rather than the traditional commercial go-go-go.

We slow right down, avoid crowds and shops, go to a select few events, make the house cosy, and any activities (crafts, baking, film, meals) can be opt in/opt out with no repercussions.

Do you have a sense of what your ideal Christmas would be like op? It really sounds like it’s time you prioritised your own needs, after 39 years of twisting yourself to fit other people’s expectations. I’m quite angry at the thought of you getting sick from overwhelm as a child! You deserve to enjoy Christmas in whatever form works for you.

My mam was autistic and LOVE Xmas... she was like a real life Santa. The most generous and giving person and would turn the house into basically the toy workshop.

My oldest has autism and while hes not the most materialistic he genuinely loves the traditions. We added even more just for him.

I have neurological issues (not ADHD but a lot of shared symptoms) as does YDS and we both loves Xmas, although he can get a bit hyped up.

I do wonder if its because of the way we do things. Its always JUST us, no other guests so there no 'performance' necessary and we can just be 100% ourselves around each other. The makes it really laid back.

Honestly big family Xmases sound super exhausting to me. I think catering to other adults was the misery for me in my late teens. Felt like being forced to tap dancing across egg shells.

ShortColdandGrey · 23/08/2023 17:50

I have enjoyed Christmas for as long as I can remember. I still love it and have a daughter who loves it just as much, or more than I do

Original poster

lunaalice · 24/08/2023 00:24

Charrington · 23/08/2023 06:15

@lunaalice Christmas can be a bit of a nightmare when you have autism. I don’t think you should feel bad about feeling bad. Layering guilt on top of sensory overwhelm is unfair.

Ds is autistic and it’s made me think very carefully about how we celebrate, and why. I’m adhd which can be a bad combination for Christmas as I want all the things! Focusing on the why, has helped me figure out what things are really important and ds enjoying it and having a good time is right up there for me. Not pretending, or masking, or covering up distress.

I’ve had to let go of some of my own entrenched ideas (funny how deeply they take hold) of what is fun, eg looking at Christmas lights hurts his eyes and he gets nervous when driving around without a clear destination and plan! He needs his food to stay the same - it’s not fun or exciting to have new tastes.

The thing is that he’s not a killjoy - and he’s not trying to spoil it for anyone else. He’s just a kid having a hard time. Over the years we’ve settled into a pattern of low key, highly predictable rituals and we lean towards hygge rather than the traditional commercial go-go-go.

We slow right down, avoid crowds and shops, go to a select few events, make the house cosy, and any activities (crafts, baking, film, meals) can be opt in/opt out with no repercussions.

Do you have a sense of what your ideal Christmas would be like op? It really sounds like it’s time you prioritised your own needs, after 39 years of twisting yourself to fit other people’s expectations. I’m quite angry at the thought of you getting sick from overwhelm as a child! You deserve to enjoy Christmas in whatever form works for you.

Aw thank you.

Your son is lucky to have you. I was diagnosed at 35 and so growing up I was just labelled as awkward and shy. DH and both DD's are loud in your face people so no matter what I / we did I'd still have the noise lol xx

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