How to make Christmas fun (with ill health)

[NCembarassed]

My Ex and I alternate Christmas. It's my year.

The original plan was to take DC on a short break (I've always wanted to see the Northern Lights), but financial circs have changed so I will have v.little money for the next 6m (minimum). I'm going to struggle to pay bills.

I also have several long-term health issues which mean low/no energy and they are getting worse. Also limited mobility.

How can I make it special for DC? Eldest is a stereotypical uninvolved grumpy YA. Youngest will be studying for exams in Jan.

I usually focus on making special food for the whole school holiday. But I'm struggling with tiredness, pain and crutches. No help, just me.

We celebrate Jokobokoflod - that's one of our favourite things. DC love to see what I've chosen for them.

Otherwise I hate Christmas Eve, from one of my favourite days it is now inextricably linked with loss and awful memories. I always have to put on a bright face, when I just want to hide away. One of our local churches runs a 'blue Christmas' service, midweek & mid-month for anyone who finds the season difficult. If it's on, I plan to go.

I try to get DC a nice advent calendar each, and try to celebrate Epiphany as it's significant for me.

I put together Christmas stockings for DC, and we celebrate St Nicholas's Day on Dec 6. I forgot to remind them last year, so we were a few days late! They got their sweets in the end.

I was thinking about getting that Cards Against Humanity to play with my teenager and sister’s family (or the adults in it anyway)

I think I’d try to involve them both in making the food with you. Be honest with them that you’re in pain and need their help and turn it into a festive bake off (or equivalent) if they respond to a bit of brotherly competition. Winner gets sweets and bragging rights and you can supervise/teach them.

Sorry not trying to derail but what is jokobokoflod?

Not the same and apologies if it's insensitive but the year DH was dying, he couldn't get out of his chair and I was doing all his personal care. It was also covid so we couldn't see anyone.

DCs, then mid teens decided they were going to be in charge of dinner and because I was barely coping, I let them. They did the shopping with an unlimited budget got some iver complex recipes from You Tube and a very lavish dinner was produced.

We sat around the table with DH in his chair nearby and we chatted and laughed. DH died the following year after a very traumatic illness, which we nursed him through at home. That Chistmas is the last rime I remember seeing DS2 happy and enjoying himself. It really was lovely.

@gettingoldisshit Jolabokoflod (I got the spelling wrong in my OP) was created by the Icelandic book industry, to encourage reading and to celebrate the end of paper rationing after WW2. More info here.

Someone gives you a new/secondhand book on Christmas Eve. You then read some/all, while indulging in hot chocolate. We choose nice biscuits too.

My DC and I get really excited by this. I spend ages researching what books to get and they get very invested in guessing book/author/genre. We have no connection to Iceland, but I felt a need to make some of our own traditions (especially after their dad left), so we have borrowed this one.

Love the book idea!

Have you asked your dc what it is that makes Christmas for them? Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without …..?

The answers to this can be surprising and if they include specific food, then you know you can ease back on other dishes and just focus on those ones.

Tell us more about the lovely food you make. I agree with PPs about getting the dc involved (although the secret can be to relax control and accept they’ll do it differently) and I’d even argue that putting in some of the work makes it more special for them.

You may be able to cut corners on some things. We always decorate a gingerbread house- some years I bake from scratch, but on harder years I pick up a kit in ikea or tiger.

One of my Christmas tricks is to set the table with a cloth, and use Christmas themed dishes and napkins between Christmas Eve and epiphany. The food doesn’t vary that much from usual (ds is autistic and very restrictive) but it still feels special.

You could try some new games, my boys ( now adult) liked different versions of Trivial Pursuit, you can get Harry Potter or other themed ones. They've also enjoyed escape games, you can buy them online and then you download and print, and can get clues from the website.
You could all decide to become masters of a particular game, eg backgammon or chess, or learn a new skill together, maybe photography or something like that? Get them to teach you how to play whatever online game they play.
Make a plan with films and boxed sets, get them to help with food plan and shopping and cooking. Teens are difficult , lots of them won't want to do the things that you do with small children to make it fun, but might they be pleased to visit or host friends and family?

You mentioned hot chocolate above - there's a thread about creating a hot chocolate 'station' - basically a tray with lots of bits and pieces for making hot chocolate special
chocolate station www.mumsnet.com/Talk/christmas/4881807-hot-chocolate-station

My DC used to love the opportunity to have things they weren't allowed the rest of the year -chocolate cereal, Nutella, selection boxes for breakfast (bit of a chocolate theme there!)

Only stipulation was that we spent the day together.: played games, watched a film etc

Let them suggest food / snacks and ask what would make the day special for them