Sisters

[jabberwocky59]

Hi everyone
I am new to the group.
I am festering on a problem and I am hurting.

My sister is my dearest of sisters. She looks after me from a distant. When we were kids she had so many friends, and do to our parents moving us from school to school, I found it hard to make friends. I felt I was a boring person to be with.

When I went to college and work, I started to get friends, really good true friends and friends that will be there for me at all times. Some have adopted me as their sisters ( My real sister doesn't know this!)

I see my friends weekly and monthly but only see my sister twice a year. She has many activities and has a very busy life. She is joined at the hip ro her husband. Will only ring me if he is occupied with his own hobbies. She says that she cannot find any decent friends within her social activity groups. If she could unemesh herself from her husband, she would find friends.

My husband knows friendships are important to me and allows me time to see my friends. He is good understanding man.

Earlier last year, my sister invited is for Christmas as it would be just us 4. Usually we stay with my frail mother in law. But her other grand daughters offered to look after her for Christmas.

As December got closer, my sister said did I mind if her son, his Muslim partner (non practising) and their 2 boys, join us for Christmas.

She said as I didn't have any grandkids, I could play with hers!
I said ok, as they are lovely boys.
All are vegan and vegetarian.

I was told no bacon or gammon, to respect the daughter in law. I was allowed turkey.

I thought she would buy a turkey crown, as I love turkey. But she bought a tiny turkey breast in a tin.

There was nothing left for us on Boxing Day.

Then on Boxing Day she informed me that she and the daughter in law were going to do a stained glass course in Spring time. She showed me all the course materials.

I felt slapped in the face, as we were going to do a stained glass course together and now she had arranged it with her daughter in law. I felt let down about Christmas and wanted to go home.

I cried when I got home. Maybe as she had so few friends, she wants to do things with her daughter in law. Thats the only thing I can think off.

I have been stewing on this for weeks!
Is there something wrong with me?
Please help me move on 🙏

Yanbu to be upset about the stained-glass thing and the fact that your sister doesn’t seem to have much time for you (although you do sound a little needy - does she even know how you feel?)

BUT! What on earth has all the Muslim stuff got to do with anything? You come across very bigoted.

I don’t understand the turkey thing. You’re saying she should have bought enough turkey for you to have leftovers on Boxing Day? Why? Presumably they served something else on Boxing Day, you weren’t left to starve?

The stained glass thing is a shame and yes a bit hurtful although I think saying you felt slapped in the face is a bit dramatic. Did she forget you had planned to do it together?

I am not bigoted as I have very strict muslim friends and they said that they would always eat with people, who ate pork.
My sister lost her son 4 years ago, and he is the prodigal son, so she will do anything to keep him close. I understand this as I would be mortified if my daughter left me out of her life.

But I gave up a Christmas with my mother in law, which made my husband sad. And my sister begged us to come to stay. As soon as my nephew's family arrived, we were 2nd rate and we came home and had lost 2lbs as we were hungry.

We have said never again. My niece has said that they will do anything and everything to pander to my nephew, so he doesn't abandon them again.

I feel sad that we are not so close and she has to do everthing to apease them.

I am blessed that I have kind friends to back me up when I am low and have medical problems.

Nothing but vegetarian and vegan nut roasts for Boxing Day. We were hungary

No I haven't told her
We are due to have our annual sisters weekend in Feb.

Should I tell her then? I don't want to spoil our weekend in case I upset her.

I have always been the peacemaker in the family.
She fell out with our parents and blamed them for a lot of her problems 😔

Did they treat you poorly in any way other than only having vegetarian food? Because at the moment you're coming across like you're complaining about very little.

I can't for the life of me think why your sister only sees you twice a year, you sound like very hard work.

There must be more to this that is included in the post, because so far her crimes are:

• bought too small a bit of turket that there wasn't any left after the meal it was bought for
• booked an activity with someone else that she'd once said would do with you

You are doing yourself (and maybe her) far more damage by hanging onto these trivial slights than any damage she could have done by buying the wrong sized turkey joint.

You lost two pounds because although there was lots of food provided you didn’t eat meat for a couple of days? This doesn’t make sense.

There are so many posts at the moment which I can’t work out are trolls or if the OP is definitely being unreasonable.

Sadly she doesn't make the effort
We speak twice a week on WhatsApp

She said that she hasn't any friends

I am very social and love my friends

She travels a lot with her husband but not down south!

He likes to travel abroad a lot
You are right
I am making a mountain out of a molehill

Thanks for your words of wisdom 👍

Twice a week on WhatsApp sounds quite a lot to me. I don't understand these families that need to be joined at the hip.

I am making a mountain out of a molehill

Kindly - you are, really. They did cook special food for you on Christmas Day; I wouldn’t cook a whole crown either if only a couple of people were going to be eating it, as I’m not someone who enjoys leftovers. They were having a vegetarian Christmas, by the sound of it - but they catered for you. It’s a shame you didn’t enjoy the vegetarian Boxing Day food, but not the end of the world, surely? I’m not vegetarian, but I’d cope for a couple of days and enjoy the fact that someone had cooked for me.

The stained glass thing is perhaps more hurtful if she’d forgotten your plans, but could she have been showing you because she knew you were interested in a “going here, we could go too at a later date” way? No reason you couldn’t go twice with different people if you enjoy it? Could you say to her that you’d like to go too and you’d like to hear what she thought of it etc?

Have you ever thought that perhaps she really likes her DIL , you sound a bit envious to me that your sister has found someone else to play with .