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Original poster

How do people manage sleeping arrangements?

84 replies

Clouds3898 · 31/12/2022 19:30

This year we travelled to the other side of the country with a toddler and a baby to spend Christmas with my husband's wider family. There were 20 people at his Nan's on Christmas day so we stayed in a rented house nearby. The logistics didn't really work v well - lots of back and forth, managing baby's naps, nowhere to sit, v cramped etc. It was v stressful and then took 10 hours to get back on Tuesday due to a combo of awful traffic and stopping for baby feeds, toddler toilet trips etc

Next year we've decided to stay at home. Because it's my family's year we will invite my parents to stay so they will sleep in our spare room. To keep the peace we thought we'd invite DH's immediate family - mum, sis and bro in law too but there's no space at ours for them to stay. There's local accommodation - premier Inn (15 mins walk away) and Airbnb flats etc v local within a few minutes walk. But then they have to do the crap staying somewhere else thing we've done this year. Is that just what people do at Christmas? Growing up my family all lived nearby so we just went for the day

OP posts:
CeeceeBloomingdale · 31/12/2022 21:44

We all just stay in our own houses for Christmas and meet up separately on other days. I can't imagine being in the same room as 20 other people in someone's house.

Generalstuff42023 · 31/12/2022 21:52

My family would not be able to afford hotels.

But my visitors would always get a proper bed. No fold outs. Inflatable beds . Or sleeping on the sofa. My kids and myself will go Sleep on fold outs/sofas . Because they are our guests . I don't understand people that talk about putting someone in their 80s on a blow up beds .

VivaVivaa · 31/12/2022 21:56

Im unsure why, if you’ve spent Christmas with DH’s family this year, you need to invite them next year as well, when it’s your families year, to ‘keep the peace’. That sounds a bit bonkers, especially if space is an issue.

Tallulasdancingshoes · 31/12/2022 22:05

I’d have just your family for Christmas and then dh family for new year.

MadMadMadamMim · 31/12/2022 22:06

We do not invite people to stay unless there is room for them. We don't go to stay with others unless there is room for us.

Seriously - DH and I have families who live 400 miles apart. We now stay at him DMs as she has a spare bedroom for us. When we took children with us we stayed in a local Premier Inn.

It's awful staying crammed in someplace where there isn't enough room for you to sleep peacefully. I never want to share a bed with a child, thanks and I'm far too old and fat to kip on a sofa. I cannot think of anything worse.

IET · 31/12/2022 22:09

I would not really like to spend any number of nights in the same house as my entire extended family. We never do this and never did as DCs. My sister stays with us occasionally but that's about it. However, we do live within driving distance of in-laws so we see them on the day without having to get the sofa bed (or tent!) out.

WickedStepmomNOT · 31/12/2022 22:20

We drove down Boxing Day to Portsmouth and my oh and 13 year old stayed in a travelodge and me and my 6 year old ended up sharing a two seater sofa (despite my parents having a second bedroom unused).

@stridesy why did you share a 2-seat sofa if your parents have a spare bedroom?

converseandjeans · 31/12/2022 22:23

Just have your family Christmas Day then see DH family Boxing Day.

Premier Inn or Travelodge.

Trying to squeeze people in overnight with not enough beds sounds stressful.

ThingsChristmasJumper · 31/12/2022 22:34

It’s hard if family aren’t local and it gets worse when the kids are teens rather than little people who fit in travel cots or in ready beds. Both travelling to others and having people here when my kids older kids no longer want to give up their rooms. There isn’t an easy solution if paying for hotels or airb&bs isn’t an option.

RomainingCalm · 31/12/2022 22:48

I would have your family to stay next year and make arrangements to see DH's family either before or after Christmas. Why make things more difficult and/or uncomfortable than needed.

I sometimes wonder whether people are sucked in to the 'fantasy Christmas' on adverts of a huge extended family all smiling and laughing around the table when the reality is people sleeping on the sofa, sitting on the floor, sharing one bathroom, no breathing space and overtired kids (and adults).

Agree with a PP that it might be fun for a night if everyone knows what to expect but not for any longer.

MysteryBelle · 31/12/2022 22:54

Hotel room.

After many years of being uncomfortable staying over at others’ houses or others staying over with us, I prefer to not do either again.

It is much nicer for everyone to have the privacy, comfort, and freedom of their own home, or a hotel room when visiting. Everyone can pay for their own accommodations (unless you need to pay for your financially strapped parent or similar) or stay home. That also cuts down on people overstaying their welcome.

Nishky32 · 31/12/2022 22:59

Yeah we loved it - have slept on all sorts- classic was nephew on a fold up bed in the hall ( he was about 11)

never for more than a couple of nights. I love the #duvetknowitschristmas on Twitter

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 31/12/2022 23:09

Very few people have space to accommodate extended family.
These boards are full of threads about ridiculous/unacceptable sleeping arrangements and sitting on the floor at this time of year.

Catsstillrock · 31/12/2022 23:10

Simplify. Only have people to stay that you can comfortably accommodate. And set a strict three night limit. That’s enough to be a guest or host.

’big’ xmases are performative for adults and grandparents. Some trophy of ‘having everyone together’. They’re overwhelming for young kids even if there’s room. Which is sounds like there isn’t.

if I were you I’d set a new habit of one year your family one year your DHs.

host every year if you want to. But if you don’t I’d change up the visiting to make it work for you.

i strongly agree the big family get together at a different time is better fun and less stress.

we have several families with kids under 10 and about 1 hours apart. We decided not to get together on Xmas day. Performative dragging the kids into cars. It’s not what they want.

we shared out the grandparents and did our big get together for an afternoon another day.

put yourself and your kids first.

InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits · 31/12/2022 23:12

We host all the families, together, very little choice in the matter for various reasons.

We give up our bedroom. We allocate the biggest bedroom for all the “kids” - used to be easier to fit them in as the majority of them are now adult size but we can fit six in one room at the mo with a combo of camp beds and floor nests.

Elderly relatives get our room. We have a single and a trundle in another room for another couple. All the sofas are sofa beds so another family or couple gets the dining room sofa and another the living room sofa . One branch of the family have a caravan and park it outside, so they have their own space. We borrow chairs and set up the most ridiculous dining table extension arrangement with a workbench and a huge piece of plywood…

In the past week I have slept on a sofa one night, on a blow up bed in the garage and last night on a duvet on the floor of the living room. It’s fine now as we are the young ones (40s) by the time I’m the elderly relatives I hope to have earned the bed back again.

stridesy · 31/12/2022 23:33

They moved in August and havnt yet got the room ready. I’m not optimistic it will be cleared next year either. My mum is a hoarder.

twilightcafe · 31/12/2022 23:36

Caravans? Tents? In December? Confused

No, thank you. I'm 50 and I need a decent bed.

I book in at the nearest Premier Inn if me, DH and DC are staying with my rellies as there simply isn't enough room for us all, and I do not want to spend Xmas day and night in one room.

Original poster
Clouds3898 · 31/12/2022 23:36

InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits · 31/12/2022 23:12

We host all the families, together, very little choice in the matter for various reasons.

We give up our bedroom. We allocate the biggest bedroom for all the “kids” - used to be easier to fit them in as the majority of them are now adult size but we can fit six in one room at the mo with a combo of camp beds and floor nests.

Elderly relatives get our room. We have a single and a trundle in another room for another couple. All the sofas are sofa beds so another family or couple gets the dining room sofa and another the living room sofa . One branch of the family have a caravan and park it outside, so they have their own space. We borrow chairs and set up the most ridiculous dining table extension arrangement with a workbench and a huge piece of plywood…

In the past week I have slept on a sofa one night, on a blow up bed in the garage and last night on a duvet on the floor of the living room. It’s fine now as we are the young ones (40s) by the time I’m the elderly relatives I hope to have earned the bed back again.

Absolutely not. I am never giving up my bed for anyone. Bugger that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Clouds3898 · 31/12/2022 23:38

I have never woken up on Christmas morning in a holiday house before. Hadn't realised how much I would feel emotional about it. It was just so faceless and sad!

OP posts:
MassiveSalad22 · 31/12/2022 23:47

Up til now we’ve either been home at ours some which is lush honestly, or travelled to my parents’ where there are 3 spare double bedrooms.

Next year we will hopefully have our extension done and was thinking if we can fit everyone in but will be a squeeze. We have a mix of:

bunk beds
1x sofa bed
1x dova play sofa which makes up to a comfy double bed
single Z bed
single bed
plus a garden office someone could go in.

So could technically sleep 10, and there are 10 in our family plus baby in the cot. So just about works! Plus floor space.

MassiveSalad22 · 31/12/2022 23:47

Also local hotels which my parents would probably go for. Don’t blame them! I love being in my own house at Christmas.

WaddleAway · 31/12/2022 23:52

If it’s your family’s year, why do you have to invite your DH’s family? Surely that defeats the object of taking turns?
DH’s family live abroad. If they want to come for Christmas they have to book an air bnb as we don’t have room for them to stay. If they don’t want to stay in an air bnb then they don’t come.

Forever42 · 31/12/2022 23:57

I wouldn't invite people if there wasn't enough room. I would have your family a couple of days before Christmas until Boxing Day, then of you feel the need to have your DH's family too they come between Christmas and New Year.

ISawFreeShips · 01/01/2023 05:48

Well, you don't have to invite them at all.

How did they get 20 into their house? Do they live in a mansion or did they squeeze people into living rooms etc? Just give them the choice of squeezing in similarly or booking a hotel and see what they prefer. I'd prefer a hotel myself. Your parents might too, so ask them - that would be an easy way to free up the spare room. I'm not sure about the 2 tier system - if you are going to invite them, don't treat them as second class guests.

Our usual method of squeezing 3 extra adults in would be either to move both our kids onto our floor and give their bedrooms to the guests, or move both our kids into one of their rooms and put someone in the other child's room and another on the sofa or cube bed thing in the living room. Generally will try to give the oldest guests proper beds. I wouldn't rule out giving up our bed, but it wouldn't make much sense when our room can hold all 4 of us. It's a bit annoying having a toddler in with us if they wake early, but we manage in hotel rooms so it's perfectly doable for a couple of nights.

Whatifthegrassisblue · 01/01/2023 06:24

Mattresses on the floor

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