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Original poster

No gifts

24 replies

PirateHead · 29/12/2022 01:26

I'm used to waking up on Christmas morning with limited gifts (solo parent) but this year, I literally woke up to no gifts on Christmas day. I have 3 kids (1 adult not at home) & 3 grandchildren. I spent about a grand all in on friends, family, kids, grandkids. Boxing day I got underwear and pyjamas from my Mum & a bottle of gin 🙂. I know I sound like I'm totally entitled, but Christmas just made me feel unimportant & undervalued, like I don't matter.

OP posts:
PenguinLove1 · 29/12/2022 01:44

Sorry that sounds a bit rubbish. How old are your kids? Ive they are over 16 then id be having a chat about it with them, thats so rude

gillybean2 · 29/12/2022 02:10

Santa always leaves me a couple of gifts. As a single parent it was the only way I got a gift until my ds was old enough to go shopping and choose something himself. He’s an adult now but Santa still leaves us both something under the tree.

Sorry your dc were so rubbish this year. Definitely make them aware how under appreciated it made you feel. Or maybe suggest that if they’re not doing gifts again next year you’ll do the same and just be buying for children Flowers

Gingerkittykat · 29/12/2022 06:40

Your kids should definitely be buying you gifts so I can see why you are hurt.

Next year, cut the budget you spend on others by half and buy yourself something really nice.

Jumbojade · 29/12/2022 08:57

PenguinLove1 · 29/12/2022 01:44

Sorry that sounds a bit rubbish. How old are your kids? Ive they are over 16 then id be having a chat about it with them, thats so rude

I’m pretty sure there is at least 1, but probably more, of the OP’s DCs older than 16! OP stated that she has “3 kids (1 adult not at home) & 3 grandchildren.”

nancydroo · 29/12/2022 09:05

To stop you feeling resentful next year only buy for them that bought for you this year.

Blueberrywitch · 29/12/2022 09:14

Tell your children how sad this made you feel. They need to learn. It doesn’t have to be a big drama, but clear the air quickly, hey DC can we have a chat.

“I’m very sad that I didn’t receive a single Christmas present from any of you. Even something small and home-made would have made a difference, you don’t have to spend lots of money, but gifts show your appreciation and love for others. I hope this won’t happen again and you’ll be more considerate for future christmases and birthdays”

AdelaideLane · 29/12/2022 09:21

Blueberrywitch · 29/12/2022 09:14

Tell your children how sad this made you feel. They need to learn. It doesn’t have to be a big drama, but clear the air quickly, hey DC can we have a chat.

“I’m very sad that I didn’t receive a single Christmas present from any of you. Even something small and home-made would have made a difference, you don’t have to spend lots of money, but gifts show your appreciation and love for others. I hope this won’t happen again and you’ll be more considerate for future christmases and birthdays”

Yes, communicate. As parents we should be guiding our DC’s to make good decisions. This is part of them growing up and to an extent part of our parenting role. They need to know what is expected.
It doesn't have to be a drama, just some clear communication about how you feel.
I once had to do this, as a single parent, about lack of a Mothers Day card/ gift, time, effort. When I told friends that I had talked to my DC’s about it, the response was 100% ‘good for you’ .

DuchessOfDisco · 29/12/2022 09:40

This is what I hate about everyone saying “don’t buy adults gifts” because that would mean some will get nothing at all, and even an adult deserves a token gift to open.
I would definitely have a chat with your children, the younger two - perhaps even give them £10 each to go and pick you a gift if they don’t have jobs/money of their own.

NoSquirrels · 29/12/2022 09:42

That’s terrible!

Do the grandchildren belong to the adult child who has left home?

How old are your others? Were they with you on Christmas Day? Didn’t any of them say anything?

Hollythejolly · 29/12/2022 09:44

next year I’d buy gifts for my grandchildren and spend the grand on myself

marmiteislife · 29/12/2022 09:55

I didn’t get any gifts because we decided a few years ago to stop doing adult gifts at Christmas. None of us need anything and it was getting stressful trying to think of things to buy and ending up just giving vouchers or joke gifts. Now we spend money on quality food and drink and relax while the rest of the world is panic buying! I admit it did feel a bit odd the first year we did it and I had a twinge of disappointment having nothing to open on Christmas Day but now I don’t even think about it and I love watching the kids open their presents.

A grand is an awful lot to spend - especially on friends who aren’t getting anything for you. You don’t say if this was easily affordable or not but if it was a stretch then I really think you need to cut back a bit. Perhaps next year arrange a meal out with these friends instead. Maybe do a secret santa? And the same with adult members of the family. A secret santa with a set budget so you all have the same expectations and no one is left feel undervalued.

marmiteislife · 29/12/2022 10:01

DuchessOfDisco · 29/12/2022 09:40

This is what I hate about everyone saying “don’t buy adults gifts” because that would mean some will get nothing at all, and even an adult deserves a token gift to open.
I would definitely have a chat with your children, the younger two - perhaps even give them £10 each to go and pick you a gift if they don’t have jobs/money of their own.

We don’t do adult gifts and I usually have nothing to open. I don’t need a token gift and don’t really understand giving presents just for the sake of it. Everyone is different and if Christmas for you needs presents then that’s fine. But I’m more than happy to share the kids’ excitement and then enjoy a day with my family eating good food. And the other adults in my family agree.

ChocBanana · 29/12/2022 10:07

I got nothing from my husband for my birthday this year, not even a card. He didn’t forget, but, even worse, he knew when it was but “couldn’t think of anything to get me”. He didn’t get me a card because he didn’t get round to it.

We are having various issues anyway but when we went to a counselling session I brought that up and he seemed genuinely surprised by how much it had upset me.

I never, ever ask for anything but I personally think someone picking up a box of chocolates knowing they are your favourite is all it takes to show you care.

Anyway, for Christmas he really pulled out the stops and got me a pile of things he knew I would like.
I know he only spent £20-odd but I got my favourite chocolate as opposed to some sweets chosen at random, some socks with cats on (I love socks and cats but don’t tend to buy them for myself) and a book from a charity shop that is part of a series I collect (and didn’t have). He actually bothered to take a photo of the ones I do have so he wouldn’t double up.
That showed more thought than I have ever known (and realistically it needs to translate into other areas, but it’s a start).

So I would most definitely make your feelings known. Maybe this year was an error of judgment. It’s how they respond to it that makes the difference.

PublicTransport · 29/12/2022 10:26

I didn’t get any gifts because we decided a few years ago to stop doing adult gifts at Christmas. None of us need anything and it was getting stressful trying to think of things to buy and ending up just giving vouchers or joke gifts. Now we spend money on quality food and drink and relax while the rest of the world is panic buying! I admit it did feel a bit odd the first year we did it and I had a twinge of disappointment having nothing to open on Christmas Day but now I don’t even think about it and I love watching the kids open their presents

Same here, And it's such a relief! No silly jokey presents that get a five minute laugh and then are put away; no vouchers for lovely things that we forget to spend in time or experiences that we don't really have the opportunity to use. No mental totting up of what was spent. No dread of the January credit card bill long after the "luxury chocolates" and bath bomb have gone.

The difficulty was - especially at first - the Christmas morning "What do we do now?" feeling - as we all sat round at a loss as to what to do....We fixed that with a routine that didn't involve presents but focused on a special breakfast and a few other things.

PublicTransport · 29/12/2022 10:34

ChocBanana - that's a nice story. I hope things continue to get better.

Hahahahohoho · 29/12/2022 10:38

Next year why don't you take that £1000 you spent on other people and next year buy yourself something nice instead. I think you went a bit OTT to make everyone else feel special and other people were maybe a bit more sensible. Lesson learned.

Wanderingowl · 29/12/2022 11:16

DuchessOfDisco · 29/12/2022 09:40

This is what I hate about everyone saying “don’t buy adults gifts” because that would mean some will get nothing at all, and even an adult deserves a token gift to open.
I would definitely have a chat with your children, the younger two - perhaps even give them £10 each to go and pick you a gift if they don’t have jobs/money of their own.

I don't get any gifts and I'm fine with it. I have some very specific hobby related stuff that I want to buy for myself. I prefer to not buy adult gifts, not have any gifts for me and then use that money to either buy what I really want or put towards what I really want. If I was in a long term relationship, it would be nice to have a partner who knew me well enough to buy something that I'd love for myself but haven't splashed out on yet. But I wouldn't expect my parents, brothers, friends and definitely not my DS(10) to know what's in my head as a dream item or spend as much as even what some of the cheaper items cost.

mellicauli · 29/12/2022 11:18

I would just send them all a text.

I was a bit disappointed to no presents at all on Christmas Day this year. I guess you must all be feeling the pinch. I wouldn’t want the embarrassment of that happening again, so I am unilaterally declaring 2023 a present-free year. If you would rather return to the convention of exchanging gifts for birthdays and Christmas, I will be accepting New Year gifts.

JennyJenny8675309 · 29/12/2022 12:19

nancydroo · 29/12/2022 09:05

To stop you feeling resentful next year only buy for them that bought for you this year.

Since none of them bought for OP, she’ll have plenty in next year’s Christmas budget to buy herself some very nice gifts.

Han99 · 29/12/2022 19:48

My oldest is 7 and for the last 3 years I've taken her to the shop with £10 to pick a gift for her dad, brother and each of her grandparents. Literally a box of matchmakers or a bar of soap. She loves doing it and of her own accord asks her Nan to help her pick something for me as she realises she has bought and wrapped for everyone but me. Same with gifts for her teachers. She picks the gift not me and she wraps it. I think you have to set the example and let them see how touched everyone is with their gifts then they want to do it in future.

AdelaideLane · 29/12/2022 20:13

Han99 · 29/12/2022 19:48

My oldest is 7 and for the last 3 years I've taken her to the shop with £10 to pick a gift for her dad, brother and each of her grandparents. Literally a box of matchmakers or a bar of soap. She loves doing it and of her own accord asks her Nan to help her pick something for me as she realises she has bought and wrapped for everyone but me. Same with gifts for her teachers. She picks the gift not me and she wraps it. I think you have to set the example and let them see how touched everyone is with their gifts then they want to do it in future.

This is one of my happiest childhood Christmas memories. We used to go after school, so remember shopping in the dark. I felt ever so grown up choosing the best fragrance of bath cubes ( remember those!) for my aunty and socks for my uncles. I even had to wrap the presents. Joyous.

LoveAHolidayOrTwo · 29/12/2022 20:35

That is so sad. Did you say to any of them you don’t want presents?

nettie434 · 29/12/2022 21:58

I think the people saying they are happy with no adult gifts are missing the point. The OP bought gifts for lots of people, including other adults so it wasn't the same as a group of adults mutually agreeing not to exchange presents.

I think you should definitely use some of the suggestions other posters have made to let your family and friends know that you felt disappointed.

danceyfancey · 29/12/2022 22:38

I would feel the same OP. I was making Christmas presents from the age of 6 for my parents and buying a couple of years later. They are old enough to know Christmas isn't all about receiving

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