Can Christmas be fun?

[LadyHester]

Ok so this year has been slightly anomalous as I developed a filthy cold on Christmas Eve and am booked in for surgery in January for a condition which means I am in constant pain.
Since 21 December, like every year, we have been hosting different groups of relatives - adult stepchildren, some with their own children, plus my siblings and families. I’ve tried to simplify catering and have organised extra domestic help but it has still been an endless cycle of cooking, clearing, wrapping, tidying. DH has been incredibly helpful. Teenage DS not, but can’t face the tantrums if I ask him for help.
I don’t feel I can say no to DSC when they ask to visit over Christmas, and in any case we love seeing them. It would be easier if they all came in one fell swoop but although I’ve tried to encourage that it never seems to happen. We are civil with their mother but would prefer not to spend Christmas with her, and I’m sure she feels the same. I’m close to my siblings and want to see them at Christmas - some years my sister hosts us but it doesn’t seem fair for her to do that every year.
Is there any way of squeezing some joy out of this period going forwards, or are we just doomed to drudgery and exhaustion?

Probably not if you are running a small hotel with minimal staff…..as that is what it sounds like. my favourite bits are Christmas Eve walk and Boxing Day walks….

can you work out the bits you do like and try and big them up? Ask guests to bring own bedding or towels? Have a meal out….?

just invite everyone step for a Christmas party one night (not Christmas) and that’s it.

the dynamics will change and you’ll find someone else hosting.

@BarrelOfOtters Thank you for these kind words - it’s just very nice at the moment to have a bit of sympathy! Good idea re steps, though I know one set prefer to see us without the others as they feel a bit drowned out en masse. But maybe that should be their problem.
Haven’t been able to enjoy walks this year because of aforementioned medical condition, but next year should be better.
A few years ago after spending much of Christmas in tears I told DH to forbid me from doing more than two set-piece meals. But the only way of achieving that is by serious putting-down of feet as they all make plans in dribs and drabs. And of course as step parent I really appreciate their wanting to spend time with us. I am extremely fond of them all and really treasure the relationship that we have, which has not been without its difficult moments.

I agree with PP: to make it easier for yourself invite all the DSC to one event (eg a brunch/lunch/dinner) and give lots of notice then they either choose to prioritise it or not

This is what I do with my own family (adult siblings & their DC), I’ve chosen a specific weekend in Dec. Depending on where people live/distance to you, if school aged kids etc you may find a date after schools have broken up better

Yes I think we probably do need a radical rethink. A single Pre- or post-Christmas Event (maybe even catered!!!), and if they want to see us on Christmas Day they can host us.

@LadyHester : you have seen the light my friend!!

I think you should tell the family now and also float a few dates while Xmas is still fresh in people’s minds

I chose 1st weekend of Dec as that gives anyone who can’t come plenty of chance to invite me instead !!

You could adjust Christmas to suit you better. Like if you had an open house on Christmas Day, so that your sc could come and go as they pleased, but instead of having a formal sit down meal, you could do a buffet and keep it topped up with hot stuff that’s easy to just put in the oven and forget about for 20 minutes. Then have a Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, when there’s less pressure. It makes Christmas Day far more relaxed.

I can sympathise here. We live in the mountains near snowdonia , perfect place for family events, but everyone has to drive long distances to get here so they will arrive and leave at different times and understandably do not feel like pitching in , are hungry and worn out.
Theres always bedroom swapping and that soft manipulation of ' i will do it if you like...' when it comes to logistics of looking after 8 to 14 people for 4 days or more.
The food bills are horrendous, even things like rubbish. I try to gently say what rubbish goes where but everyone is drinking and playing games , you cant exoect them to remember.
There is something very unsavoury about DH paying a cleaner £14 ph to help- if anyone is getting paid I would like to be first!
But the worst thing of all is when I end up dishevelled and messy because ive worked so hard prepping and cleaning, and when i cant put on a dress and enjoy a drink and sit down like they do and play games.
i have moments where i feel so low after these events. I go off my food and slouch. I would also like to find a way around this.