How do you split time between your parents and PIL?

[upfucked]

In an ideal world I would hide at home.

This year the plan was to go to my parents and invite PIL around on the 27th. It was end up at my parents with PIL and my sister and her family. Too many people and too much food. My young kids were overwhelmed. I spent the whole afternoon cooking and cleaning. My parents couldn’t come to ours (disability) and couldn’t manage the cooking themselves. MIL has been difficult about Christmas in the past but doesn’t plan anything in advance and then whinges.

Before we lived together we used to alternate.
Since then we've mainly hosted everyone together (used to be MIL and FIL but they separated) so now just us, 2 DC, my parents and MIL, which is painful as they don't particularly gel and there's lots of awkward silences and no one lifts a finger to help either.
I'd love to do something different but couldn't leave MIL on her own so just have to suck it up!

We stay at home and anyone who wants to come is welcome. Dm and dbro pretty much always come, dmil does some years. I would be perfectly happy if none of them came!

No parents alive so we’re with the pil’s every year…..
I’d love to have a Christmas without them but then get guilt tripped into agreeing to see them every year….

My sister and I have taken over now. So one year she has my parents and her in laws at hers.

Then the next year, I have my parents and my in laws at mine.

Before our DD was born this year we used to spend the morning with my partners family, the afternoon separate with our respective families and the evening at my family. They live about 15mins apart thankfully and only about 15mins from us.
This year that would have been far too much for DD 10m so we spent Christmas Eve at my partners parents (11-3ish) then Christmas Day at my parents with my sister too, my partner took baby home to nap for an hour in the afternoon otherwise we were there 11-6. Then Boxing Day we went to my partners parents again (10-1ish).
Who we saw on Xmas day was largely decided by the fact my mum wasn't working which she often is. Next year she likely will be so we will do it the opposite way round.
3 busy days but it worked well for us and having everyone at ours isn't an option

we normally do xmas lunchtime with my family and the evening with OHs family. it works quite well, as my family are larks and OHs family are owls.

We open gifts at home just the four of us, about 10.30 we travel to in laws until about 1. I’m then supposed to magically Russel up a roast dinner in an hour after lunch we visit my parents. Kids are overwhelmed, I’m knackered and husband is oblivious to how much hard work everything is.

We stay at home and just have an open house and let both sets know they can come over whenever they like, be it for morning coffee, for Christmas lunch, or evening nibbles, whatever suits them.
therefore, zero guilt and having to balance time because it’s up to them and not us

3 year cycle.
One year my parents, one where we invite his parents, and one where we have it just us (tho I've been known to skip this one when his side don't want to visit us and book a holiday over christmas and the inlaw christmas was just the 4 of us).

Good grief. Why aren't you eating at either PILs or your parents? Why are you seeing them both but cooking in between?

@pocketvenuss I would love to eat at their homes but we are never invited, my mum gets overwhelmed and my Inlaws are a bit hmmmm lazy to put it nicely.

@Favouritefruits

Kids are overwhelmed, I’m knackered and husband is oblivious to how much hard work everything is.

Why the hell are you putting yourself through this? Tell your husband how much work is involved and suggest you go out for a meal next year. Stop masking it and pretending everything is perfect.

Or ask your husband to cook next year.

Xmas day we usually host my parents or go to my parents then Boxing Day my husband's family. 27th onwards we spend time at home and people can visit us if they want.

My in-laws live nearly 3 hours away and my family are local so we alternate - this year we've been at in-laws for 4 days and will see my mum this week. She was at my brother's for Christmas. We'd never do both families at once - no one has the space and they are VERY different. It would be awful!