Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

MIL

19 replies

Justme4 · 26/12/2022 15:23

Wwud
Dont really speak to MIL. She stopped speaking to me and husband 10 years ago with no explanation. Limited contact with grandchildren since. Always gets presents for grandkids at birthdays and Christmas.
About 4 years ago she started speaking to my husband again when he was dropping the kids round, since then, they are working on their relationship. No sorry or explanation as to why she stopped speaking to us though (we have an idea) I still have no contact although we see FIL weekly at our sons football games we pick him up for.
This year, she has bought the whole family, including my dil and pet dog! Christmas presents but nothing for me.
Am I right to feel miffed?

OP posts:
BMrs · 26/12/2022 15:26

Yep! My MIL is a massive pain too. I almost wish she didn't speak to me although we've been close to it a few times.

She's trying to make you feel left out. I would say she is doing that to get a reaction, don't give her one!

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2022 15:30

Hmmm I'm not sure really.

As neither of you are in contact, I'm going to assume neither of you want to be.

Therefore if she sent a gift, it might be mistaken for an olive branch if that makes sense?

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 26/12/2022 15:36

Grab the ddogs toy and start playing with it.
Laxatives in her coffee...

LooLooLemon · 26/12/2022 15:57

She’s trying to get a reaction from you. DH’s stepmother is the biggest bitch ever to exist. I don’t do what she wants me to do ever, so there’s always a “fuck you” behind whatever she gives me 😂 It causes me and my DSis much hilarity to guess what it’s going to be each year!!

Recently it was a £20 voucher to Hollister (I’m in my 40s and wouldn’t step foot into the store, let alone wear any of it 😆) and an old fashioned book called something like “how to make your house look nice” (my house is lovely IMO). Both elaborately gift wrapped. They’re mega super rich, so it’s always chosen. I’ve had a regifted candle in the past (including gift tag from someone else in the box) 😛

Tomorrow I’ll be opening whatever this years offering is… I’m guessing a beautiful cashmere jumper in size XXL 😂

fancyacuppatea · 26/12/2022 16:21

I wouldn't be miffed.

As she didn't buy anything for you, You don't have to thank her. Xmas Wink She didn't see that coming!

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 26/12/2022 16:26

Call me weird, but I just love this level of passive aggression!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/12/2022 16:34

Why are you sending your children there if they don't/didn't speak to you or their son? <misses point entirely>

Why do you care? You sound well off out of it but my kids wouldn't be going nearing anyone who can't be civil to me.

PritiPatelsMaker · 26/12/2022 16:40

You're not the only one who missed the point there @TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams. I thought that too.

trulyunruly01 · 26/12/2022 16:54

Aside from the fact that my dc (when they were actual dc) would not have been going to visit people who could not at least be civil to me.
Regardless of the reasons, you have a dh and a fil problem. Both these people could have and should have intervened and demanded civility and that the social niceties be observed with regard to you. The social niceties being a token present, tolerance around invites etc.
I've also found, as my dc have moved to adulthood, that they've noticed whenever I have felt slighted by a member of the extended family and have unswervingly spoken/acted in my defence, ie turned down invitation recently from horrible SIL where I was not invited. They are very much 'one for all and all for one' and whilst I don't expect them to fight my 'battles' I appreciate the support.
I really don't get why your thread is entitled MIL and not 'DH won't tell his mother that we come as a package' or 'FIL is happy to interact with me when MIL isn't around but won't intervene with MIL's horrible treatment of me'.
She acts like this because she's allowed to.

DeadDonkey · 26/12/2022 17:14

You say you have an idea why they stopped speaking to you - what is it?

And why are you dropping your children with them when they don’t speak to you?

Stompythedinosaur · 26/12/2022 20:17

I don't understand why you'd be dropping your dc round or picking fil up for a football game when you had no contact, how would that even come up?

Clearly she is being a cow, maybe next year deliver a gift bag with things for fil and not her?

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 26/12/2022 20:19

Yes I would be miffed as surely it is purposeful. What does your partner think, surely your husband is unhappy at your being singled out like that?

I wouldn’t be letting my children have contact with her without me. All this sounds very toxic and manipulative.

Original poster
Justme4 · 27/12/2022 20:29

Tbh, she’s a really good grandma. The kids have always had a good relationship with both grandparents. It didn’t sit well with me to stop them from seeing their grandma because of her behaviour towards me and my husband.
if they asked to see her, we dropped them round.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justme4 · 27/12/2022 20:31

Tbh, she’s a really good grandma. The kids have always had a good relationship with both grandparents. It didn’t sit well with me to stop them from seeing their grandma because of her behaviour towards me and my husband.

if they asked to see her, we dropped them round.
This just happened, I was yet to speak to my husband while the kids weren’t around but I absolutely will be having that conversation

OP posts:
Original poster
Justme4 · 27/12/2022 20:32

Tbh, she’s a really good grandma. The kids have always had a good relationship with both grandparents. It didn’t sit well with me to stop them from seeing their grandma because of her behaviour towards me and my husband.

if they asked to see her, we dropped them round.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justme4 · 27/12/2022 20:34

Stompythedinosaur · 26/12/2022 20:17

I don't understand why you'd be dropping your dc round or picking fil up for a football game when you had no contact, how would that even come up?

Clearly she is being a cow, maybe next year deliver a gift bag with things for fil and not her?

Husband has started to have contact again hence FIL coming to football.
We’ve never stopped the kids going around, if they asked to see grandma, we took them round

OP posts:
Original poster
Justme4 · 27/12/2022 20:39

DeadDonkey · 26/12/2022 17:14

You say you have an idea why they stopped speaking to you - what is it?

And why are you dropping your children with them when they don’t speak to you?

A friend of ours died, husband took some compassionate leave from work. A week later, a great uncle passed away. He lives in Scotland, a 6 hour drive for us. Husband didn’t attend that funeral as he couldn’t take 2/3 days off work ( her own brother didn’t go as he too struggled with work) we think that’s where her issue arose from.

Tbh, she’s a really good grandma. The kids have always had a good relationship with both grandparents. It didn’t sit well with me to stop them from seeing their grandma because of her behaviour towards me and my husband.

if they asked to see her, we dropped them round.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 28/12/2022 04:09

Good on you for supporting the relationship between your childen and their grandparents. Hopefully things will improve. Family is complex and you are right to be open minded. Be your best self and don't take anything personally.

Poppyblush · 28/12/2022 08:00

But she us not a really good grandmother as she alienates you!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread