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Guests saying nothing when you offer things

43 replies

boobashka · 26/12/2022 00:58

My brothers and their families staying over for Christmas. Everyone getting along well and all very nice etc.
I'm being the hostess with the mostess.
But when I ask 'would anyone like a hot drink/ booze/ nibbles/ whatever', everyone ignores me! Annoying! WHY?

OP posts:
PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 26/12/2022 13:22

We have big (but attractive, not like a conference centre) hot drink dispensers that we use when we are entertaining lots of people (We're Jewish, so always! Smile) Might be worth a try next year? We just lay everything on a table at the back of the sofa and off people go! DH tops up regularly and that's it!

Wetblanket78 · 26/12/2022 13:39

Just leave nibbles out so they can help themselves. Tell them if they want anything to drink feel free to help themselves. They probably don't want to be waited on while you run around after everyone

boobashka · 26/12/2022 16:28

Thank you for the advice and empathy mumsnet 😁 I think I will take the advice to 'hostess less 'and just pop round some nibbles and plates of goodies from time to time. They can sort their own drinks out 😁

OP posts:
Stayathomenamechange · 26/12/2022 16:36

Some of my in-laws are like this. They have to be asked directly one by one. But then the really enraging thing is when they (well ok, BIL) goes "yeah..... OK.... go on then..." as if he's doing me a massive favour tucking into a mince pie/ sausage roll/ glass of wine. GRRRR

RosesAndHellebores · 26/12/2022 16:54

Like others, op, I think you should say, "I'm putting the kettle on, John, would you like a cup of tea, or something else? Mary?

Please don't be like my mother. "Roses, do you want a cup of tea?" "No thanks mum, I've just finished one". "Oh, have a coffee then". "No, I'm fine mum, I've just had a drink". "Well, are you sure you don't want a cup of tea"? "Yes thanks mum".

Mother goes to kitchen and comes back with a tray, with a pot of tea and two cups and saucers. "I put an extra cup on and there's plenty in the pot for you to have a cup of tea, you'll have a biscuit won't you?". "I'm alright mum, I had a piece of toast 30 minutes ago". "Oh but they're lovely biscuits, the ones you used to like, I've got some chocolate ones if you want a chocolate one".

There is zero cognizance that a guest night not want a cup of tea, biscuit, sandwich, glass of wine, cheese and crackers. It is all about her needs.

Occasionally I have said on the third offer "I'm sorry mum, but what did I say just now?". Then she goes on the defensive "are you suggesting I'm going, losing my memory". "No mum, but I have just told you three times that I don't want anything else to eat or drink".

She does it to everyone and bit by bit, inch by inch they give in. Then they quietly drop her.

VickyEadieofThigh · 26/12/2022 17:24

We have American relatives and when we visit they always say the following: "Any time you want a drink, don't wait to be asked, make yourself one - but everyone has to ask around if they do that to see who else wants one! You have'full fridge rights' - this means that in between meals, you can get a snack any time you want."

ViburnumFarreri · 26/12/2022 17:29

emptythelitterbox · 26/12/2022 12:44

Summon up your inner Mrs. Doyle.😂

Glad I’m not the only one who was thinking of Mrs Doyle! Grin

ViburnumFarreri · 26/12/2022 17:38

Also Father Stone answering “No I’m fine” to everything. 😄

Greensleevevssnotnose · 26/12/2022 17:50

I just say you all know where the kitchens in, we don't stand on ceremony round here, fill ya boots

VioletLemon · 26/12/2022 18:05

Maybe they are the type that need a direct communication, 'David would you like another beer' etc!
Or maybe you just need to ring a bell and say, 'please help yourself folks, drinks are here, snacks are there'. Then just go and have a drink.....

boobashka · 26/12/2022 18:30

Pre dinner drinks and I've just sent out a poll on WhatsApp to see if that works.... 😁
Nibbles will just be put out without asking!

OP posts:
GreekDogRescue · 26/12/2022 18:43

YABU to use the word ‘nibbles’.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 26/12/2022 19:47

i'm not sure I am understanding this...
You have guests, family, and you've asked the group, Can I get anyone anything? And NO ONE REPLIES??? You don't get acknowledged at all? Then you later text message the same people sitting in your house with you and still no one acknowledges you? This is so bizarre!
I think I'd be tempted, come dinner time, to make myself a plate, pour myself a glass of wine and sit at my pretty table by myself, enjoying my meal in peace and scrolling through mn. 🤣

Mumtobabyhavoc · 26/12/2022 19:49

I can't get over that you've resorted to messaging people in your own house! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

maddiemookins16mum · 26/12/2022 19:53

DD (17), has been head barmaid/tea maker this Christmas.
Her trick is to say ‘the kettle is on or the bar is open, I’m taking orders…Dad? Coffee or a beer? Granny - tea or sherry? etc etc. people then say what they’d like or say nowt for me thanks.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 26/12/2022 20:00

maddiemookins16mum · 26/12/2022 19:53

DD (17), has been head barmaid/tea maker this Christmas.
Her trick is to say ‘the kettle is on or the bar is open, I’m taking orders…Dad? Coffee or a beer? Granny - tea or sherry? etc etc. people then say what they’d like or say nowt for me thanks.

But people do answer her, right? As normal people do? As I understand it, OP's family/guests seem catatonic...

cantsing · 26/12/2022 20:05

boobashka · 26/12/2022 00:58

My brothers and their families staying over for Christmas. Everyone getting along well and all very nice etc.
I'm being the hostess with the mostess.
But when I ask 'would anyone like a hot drink/ booze/ nibbles/ whatever', everyone ignores me! Annoying! WHY?

They actually ignore you? Do they ignore you if you ask them anything else?

boobashka · 26/12/2022 23:58

They don't normally ignore me! 🤣 But my offers of drinks etc are often met with silence. They don't know what they want or maybe they don't want to appear rude..I don't know... but pp's on the thread also get it so I know it's not just my family 😄
The WhatsApp poll worked quite well as everyone had a chance to think about the options then vote for what they wanted..

OP posts:
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