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Anxious about not buying family a gift- please help

7 replies

NoMoreFreesias · 25/12/2022 00:39

I am 30. I am the oldest of my ‘generation’ of the family. My younger cousins are as young as 7. Even though I am an adult (and have just had my own DC)- I am very much seen as a child.

My aunts and uncles have always brought me gifts (minus one aunt who is very vocal about presents only being for kids) as my parents buy for their younger, multiple children. My mum has always told me that I don’t need to worry about buying for my aunts/uncles (I have a lot of them) as they see it as just buying for ‘the kids’ like they do. When I saw aunts/uncles over Christmas parties, I’d always bring chocs/flowers/wine to say thanks for hosting.

Anyway- fast forward to this year and I have my own child. My mum has just dropped a sack of presents off for my DD (who doesn’t know it’s Christmas) from the aunts and uncles. They’ve even still bought gifts for me!!!

I feel horribly horribly rude that they haven’t bought them anything and I’m wondering if I need to empty my wine cupboard, decant into gift bags and hand out at lunch tomorrow. But at the same time, I don’t want the pressure of buying for 6+ sets of aunts and uncles. It adds up. Nor do I expect anything grom
them. My family are just big gift givers.

What do I do?

I was thinking of thanking them graciously for my gifts but saying I didn’t expect anything as new DD is here, and maybe getting my parents to communicate that they no longer need to buy for me? And then wine/chocs when I see them over Xmas?

I feel horribly awkward and it’s stopping me from sleeping. I get anxiety when I feel like I have been rude or upset someone.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 25/12/2022 00:42

Don’t stress about it this year.

Next year in Oct text or WhatsApp them and say you’re really looking forward to seeing them - but please no gifts as you think presents should just be for the kids.

It might be worth seeing your GP re anxiety. It can get worse if not got under control.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 25/12/2022 01:36

Congratulations on your daughter's arrival this year!

Truly, I'm sure they'll just be happy to spend time with a new addition to the family and wouldn't want you to worry about reciprocating gifts.

zoopigi · 25/12/2022 01:41

I have a nephew who is 26 this year, and he has said to me he feels the same way. He says he feels bad that he can't reciprocate, and I said I totally understand how he feels HOWEVER gift giving is not transactional. I give presents because I love giving something to my friends/family and making them smile. I often have a bit of extra cash at Christmas, where I don't for the rest of the year-abd often forget birthday etc as we are in different countries to each other. Say thank you, reciprocate if you feel you want to, and you can afford it, but otherwise just enjoy tomorrow with your gorgeous new baby. Merry Christmas!

Summer2424 · 25/12/2022 02:29

Hi @NoMoreFreesias
I have a similar situation i haven't got anything for my brother, sil and nephew but they have dropped off a huge sack of pressies for my newborn. I've been all over the place recovering from a c section and being a first time Mum. I've done what you said below and next year i'll be better prepared.
Don't be anxious and enjoy your xmas!

I was thinking of thanking them graciously for my gifts but saying I didn’t expect anything as new DD is here, and maybe getting my parents to communicate that they no longer need to buy for me? And then wine/chocs when I see them over Xmas?

Sugarfree23 · 25/12/2022 02:35

I'd do as you suggested give a bottle of wine to each couple but tell them to stop buying you as its too much.

Some of your Aunties and Uncles can't be that much older than you if they have kids as young as 7.

junebirthdaygirl · 25/12/2022 02:45

In my family l have bought gifts for all nephews/ nieces since birth and there is alot ..for years. Bur l genuinely never expected them to buy me anything. I started when they were babies and it's like gifts go down the family ..not up. Its the same with my sisters. Saying that the next generation is starting to arrive but except for buying a new born baby gift l am nor going to buy for those and that is the pattern for us. If l were you after Christmas l would let your mom know that your baby will get from their own aunts and uncles so please don't start including your baby in presents.
As for this year just enjoy your Christmas..thank them all and no need to be anxious.

NoMoreFreesias · 25/12/2022 09:23

Sugarfree23 · 25/12/2022 02:35

I'd do as you suggested give a bottle of wine to each couple but tell them to stop buying you as its too much.

Some of your Aunties and Uncles can't be that much older than you if they have kids as young as 7.

The younger ones belong to my uncles from second (and third…) marriages. They were still having children into their late forties/fifties.

my aunts and uncles aren’t close to me in age at all.

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