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Original poster

not so magical Christmas Eve - when to tell the truth about Santa?

31 replies

pinklemonade84 · 24/12/2022 23:32

Dd6, since she has been able to understand more, so from about the age of 4, has developed a massive fear of Santa coming into our house. We’ve made up that dh goes outside to meet Him once she’s asleep to do the present switch over. However tonight, with all the excitement, a McDonald’s,and her fear, she’s got herself worked up to the point that she’s been sick several times.

She’s also been ill with strep a and has had to go on antibiotics. And because of the shortage of antibiotic solution in our area, she’s had to have one bottle of sugar free and one bottle of normal. She absolutely detests the sugar free stuff and gets really upset every time she has to take it.

Dh said, maybe it would be kinder for us to tell her the truth , so that she doesn’t get this distressed again. But, I don’t want to spoil any magic for her as she’s still so young really. So, I feel extremely torn about this and unsure as to what to do for the best because of there being so many things that could be contributing towards her being sick tonight

I was hoping someone would have some words of wisdom as to how we can approach this please?

OP posts:
Rotherweird · 24/12/2022 23:34

Poor little soul! It doesn’t sound like she’s getting much out of the magic. My DC figured it out at 4, and it didn’t spoil Xmas at all.

LostThePot · 24/12/2022 23:36

Bless her.

I would tell her that your DH is going to go and meet Santa now to get her gifts as he’s only down the road.

Get DH to drive round the block and come back with the filled stocking for her.

Hopefully she will then be able to get some sleep.

FlounderingFruitcake · 24/12/2022 23:37

What magic?! She’s terrified of him and really worked up. Of course you tell her he’s not real.

EggAndOgg · 24/12/2022 23:38

I think you should definitely tell her. There is no magic for her currently.

YoSofi · 24/12/2022 23:38

I think you should tell her, maybe explain Santa isn’t a person more a feeling and that you and her dad create the magic?

seven201 · 24/12/2022 23:40

LostThePot · 24/12/2022 23:36

Bless her.

I would tell her that your DH is going to go and meet Santa now to get her gifts as he’s only down the road.

Get DH to drive round the block and come back with the filled stocking for her.

Hopefully she will then be able to get some sleep.

I'd do something like this.

2023willbemyyear · 24/12/2022 23:47

She will be relieved if you tell her. Let her know she can still have presents every Christmas though

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 24/12/2022 23:50

I’m all for the magic, was upset when my 10yo found out this year, but this really dose not sound magical for your DD, I would tell her the truth or tell her that you have an agreement with him that he won’t come to your house anymore that he will post them and you and DH can look after them for her.

Hellocatshome · 24/12/2022 23:58

Its not magical if she is scared.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 25/12/2022 13:02

I curled up on her bed with her in the end to get her to sleep and promised her that Santa wouldn't come into the house and that her dad would go out to meet him and take his snack and drink out

Trying to keep up the pretence of Santa, just isn't worth it after how she was last night. Like so many of you have said, it's not magical when she's so scared. So, we're agreed that we'll be telling her sooner rather than later, so I'm going to have a look for ideas to break the news to her

OP posts:
MuggleMe · 25/12/2022 16:54

Watch Klaus with her and talk to her about st Nicholas and how we're all the spirit of Christmas. I told my 3yo (turns out she has asd) as she was really upset at the thought of strange man in the house and I didn't want to make a web of lies I'd have to untangle. Also we're christians so Santa not such a big deal anyway.

MuggleMe · 25/12/2022 16:56

I was able to continue to 'do' Santa with a twinkle in my eye and quiet reassurances when required. We all play make believe with toys and still enjoy it. Why not Santa.

SnarkyBag · 25/12/2022 17:03

we told ds about Santa not being real in the spring/summertime it’s easier to do it when there’s no build up emotion about presents and the big day.

I wouldn’t tell her yet or she may be confused as to why she’s had to be so anxious about a fake man with a beard coming into her house!

theculture · 25/12/2022 17:03

My parents always told me it was a lie and I was mulling over what to do with mine . . .

However it transpired that the oldest was absolutely terrified of people dressed up in costumes. Eg people dressed up as lions in soft play, Wombles etc

She like yours was very frightened by the thought of father Xmas coming in to her room etc so I followed my gut and told her, she was totally relieved and since then we have a happy pretence that father Xmas and the tooth fairy are mummy and daddy but still do stockings, teeth under the pillow etc

I did recently find out she told a girl at nursery that Father Christmas didn't exist - and made her cry ! So if you do try to make her understand not to tell anyone else!!!

LBFseBrom · 25/12/2022 17:17

You could add a little sugar to her sugar-free medicine.

Your post illustrates the folly of the Santa myth. It's quite possible to have a charming, magical Christmas without anyone believing in Father Christmas literally.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 25/12/2022 17:24

What's magic about a little girl scared to the point of vomiting about a strange man coming to her house? Just tell her FGS!!

WimpoleHat · 25/12/2022 17:27

But, I don’t want to spoil any magic for her as she’s still so young really

There is no magic for her. She hates it. She’s scared. You may have started for the right reasons, but now you’re deliberately scaring her with a false story. Stop it for her sake!

Hellocatshome · 25/12/2022 17:57

I would probably wait until mid January and tell her I would also tell her that you went long with the story as you thought she would enjoy it but as its obvious she doesnt like it and is older now she can join the adults in pretending for the other children.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 25/12/2022 19:51

@Hellocatshome and @SnarkyBag i like your ideas of waiting a little while to tell her

She's had a lovely day, though emotional at times with her not feeling right. But she's had lots of cuddles and we've just been taking it easy, so as not to put any pressure on her

She's our only dc and you get this whole image of children being so excited about Santa coming to drop off presents, or stockings, or both, shoved in your face. You see people's highlight reels on Facebook and other social media. And there's almost this kind of pressure that you need to keep up with it all in the same way. And I'll be honest, that's why we've kept it up for so long

And like I've said in my previous post, we'll be telling her the truth, as the pretence wasn't worth how she was. We can create the magic for her in other ways

OP posts:
SnarkyBag · 25/12/2022 20:51

pinklemonade84 · 25/12/2022 19:51

@Hellocatshome and @SnarkyBag i like your ideas of waiting a little while to tell her

She's had a lovely day, though emotional at times with her not feeling right. But she's had lots of cuddles and we've just been taking it easy, so as not to put any pressure on her

She's our only dc and you get this whole image of children being so excited about Santa coming to drop off presents, or stockings, or both, shoved in your face. You see people's highlight reels on Facebook and other social media. And there's almost this kind of pressure that you need to keep up with it all in the same way. And I'll be honest, that's why we've kept it up for so long

And like I've said in my previous post, we'll be telling her the truth, as the pretence wasn't worth how she was. We can create the magic for her in other ways

Aw bless her it’s easy to get sucked into thinking that all children find every aspect of Christmas magical and exciting. We realised with ds2 that the stress of “surprise” presents was too much for him. He does a list within a budget and I stick to what’s on it. I do get a couple of cheap stock fillers as surprises which he’s fine with. Christmas is the most magical when you adapt it to the needs of your own child.

Noln · 25/12/2022 21:04

I don't remember ever believing in santa despite my parents trying, and I found it weird having to pretend. Therefore my DCs (6 and 8) have never been told santa is real. We still have all the presents appear overnight, which I always found magical without santa and they seem to aswell - the idea that they've been hidden in the house only to appear. Then we make Christmas lovely with our own traditions - Christmas tree from Christmas tree farm each year, Christmas film and picky foods on Christmas eve, etc.

We've always said he's a character from a story, and some people believe he's real so we don't tell those people he's not.

It's madness to try and keep up the pretence when it's distressing her so much, and honestly Christmas is still great without santa!

Floralnomad · 25/12/2022 21:41

We only ever did FC as a story character , so we still went to see a few but my kids always knew he wasn’t real and the presents were from us . Both of ours have always loved Christmas and still do now they are adults , you don’t need a pretend person to make it magical

Glitterandcard · 25/12/2022 21:49

My oldest said at age two he knew Santa wasn’t real and that he didn’t like him - we told him that yes, it was pretend and if it wasn’t fun we’d stop and that was that. He will have absolutely nothing to do with anything Santa related or themed but he still has a lovely Christmas every year. My youngest has always known it’s not real because of DC1, but enjoys playing pretend with it anyway (cookies and milk, North Pole letters, visits to Santa etc) and also has a great Christmas.

She’ll be fine. Just tell her it’s a story and that it can be fun to pretend/act out stories, but if she doesn’t like it you can do other things at Christmas instead. One thing I’ve learnt from parenting autistic DC1 is you have to parent the actual child you have and do what they enjoy, and forget your/society’s preconceived notions of what things should be like - don’t tie yourself in knots and upset her trying to find a way to make a completely made up lie somehow more acceptable to her, just do something else.

Delectable · 25/12/2022 21:55

I couldn't lie not make my child suffer for a lie in this way.

ReneBumsWombats · 26/12/2022 08:52

But, I don’t want to spoil any magic for her as she’s still so young really.

She's terrified to the point where she's vomiting and not sleeping. What would you be spoiling?

Don't maintain this to her detriment just because it's something you want to do. Santa is fun when he works properly. But it's really off when parents artificially prolong it and put their kids through all kinds of crap to please themselves, while pretending it's all about "magic" for the kids.

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