Hate all the waste …

[Josie747373]

I love Christmas…in terms of family getting together, excitement for the kids, big meal etc but I feel like the gift giving / receiving is so insanely wasteful both environmentally and financially that it stresses me out.

my mum is all about excess…I was very spoiled materially as a child likely to compensate for lack of time she was able to spend with me. I’ve always felt a massive pressure and guilt around Christmas like I have to try and match my mums gift giving as she goes to such effort. But now I have my own (very young) children…and I’m thinking this isn’t how I want to raise them. I don’t want them to think that loads of excess is ok or to wrap tonnes of presents in plastic only for it to be thrown onto a landfill on Christmas Day.

my kids are still young but I’m wanting things to change before they’re old enough to notice…this year I got them second hand primarily wooden toys from vinted. We are financially well off but I just think it’s mad when they are 2 and 4 years old. My mums got them loads of presents….all plastic and I don’t want to be ungrateful but I feel like this is going to become a problem as they get older.

anyone else do Christmas on a smaller scale? Any tips or creative ideas? I’m thinking reusable present bags or boxes instead of wrapping paper…limit set on number of presents for kids…none material gifts like days out or meals out etc…

my mum will be the hardest to convince…she loves super excess and will see it as me being ungrateful / tight / a rubbish mum! Anyone else have a clash on this with relatives?

My kids grandparents are dead and we are NC with rest of family so it's just us, I now go for cheaper things like books and smelly rather than one expensive gift, my eldest gets token gifts and money

Not all plastic is the same. Toys like Playmobil, Lego, happyland - all lasted for ages and have resale value or hang on and give them to grandchildren (DD played with my and my sister's Lego). Lego also has a recycling system.

Buy second hand, sometimes children are gifted duplicates or a toy wasn't of interest and are in great condition. Lots of DD's baby/pre-school toys went to toy sales or charity shop or were handed on.

We didn't buy lot of toys because DD was at nursery for 4 days and had lots of fun playing with certain toys there.

There is nothing wrong with trying to keep to a smaller present amount. It all depends on circumstances and how you talk about Santa and wish lists for example.

On the long run we were glad and DH's parents were happy to pay for annual memberships, classes, tickets etc instead of physical gifts. Maybe that's something your mum could look into in the years to come.

for starters reusable fabric gift bags (the one and only santa gift can be in paper) but it helps massively.
i can sew, i bought the christmas themed fabrics on sale the day after one particularly horrid christmas prep. or buy them (if you give the bags to any adults stipulate you want them back).
i let grand parents go nuts and instead i held back.

I agree with the quality of plastic, lego, playbook etc are still going strong. My DGC are playing with toys their parents had. Could you convince her to pay for some classes etc. My in-laws paid for DD to have dance lessons

I think that whilst you can change what you do at Xmas, you can't control what others want to do. So if you are going to convince your Mum or PILs to buy less/buy green whatever you're in for a long ride and a lot of upset.

You don't agree with your DM on this so why worry about what she thinks?

You know they'll buy more. So compensate by buying fewer physical gifts yourself but spend money on outings, annual passes or just put it into savings for them.

If they have plenty of toys and things like bikes, books etc, and have regular trips out and activities they and others won't notice who buys what.

The plastic tat stage is pretty short lived. My DD is 7 and asked mainly for books this year, or consumables. Agree some plastic stuff is good quality and keeps - my DC currently play with my Duplo and Playmobil from the 80s. Other stuff I regift or put out for free on Facebook once the DC have grown tired of it. I think pil get the message as our play room is quite minimal

You'll have a lot of people here saying it's either impossible or wrong to try and get grandparents to cut down on the plastic present buying, but it's the parents who have to find space for it in the house and organize it all. Parents have the right to prefer not to live in a house that is crammed with plastic toys.

I would not start insisting on "no plastic" or anything like that, but "Loads of presents" sounds excessive. I really think that grandparents should be OK with just giving one present per child, and I would have a conversation with them about that.

It doesn't have to be wasteful if you don't make it that way (although we can't control what other people buy/do!). I've been reusing gift bags for years, I can't remember the last time I bought a new one. Wrapping paper is fine as long it's recycled/recyclable and the tape too. In terms of presents we've done secret santa this year and also told people we don't want much. We also tend to ask for gift vouchers/meal vouchers/days out etc rather than material gifts. I am planning on being stricter with MIL in future though as even though we ask for a specific thing as a gift she always buys a few extra stocking fillers (like we are children, not 40 year olds) that are usually crap!
I find food to be the most wasted item at Xmas. Everyone goes OTT buying more than normal. And the amount of chocolate is ridiculous!

Kindly but firmly express your ideas to your parents, lead by example the rest of the year and if they go OTT ask for them to stick strictly to a Christmas list. Point them towards experience gifts - gymnastics lessons, theatre trips, membership of a local zoo. Let them buy the big ticket items like a new bike plus a bell and a helmet, or a new bed, or a furry rug for their bedroom. And gifts the pil participate in or take the kids to personally are the best - I told MiL that dd wanted to learn to bake so MIL bought her baking supplies and now they regularly bake together and mil has the satisfaction of dd baking cakes for her regularly now.

push your kids towards toys with a long life and try not to indulge gimmicks or things with batteries that are harder to give away or sell second hand.

once your kids are past about age 7 they don’t want the crappy toys anyway and become more discerning

my fil calls my kids “the poor dears” in front of my extended family because I buy second hand clothes and toys and board games for them and don’t hide the fact. But we rub along.

This year I have chopped up my ex SILs designer wedding dress to make reusable wrapping! Felt a bit criminal but she was a small size 4 and my late mother paid for the dress and ex sil fleeced my db for all his cash and abused him (violent temper) so I enjoyed chopping it up really. Be creative with your wrapping and enjoy.

My siblings and I exchange hand me down toys for smaller nieces and nephews rather than buying new. The older kids will choose the toys they want to pass on, so the gift is from them. No waste, and it’s lovely seeing toys that your kids enjoyed being loved by other family members. Toys are a currency that little kids get do it really feels like a present from them - they really like choosing something.

I was talking to my 20 something DS the other day and he was saying how Xmas is too much, that he doesn’t want ‘stuff’. He thinks that if we have to swap presents it should be consumables, not tat, and I agree.
‘I make up a hamper for my DF, and he loves it.

I know what you mean. I don't use recycled paper or that sort of thing but I've learnt what my ds will like and limit Christmas to that. So much in the past got ignored.

So this year he has a new bike (I've sold the outgrown one).
He has a new wifi card for his PC because the old one wasn't reliable
He has xmas socks, chocolate elf, new gloves, a puncture repair kit, a book, pjs.
He's going skiing with the school in March so I've suggested things like ski socks, base layers etc to family. Everything will get well used.

As they get older, it gets easier.

When my DCs were tiny we lived in a small flat with only one cupboard so I had no choice but to say please not too many toys since we simply didn't have the space. Also, I found they'd get overwhelmed with too much so a few presents from each relative was quite enough. Relatives understood and mostly got them craft stuff and pajamas. This year, I spoilt them on christmas days out and fairs so hopefully lots of memories and less crap.

Thanks for the replies everyone and happy Christmas! I’m quite environmentally conscious anyway..also vegan so already the black sheep in a family of very serious meat eaters so it’s hard as I don’t want to become some fun vacuum in their eyes but also think the material crap is not the fun bit!

totally agree that kids get overwhelmed if there’s too much. I love some of the ideas on here like annual zoo passes, such a great idea and my mum loves days out and things so it might appease her if I present some alternatives! I know can’t control what others do but I do feel I need to suggest a cap of a couple of physical presents each as otherwise it Literally is loads of stuff

I definitely agree with you, my kids are the same age and got one present each. I could afford much more but they just don't need it.

The problem isn’t what you choose to get, but your mums gift choices. You need to tell her that she can only get them one gift each as you want to do things differently and they are getting overwhelmed, and if there are more gifts you will need to regift them to a childrens charity. Then stick to it.

Encouraging quality over quantity helps.

I found it was also a problem that solved itself after a few years. As the get older, the presents get physically smaller and more expensive.

I think there are plenty of things you can buy that don’t constitute “crap” as I’m
sure you’re aware. Books, craft materials ( endless options there). Bikes, scooters etc. We had a few years mileage out of kit for hobbies so that included riding boots, helmet or sparkly tap shoes for us. My DD has also had “outdoor” kit gifted by relatives - a crabbing set, outdoor survivalist kit ( for playing in the woods). Bug collecting and beach combing paraphernalia. Stones and fossils collecting kits. You get the gist. Now my DD is 10 we’re exploring more experience tickets so this year she’s got tickets for a singer she likes that were pretty expensive.
Pinterest is full of great wrapping ideas and they’re not all worthy brown Kraft paper ( although they can look cool). I’m sure you can steer things in the direction you want OP. Merry Christmas