MIL already trying to book us in for next year.

[SoddingSoda]

MIL is difficult but DP handles her well.

This year we’re spending Xmas day with one lot of my family and Boxing Day at hers. We all live too far to split the day therefore we cannot do lunch with one lot and evening with the other side.

MIL has just cried to DP that she’s already missing him on Xmas day and she doesn’t feel like we care about her as we’re not ‘locking in’ plans for next Xmas.

We might decide to host next year, we might decide to go away, we might do anything next year but like hell am I making plans for next Xmas when this one isn’t even over?!

It's really sad that one day causes so much angst. It's always occurred to me that it would be so nice if everyone was accommodated. Have both sets of parents over on Xmas day along with all the children. The more the merrier.

Agree with this:

It's your DH'S turn to choose next year i'd just say that

What does your DH think? It’s his family.

Go away and enjoy yourself.

Family cause too much stress

I'd be on a tropical island if my ASD boy didn't struggle getting there ....

It seems harsh to expect my DC, and their eventual partners, to always alternate putting their parents first at Christmas instead of focusing on what they want to do with their holiday time. Obviously I love them and would welcome them with open arms if they want to come here. But if instead they want to go on holiday, or spend the day eating curry with friends, or work, or volunteer, or any one of the million things they might want to do that isn’t eating dinner with mum then I hope I can be happy for them and arrange something joyful for myself.

@ThatPirateLady that's a fair point! I have no expectations really, just observing that things will change.
On reflection it occurs to me that apart from when I was a child, I have only ever done Christmas to suit others. Maybe that's as it should be, peace and goodwill and all that.

I would dearly love to go on holiday at Christmas but while parents were alive wouldn't dream of it. My DC are early 20s so perhaps when they have partners they want to spend Christmas with that will be my chance.

snow my DM once confided in me that she found Christmas with young DGC totally overwhelming, exhausting and tedious. She was more than happy to stay at home with the tv of her choice, a nice meal and peace and quiet. . Not all DGPs want to be part of a busy family Christmas..