Remind me it's ok not to get everything on their lists

[Bubblemilk]

DD had a big list of toys this year as ideas for family (around 20 items) and about 3 things for Father Christmas. She'll get about half the family Christmas list and 2 out of three from Father Christmas. I think she'll be happy with the stuff from happy, I've chosen things carefully and with thought. I'm laying here worried that the one toy I haven't bought from Father Christmas will ruin Christmas, as she recently said she was thinking about that you a lot. I can't just go to a shop and buy it and it's a lot of money online. Kicking myself but we're attempting to have a simpler Christmas this year and trying to be mindful about what we bring into our lives. I just hate to disappoint her.

It’s not just okay, it’s preferable. It’s not supposed to be a shopping list - it’s a wish list.

If you get everything every time you will raise entitled children/teenagers who expect to get everything they want every year. Not sensible.

Santa only has space for one reasonably sized present per child on his sleigh. You can suggest things but its no guarantee you will get it.

My DC have never got everything and have never been disappointed. They’re always thrilled with the magic of it all. Don’t worry!

I've made sure my kids know the list is just a list of ideas. Santa brings the stocking here too (actually a small sack, pillow case sized, with a onesie or dressing gown or similar plus all the little treasures), and the presents under the tree are from who they are from. They know I send the list out to grandparents! They don't expect to get everything and usually tell me if something is a priority.

We do have that big tree reveal though, as I hide those presents away too and bring them out on Christmas eve. Partly because I don't trust them not to poke at them!

It's best not to get everything on her list, you'll have chosen great gifts. When I was a child I put Mr frosty on my list for a few years in row, never got one but received some amazing gifts. As an adult I realise mr frosty is a pile of crap my parents were right.

I work as Santa's Elf and we often tell children when they verbally give Santa their list that if they're very lucky they might get a couple of things from their list. It's a list of things they would like so you can choose some items and they can be surprised by what appears on Christmas morning.

If I got everything on the list I would spend several thousand per child. Hopefully this is because I've always stressed that lists are for ideas and inspiration and not a list of guaranteed gifts rather than because I have selfish children who want thousands of pounds worth of stuff. They know perfectly well that we only buy them 1 gift anyway plus a few smaller stocking bits.

Dd wants a real mermaid tail so she can become a mermaid, she is gonna have to be disappointed on that one!

It's totally ok. I've never given DD10 everything from her list (especially the year it included "a live octopus") and she loves Christmas and understands you can't expect everything. Once when she was 3 or 4 we had some tears on Christmas Day when she was disappointed about not getting a particular bunch of things (that she hadn't even bothered to tell us about....) but after having a cuddle she got over it and was perfectly happy with what she'd received.

It is known as a 'ideas list' or 'list of suggestions' in our house, so DCs are very aware they won't get it all. I ask they highlight the one thing they really really want and tell them that they'll get that as long as it is reasonable (eg doesn't cost a kidney, is a real thing etc). Most years I will get that One Thing plus one or two others that fit with/compliment their other gifts. This year both DCs have only got their One Thing, as the lists have been filled with made-up stuff, items with extremely poor reviews (no one wants to be dealing with a broken toy and crying child on Xmas day!), and things that are completely unobtainable or inappropriate.
They shouldn't be writing lists and getting it all IMO. As well as setting them unrealistic expectations, it means they don't get any surprises and get little opportunity to be introduced to new things you know they'll love but they don't know exist. My DCs always get a little bit of money from certain relatives, which they can add to any saved pocket money if needed, to use in the sales for anything they feel they've missed out on.

I don’t understand how we have gotten ourselves so enslaved over Christmas presents to the point you’re getting worried about this. Maybe it’s an opportunity to teach your child that sometimes in life we don’t get everything we want.

Dont worry she will be fine, she’s not going to be scarred for life because she didn’t get on particular present for Christmas. 23 presents is a LOT for a child but we seem to act like it’s not enough now.

We have been asked for a servant. She doesn't have the excuse of being 3. I asked if the two she already has were not enough?

Long lists are absolutely fine as long as their expectations are managed from the beginning that they will absolutely not be getting it all just because it's written down. The volume of gifts/money spend remains the same regardless of what is requested.

@AuntieDickhead 😂😂😂

Well, mine had a list with 27 items on it including a real live pig, a pet tiger, “please make me fly” and goodness knows what else. He is getting a reasonable selection of some of the items on the list (none were big-ticket items this year so he isn’t getting a “main present” from us in that sense). But Father Christmas doesn’t bring pets in our house.😂

I always wanted Mr Frosty and FC never brought him . Years later a friend had one and I used it - was most disappointed. DM did the right thing. Trust your instincts.

I remind DD every year that Father Christmas has a lot of toys to make for lots of children, so anything on her list he can’t give to her for Christmas is given to me for her birthday.

DS isn't getting everything on his list, I've told him that Santa will choose some items from the list and family can choose something from the list that Santa isn't bringing or something of their own choosing. He's been told that you don't get everything you've asked for.

I'm having a bit of a wobble too OP. My DD had 5 things on her list to Santa (they are never big things...she knows they have to be small enough to fit in a stocking and non-electronic so we're talking something around the £6 mark). Anyway,she's got 4 of those things and I was happy with that. But yesterday we went to visit Santa and while we waiting she was asked by a lady what was on her list and she said the one thing I hadn't bought; she was asked the same question by an elf and the big man himself and she gave the same answer - the one thing off her list I haven't got 😩 I'm torn between thinking that once she's opening her stocking she'll love what she has got so much she'll forget about what is missing, or do I dash out today and get it??!

If it doesn’t take you over budget and you can afford it - get it!

Oh it's definitely ideas as suggestions, I'm happy enough that she won't get everything on her ideas list for family, it was more for context to show she is getting some things she's asked for but not all. I've double checked the list and actually it's 15 long and she's getting 6 for Christmas and two for her birthday in a few weeks (so still about half the list). This list is separate to her Santa letter, on the letter they tell Santa what they're most into but I know she particularly had a toy in mind for one of these things.

I think it's unfair to presume she'll be a spoilt child, the reason the lists are longer this year is because of all the times I've said no to things in shops she's often come home and added them to her list. There's some real delayed gratification at play, some things have been on the list for 6 months. She's saved her pocket money all year to buy something she'd seen in a shop that was mega expensive. I don't think Christmas has to be a lesson in disappointment, lots of life is anyway!

He never bought pets here either. DS2 asked him for about 15 different dogs one year! IIRC he got dog stickers and a dog colouring book instead.

DS1 (18) asked for Tom Holland in his letter to FC this year. He's going to be disappointed too
(And before anyone asks why an 18 year old is writing to FC, he was doing it with his younger cousins and they insisted he did one too)

We always told our DC that Santa has a lot of children to buy for .Therefore he may not be able to get everything they wanted, or not enough for other children .This is a good lesson in life as well .Most Adults would like a designer dress/jewellery and Hubbies a sports car .Most of us have to make do with a "best" dress from M and S or similar! Hubby some sort of people carrier for all those after school activities !

Please don’t stress. It’s a wish list not a shopping list. She needs to learn early on to appreciate what presents she does get - otherwise likely to become very spoilt!