Christmas rantathon…..

[WilsonMilson]

This is lighthearted with an edge of thinly veiled fury, mainly at my dear mother.
I’m breathing deeply and looking forward to a massive gin later.

We travelled from afar for Christmas and arrived yesterday after a long sea and road journey. We are very lucky to have a small second home in my home town - very grateful etc etc. Brought all the presents, already wrapped, i’m very organised, have bought lots of lovely (I hope) things. I’m also catering Christmas for my family, so have all of that to see to as well, as my dm is entirely incapable of coping with cooking (she is not ill or physically unable, she just expects everyone to do things for her) and has been like this for a long time.

Asked my dm to have some things organised for us arriving - some gifts I’d sent straight to her to be wrapped, getting a couple of groceries in for our late arrival, making a Christmas cake, organising a taxi for herself for Christmas Day so I don’t end up not drinking so I can drive her home again like I did last year.

She has done the sum total of nothing. Nada. Says she hasn’t had time!!!!! She is retired and does nothing all day. Whereas I hold down a job, look after a family and have travelled hundreds of miles to have to decorate yet another sodding Christmas tree, and yet I’ve managed to get everything done.

The gifts (which were birthday presents for another relative so needed pre Christmas) were not done, no cake, nothing in for us.
She then tells me that she was unable to get me the Christmas gift I had asked for (pyjamas) as she couldn’t find anything nice in my size (8/10), apparently M&S had NO pyjamas in my size, which is extremely difficult to believe. So I’m just getting money - which frankly I don’t need. It’s just so thoughtless

I feel let down. It’s not as though I’m the black sheep, I’m an only child and we have a generally good relationship, she’s just lazy and useless and it’s driving me to the point of real anger which I don’t want to happen as I’m trying to make it a nice Christmas.

To top things all off, there were zero fresh turkeys in the supermarket today, only turkey crowns, so at this point in time I don’t quite have a turkey. I’d happily wring ones neck right now! The hunt continues…..

So, anyone else with tales of Christmas family annoyance to make me feel better?

DH and I have just had a massive argument because I am pissed off at his siblings, both of whom have invited themselves to ours for Christmas at more or less the last minute. He thinks I should 'open my heart' and it's perfectly reasonable to expect me to host them when they weren't even invited.

Lovely MIL is already here and we were pretty sure BIL would do this (he has form but at least he told us he was coming at the beginning of December) but SIL (who lives on another continent and is going to have MIL visit her in January) announced yesterday she has decided to come to ours, arriving at some unknown point on Christmas Day and leaving fuck knows when probably some point in the New Year when MIL was planning on leaving (or even worse insisting they go back to MILs house and expecting an 87yo to do the hosting). I have my family coming to stay for New Year (planned months ago) and SIL has completely messed up those plans since she is now taking up an extra bed. I suppose I should point out they both have partners who have been left so they can come uninvited to our.

Wow, ok.

I asked her to wrap 2 birthday gifts for my aunt. It would have probably taken her 5 minutes.

She wanted to make a cake. She suggested she did weeks ago and I said ok. Then she didn’t bother actually doing if.

We arrived at 11pm, too late for a shopping order.

She’s in her 60’s and perfectly fit and healthy.

I have now sourced a turkey, but thanks for your helpful input.

@JackandVera have you lost your way from aibu? At the top of the thread I said ‘lighthearted’. We don’t actually hate our parents. We are just tired, stressed and having to keep going and pull together the ‘Christmas magic’ for everyone else, while slowly losing our minds.

I hear you @LooLooLemon , whilst I could never leave my mum out, sometimes the thought of escaping and having a beach holiday or anything that doesn’t involve family politics is a wonderful dream. Covid did have a few upsides!!

Lighthearted? Describing your mother as lazy and useless?

I travelled 500 miles for this in a car with DH and DC and a shit load of gifts all wrapped and arrived after 11pm. I’m doing all the catering.

She offered to make the cake and then didn’t tell me she hadn’t.
It was 2 birthday gifts I asked her to wrap.
I don’t think calling a taxi, popping in a pint of milk, or buying a pair of pyjamas for my Christmas was asking the earth.

You're not unreasonable OP. Some people think we should just all be martyrs.

My little rant would be: DH has taken DC to visit in-laws today whilst I work. All good. Except DC have had a run of illnesses recently including tonsillitis and we could do with a break. MIL opted not to mention to DH until he turned up that they have fecking Covid.

My mum has apparently lost all use f her arms and legs this week. She is running me round ragged She has thrown a list at me and has excused herself of any involvement, For context she lives with my brother she is 70 he is 44 and between them apparently they cannot wrap gifts for her friends or family.They cannot deliver said gifts to friends and family,despite both having cars, so I have had to, In context she has spent 4 weeks wrapping over 300 presents for ukrainian and homeless people,yet cannot do her own..She has had me at the supermarket not once but 3 times and now wants me to go and clean up for her and clean the carpets...she feels down and stressed so apparently by chucking it all at me in floods of tears it will be magically achieved,ever mind me and my young family etc. I wouldnt mind but she is out all christmas day with us so shes no hosting to do ,,Its like a military operation getting her sorted, I feel your resentment OP as I feel it too. She is busy always doing fuck all. I am more angry at myself though for allowing this absolute piss take.

I’d be livid if I were you, that is so far beyond unreasonable to not mention they have covid, crazy. I hope your dh promptly left!

There are a number of fully grown adults in my family that still seem to operate under the illusion that Santa and Mrs Claus exist.

Glad it's not just my parents that seem to have gotten so busy since retiring 🙄

Sorry op your having such a crappy time, I normally love Xmas but every year I'm starting to detest it more and more.

I'm not feeling the slightest bit Christmassy anymore. For the first time in years I was somehow allowed this week off work, was very excited made plans to see friends so Xmas stuff with the kids, but no, instead all we've had is one illness after the other, ok that's fine this stuff happens, but what's really f*ed me off is that no bugger has bothered to help me including my husband!!!!!

I've still got some Xmas bits to get, food shop to get, babysitting neice tom, apparently going to my mothers tom for some Xmas get together crap, clean the house top to bottom host Xmas day, I've got to wrap all the presents, apparently I've got to do all this by myself whilst now me and my two little ones are poorly.

I've been the sole person looking after them since Saturday day and night, hubby working, but finished today and he thought it was still a good idea to go out on the p* so once again I have to somehow do the food shop tom am before my neice arrives, clean the house and do everything else mentioned above.

My parents are too busy to help as they have Xmas food shopping to do....they are now sat down home on their butts drinking tea while I'm up here feel like dying trying to cope with too little ones who haven't really been out all week.

No one wants to know all I'm getting is condescending messages 'how you feeling?' 'Babe are you sure you don't mind me going out'

Everyone do one!!!! You don't care cuz if you did one or all of you would be mucking in to help me and your not so get f***!!!

I am so sorry for my anger but you asked for ppls rants 🙈🙈🙈 and his has been festering inside me all week 🙈🙈

I truly hope yours and everyone else Xmas gets better 🤞🏻

Ds22 is being difficult, although warned that there were postal strikes he only ordered some gifts on Monday and is now stressed they are not going to get here in time. The others, he apparently picked up at the service station on his way back from uni, so heaven knows what they are. He did get use out of his Christmas shirt that I got him but had not washed it so had left it for me to do. DH has lost all the stuffing?!! Everyone is apparently tired, which is code for do not ask me to help!

I am so sorry . You could just cry couldnt you? I think we are surrounded by selfish shits who just think its ok and right to mug off us. They do not care but would be horrified if we treated them the same as they treated us. I send you a big hug bless you

You need to show her that you won't tolerate this bullshit. I'd go home right now. I mean home to where you have travelled from, not your 2nd home.

Don't allow this.

Uninvite her for Christmas Day.

The pisstaking gets to the stage where you need to put a stop to it.

Thank you so much that's so kind, I have cried twice today but more of a breakdown crying but had to stop sharply as it was hurting my throat too much!!!! 🙈🙈

I'm sure I'll look back and laugh one day, this seems to happen all the time, I find myself in a hard situation but always manage to get myself through it with no help from others including the other half. This will be no different.

You are so right tho if we treated others this way we'd be held up and told it just wouldn't fly. End of the day as long as my kids are ok, I'll survive and the last Xmas bits will just have not be brought, I'm not Wonder Woman for Christ's sake.

Thank you again for your kind message you've made me feel a little better I hope you have a wonderful Xmas

You poor thing what the hell is wrong with them??

It almost feels like as long as they sort everyone else out because we always 'seem to have it together or just get shit done cuz we have to' they pile the load on us!

My mother does my older sisters washing runs around her ass constantly, she's 39 single living with me rent free!!!

I look after my own young family with a hubby that is basically never around, yet I can do everything she throws at me and last minute of course!!!

I'm finding it so hard to bite me tongue these days my patience is non existent.

I know it's tough but next time or nesxt year in advance tell her you won't be taking in extra duties as you have plenty of your own and you really struggled this year with not much help, why not throw in some tears for good measure!!! Pile the guilt on.

Don't know what's the matter with them all, hope your ok xxx

Good heavens, your Mum is hardly old! I've just taken MY DM to Belgium Christmas shopping; I'm in my mid-sixties and she's 93! She made the family Christmas cake before we went.

You must know though that that is highly unusual.

Put your foot down and tell your mother and brother in no uncertain terms are you running yourself ragged for them again.

If you don’t do this the resentment will eat you from the inside. Consider what advice you would give to a close friend who was being treated like this, then follow it.