Is anyone else all out of Christmassy Cheer???
I use so much energy to get my family to a certain 'Jolly' point that I realise I have nothing left for me or the actual day.
It starts in November when DH announces that he has been asked to work this Christmas.
He says this every November and I have to put up a fight as to why he should chose to spend Christmas with me and our two children (10 & 8yrs).
That can take 25% of my energy for the season.
He has worked some Christmases in the past and has been rewarded well but normally what ever is said to get him to say yes doesn't materialise, most of the time he finds out and backs out but I'm often left feeling that I'm the booby prize. One Christmas I was seriously ill with being pregnant and had a one yr old. I didn't have the energy to put the tree up, even one of his mates came over and offered to put it up when he saw the tree still in its box but I declined the offer as I wouldn't have the energy to put it away. That was a really low Christmas, especially if you think of how many Christmases we have with our children.
I would just like a Christmas where I get out as much as I put in. That I received similar enthusiasm. My children are now speaking to me like I'm dirt and they get that from DH. I'm now trying to muster the energy and enthusiasm to go to PILs where I have to deal with another one of his relatives who is as apathetic as DH. I spend the time there being on the receiving end of digs and DH will join in with these digs because DH has no sense of loyalty when it comes to me.
DH will spend all his time in the kitchen cooking, getting drunk and then spending the rest of the day in the garden with said relative like all other Christmases with there. I had even compiled a few games but knowing the resistance, and it becomes infectious among the teenagers, this year I don't have the energy to head off the negativity.
I have very few happy Christmases, my childhood ones had a blanket of threat and fear about it. You couldn't show too much enthusiasm for a certain gift without fear of it being used in future punishment of it being removed for some small violation.
I can't help but think I'd have a better day on my own or even with strangers at least they would make an effort to be cheerful and making the most of it.
I try so hard in life, I don't know how to not put in my best effort. I don't want to be a coaster, I believe you get out what you put in but how do you make an active effort not to put much energy in to life without getting depressed? I'm starting to think I'm in a toxic environment and it breaks my heart that my DC are going down the same route of antipathy that DH shows at everything family orientated.
Not sure what I want out of this posting, maybe looking towards the sisterhood in that I'm not the only experiencing this.