Gift list or surprise?

[mincepiepie]

I think the person buying the gift should select the present for the recipient.

Husband thinks is should supply a long list.

Who is right?

Neither, it's horses for courses!!

It depends. There are some people that I give several presents to and I tend to buy them some things from their wishlist and some surprises. I have young nieces and nephews that I don’t see very often so I ask their parents for ideas so I don’t duplicate what they already have, whilst the older ones really like me to ask which voucher they would like.

Personally I like a surprise. But then I am very easy to buy for!

Unless there is something specific I really want that would make a nice gift- eg last year I wanted a new watch so I suggested some brands/styles to DH but let him choose the actual watch.

Different with kids obviously. I usually get them what they ask for but also a few surprises.

I'm with your husband.

Firstly, I don't like surprises generally. Secondly, it's rare that surprise presents are anything I will actually use. Thirdly, I like presents that I will use.

We do wish lists in my family, it works for us.

I agree with your husband.
I think it depends who you are buying for as well, if you are buying a few presents then a couple of surprises but if it’s one present then off a list. I’d rather gift someone something they want.
For my children/ Santa presents there will be a mixture of both.

I'm like you OP, I love choosing gifts for people. But after many many years I've relented with my DH and just accepted that there are often specific things he wants that he would prefer to receive.

I must admit I find the way he does things with his brothers and family completely joyless. I remember last year, one brother sent DH a link to a some bracket for his bike to pretend was his 'present' to him even no thought was put into it on DH's part, and DH sent him a link to something equally dull and un-present-like for him to do the same. And he did the same with the other brother. And then my name goes on this 'gift' as well. I just don't see the point. My siblings and I don't buy for each each other, we only buy for the kids. I've suggested to DH maybe he does the same with his brothers...just agree not to buy for each other and buy your own things rather than do this faux present-giving charade just for the sake of having something to exchange! He looks at me as if I'm some kind of Scrooge!

I was always brought up to believe the whole point of present giving at Christmas is to think about another person, choose something you think they would like, maybe something extra special that they wouldn't usually treat themselves to and give it to them as a surprise at Christmas. It's the thought that counts and all that...I've always loved it. I hate the whole sending a link to what they want...it always seems so much more entitled, more grabby, less thoughtful and less 'in the spirit of Christmas'.

Depends entirely on the people. When we first met DH bought me a fantastic, and bloody expensive, bag for sailing. I’m not interested in sailing, it’s his hobby.

Since then he has asked me for ideas/suggestions.

As we've got older DH and I have tended to make lists and we pick a few items off the list. I'm less tolerant of household clutter as I've got older so tend to just want specific practical things. (Have asked for a belt, various books, some craft supplies and some replacement smellies.)

With DS we've always tended to make wish lists for family. DS has autism and is ridiculously specific in his wants/needs. (One brand of socks will be OK but another brand will cause him intense discomfort etc.)

@CoffeeChocolateWine

This is it 100%!

Also know that it's a bit of a gamble but if you know the person well enough you should be able to get something g they like or can live with and can either return or swap if it's not right.

Also I feel it doesn't have to be really expensive. Just a beautiful wool scarf would do me for £20. Some hotel chocolate and nice plant a neon candle.

I also have to do a very long list that gets circulated around and put links on and best prices so they can ship around for the best value. It has to cover a range of budgets.

Then people argue that there is nothing left and I have to add extra gifts.

Then the list gets criticised- what do you want that for/ that's disgusting/
got perfume for your birthday/ whatever that blusher is £25 it's too expensive / £75 for a candle -no chance! Ad nauseum and alas I am feel the joy sucked out of Christmas. I earn enough to buy my own blusher / sheets/ angoustorus bitters/ cashmere socks etc (but not a neon candle)

I like to shop for individuals, I think I’m good at finding decent gifts, dosnt mean I am, I have no idea if what I give gets regifted.

I always ask what the DCs in the family want though so I know they are getting exactly what they want.

DGPs & DSIL always asks what DDs want, I always tell them, far easier as this way they get what I know they really want. DBIL never asks, most of the time gifts are ok.

We don’t get asked for us and every year 95% of the time we regift, one year we managed to get a refund on Boxing Day for DHs gift. The one year I was asked and actually said what I wanted, I ended up with yet another gift that went straight to the charity shop.

We have this dilemma. I am completely on board with not wanting waste or to give for the sake of giving but there's something very transactional about just sending links, as my MIL likes us to do (she is fab and generous and I love her). We've kind of settled on me sending suggestions for my OH and vice versa, as a middle ground that means waste or unwanted items are v unlikely but there is still an element of surprise but its not easy. I buy what they suggest for them but like to go off piste but with something small I'm 99% certain about for at least one item.

I enjoy choosing gifts for people but hate seeing my money wasted when things aren't used 🙈 This year dp has chosen his main gift for Christmas (a camera bag) and his birthday which isn't long after (wine) and then I've got smaller gifts to go with them that I'm pretty sure he will like 🤞🤗
He has got me a surprise present and a t-shirt (he asked what size I wanted but not what it is) and everything else is stuff I asked for/saw as we shopped but he doesn't enjoy gift shopping 🤷‍♀️

Most of the stuff from my parents are things I've asked for with a couple of surprises as they understandably don't want to waste money on things I won't like or use. I get them little surprises but ask them what they would like every year as non of us have money to waste.

Ds is too young to ask for anything yet but I'm pretty sure he's going to be happy with what we've got him 😝

Suprises... every time.

I think its the epitome of spoilt entitlement to think you can dicatate what gift someone gives you and a sign of the horrific downfall of basic manners.

It might be ok to tell someone suggestions IF they ask what you want (although frankly I HATE that, it defetes the point of a gift which is to put thought into it) but to just send lists to people is nothing more than shameless begging.

If I can think of something I want/need thats affordable Im clearly just going to buy it which means theres only 'non affordable' things (which I would NEVER ask someone else to buy) or 'things I haven't thought of' left.

If you don't actually know someone well enough to know what they like then why on earth are you buying them a gift anyway? lol

Bit of both.

But bulk of the money on something you know they want (usually because they've asked for it).

Personally I am happy to be a harbinger of the “downfall of basic manners” (thank you @mam0918) by supplying a list/asking people what they would like. I don’t like surprises and I don’t like waste and feel like being pragmatic helps avoid both! If someone requested a surprise I would honour it though.